


A broken Hallelujah

by FirenzeSun



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, Graphic Violence, Homophobia, M/M, Rape attempt between canon characters, Season 9 AU, Similar to EndVerse, Torture, Unresolved Sexual Tension, description of Rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 23:23:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 60,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirenzeSun/pseuds/FirenzeSun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The angels are now humans and Cas finds his way to the Bunker where Dean is nearly broken and Sam is dying. Lucifer (and Michael) are about to be set free. The angels are working with the demons, and the croatoan virus is becoming a threat again. God seems to be appearing in the map again and it's not exactly helpful. Meanwhile Dean has to deal with his feelings with Cas and a love story that seems to be in its breaking point. So yes, the world, Dean, Cas and Sam seem to be all going into the path of that future from 2014 that Zachariah had sent Dean to. It seems that no matter how many details Dean changes, they always end up in the same place.</p><p>THIS WORK HAS BEEN ABANDONED. THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER UPDATES.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hopelessly Human

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT 2016: THIS WORK HAS BEEN ABANDONED. THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER UPDATES.  
> I'm no longer part of the Supernatural fandom. Not after s10 finale. After it my love for the show has deemed down, and I cannot write about it anymore without feeling a sting of dissapoiuntment and hurt. It saddens me to say that I have completely lost the inspiration for this fic. And though I will not delete it, I have abandoned it and move on.  
> \---
> 
> I had first decided not to publish this work until I had everything finished, but as this is my attempt at how series 9 and 10 should be (if they're utterly compressed into 14 episodes), I wanted to publish it before season 9 airs, and my writing is slowlier than I thought.  
> Anyway, I hope that you get hooked, and bear with me this writing through the semester (I thought you're patient because when exams come writing will come slowler).  
> That said, when reading, remember that English is not my first language, therefore, you might find some vocabulary or grammatical errors as I have no Beta.
> 
> Every chapter is titled after a Kansas song. To see the post with the lyrics of the song and/or the meaning behind the song, here: [Chapter Title Masterpost](http://angelsarewatchingoveryoudean.tumblr.com/post/58650294070/a-broken-hallelujah-chapter-title-masterpost)  
> (By the way, Hopoplessly Human, that's a bit obvious, right?)
> 
> This is not going to be a happy story. As it comes very close to the Endverse, it will be full of angst, unsaid stuff, repressed feelings and sad moments. It will have smut and happy fluffy moments, but as we learned in Supernatural for every laugh there's ten hours of crying, so...  
> I started this story with one propmt: "Cas can't see Dean's soul anymore", and with that a whole plot blossomed.  
> I'll leave you to the reading.
> 
> Edit 05/12/13: The story has been made into 15 chapters. The Destiel has a slow building. I mean, this is a story were things follow an Endverse kind of path, therefore we need to break our Team Free Will, and they as characters had had a lot of character development. So that means that to reach the Endverse we have to break them hard and slowly. And this is story isn't just about Destiel, is about them, our boys. Destiel IS the goal, but is more than just that.  
> Right now I'm half way through the story (tomorrow I'll publish chapter 7), and although my biggest fear is how well do I manage with English I'm rather proud of it, and I think I'm establishing what I first pictured.  
> Just remember, this is not a happy story. It has descriptions of torture, is violent, there are a lot of deaths and it gets progressively darker.  
> Anyway, this is getting too long. I leave you to the story.

The smell of ozone, from his fallen brothers and sisters, was still strong in the air. He forced himself to look at the sky that had cast down his family, and he walked. Orientation wasn't as before, as human, he wasn't connected anymore to the Earth and his Father's creations. He was alone, trapped in a limited brain, and even the thought process required to get to the knowledge of the star map and analyze it, was slow.

He walked with one set in mind. One person that he wanted to see. One human. He ignored the hunger in his stomach, the ache in his tired muscles. And when sleep came and tried to claim him, he ignored it too. He had felt lost and sad and tiny, part of him had wanted to die. But when the thought of Dean had appeared in his mind, he recovered his strength. He had to see him. He wasn't going to ask him for his help, he knew that he didn't deserved it. He wasn't going to give him any explanation either, there was no justification for what he did. He was just going to see him, and maybe say goodbye. He owed him that much to him.

When he reached the first populated are, Cas realized that he couldn't tell if they were humans or demons anymore. All he could see was the meat, he realized how weak he was. And for the first time in his existence, he knew what fearing for himself was.

The second day of walking was coming to an end, the sun long gone from the sky, when he arrived. His whole body ached, and raising his fist to knock at the door seemed too much. But he remembered being tortured in Heaven for trying to serve Dean instead of 'God'. He had endured that, and Dean had proved to be worthy and so much more. So he could do this.

With white knuckles from the cold, he knocked at the door of the Bunker.

.

Dean took down another gulp of whiskey. His little brother was dying and his best friend was gone, probably dead. He put the cold glass in his forehead, trying to calm down his raising thoughts. It didn't help at all, of course. Because the facts didn't change. He didn't have a clue of how to help Sam with the effects of the trials. And this time, he didn't have Bobby to call him for help or to just contain him. He was alone with no one to pray to. Because even if by some miracle Cas was still alive, well, he was either ignoring him or he was no longer an angel.

He took some more whiskey while a silent tear came down his face. And when all the emotions of sorrow translated themselves into anger, he wanted to throw away the glass against the wall. But he wouldn't do it, that would stir Sam awake, who already had trouble sleeping as it was. With a sigh he pressed the glass harder against his forehead. And that's when he heard it. A couple of knocks against the door of the Bunker.

Despite the alcohol, he was sharp, it took more than a couple of shots of whiskey to put him lightheaded. So he grabbed his gun and went to open the door. He wasn't waiting for anybody. And if it was that damn Kevin kid, then he and him were going to share a few words.

Carefully, and with the gun ready, he opened the door.

Dean stood there frozen for a few seconds.

The fallen angel was standing in front of him. He was pale, there were bags under his blue gaze, his shoulders were down in defeat and his trenchcoat was extremely dirty. But the worst of all were his eyes, that looked into him searching for a hope and apparently they searched and searched but they couldn't find it.

Only now Cas understood the true cost of his humanity. The one thing that he had cherished the most. Dean's beautiful and shining soul was hidden from him. Never again he would be able to cherish at the sight of that marvelous light that was the soul of the Righteous Man. A soul so pure that not even with the mind-control of Naomi, he could harm. Now he truly understood the curse of having his Grace stolen.

Realizing that he wasn't able anymore to see Dean's soul was the final straw. Cas fell onto his knees and started crying.

The hunter put his gun with the safe locked into his back pocket, and in a flash he was kneeled besides his best friend and was holding him in his arms. He whispered his name.

"Cas..."

The hunter had known fear before, he had known desperation and pain. He had known what felt like to lose all hope and reach bottom. He had endured thirty years of torture in Hell without breaking. And when he did break, he hadn't done so like now. Dean's heart was breaking into a million pieces at the sight of Cas crying with such despair and hopelessness.

"Cas..." he said again. The one word he was able to say right now, the word that had more meaning than what human language could cover.

At the mention of his name, the fallen angel raised his head from Dean's shoulder and locked his gaze with the green eyes. The tears had cleared a path in his dirty face, but their trail was lost at the beginning of the bear that had begun to appear on the angel's face. As a drowning man clutching to a lifesaver, he got hold of Dean's face. He desperately searched for something into Dean's eyes but he couldn't find what he was looking for. His face then transformed into one of bone-reaching sorrow, a sorrow that would break beyond repair any lesser man, and that was definitely breaking Cas.

"Cas, what's happening?" asked a desperate Dean.

"Your soul," said Cas, his voice could barely form those two words without breaking, "I can't see it..." and he was falling once more.

"You fell," whispered Dean.

"He stole my Grace. It was a trap, Dean. You were right once more," Cas lowered his eyes, "I should leave," he said and got up.

"Where are you going?" questioned him Dean, steeling his voice and getting up too.

"I shouldn't be here," said Cas refusing to meet Dean's eyes, if he did he wouldn't have the will to leave. And he didn't deserved to be with Dean.

"So that's it, " spatted Dean, "you're leaving again."

"Dean, I-"

"What's going to be the excuse this time, huh?" confronted him the hunter, "What ulterior motive do you have now?"

"I-" tried to explain himself the fallen angel, but he was interrupted once more.

"You know what? If you want to leave, then leave," said Dean getting really close, penetrating him with his eyes, "But if you leave, don't you dare to ever come back. Or I swear to God that I- I- I'll hunt you down," he finished.

Having learned about emotions and feelings from the Winchesters, Cas sadness turned into anger.

"You would do that, wouldn't you? Even after everything I did for you," even being now a tiny human, the phantom of what he had been could be seen.

And because he had been an angel of the Lord, he would prove himself to Dean.

"I'll stay, " he said.

.

Once they passed the door of the Bunker, the anger, the frustration, the sadness was replaced by a sense of awkwardness.

"Do you want to eat something or a shower?" asked Dean scratching the back of his neck.

"A shower and some food later would be good," answered him the fallen angel.

"O-Okay," stuttered Dean, "I'll show you the bathroom and give you some of my clothes to borrow."

"What's wrong with my own clothes?" asked Cas tilting his head.

For all that was wrong with the world, Dean smiled at Cas confusion.

"Cas, man, you're human now. You can't just mojo your clothes clean. You're gonna sweat on them and need to change them regularly."

"Oh, right," and Cas depressive tone cleaned away all traces of Dean's smile.

They walked towards the bathroom in silence. The awkwardness in the air bothered Dean. Where was that easiness that he had with his best friend. He had said that he was going to stay, but Dean wouldn't let himself fall into hope. Hope was a bitch that at the end of the day, it brought you down to your knees and made you beg for mercy.

However, when he was alone in his room, looking for suitable clothes for Cas, hope found a tiny way into his heart. And with it came sorrow and fear of losing him once more. He stayed some good ten minutes steeling himself, and repairing his mask, that had so many cracks on it that the fact that he was still able to hold it in place was a miracle on its own.

Miracles, ha. In his opinion, miracles sucked.

He arrived at the bathroom with the clothes for Cas with the most carefree attitude he could manage.

"Cas, I brought the clothes for you," he said looking at the shower curtain.

"The fallen angel pushed away the curtain just enough so his face could be seen.

"Thank you, Dean," he said, his voice was the same than usual but his eyes were red. Had he been crying again?

"Cas, are you okay?" he asked worried, if there was something that he never ever wanted to see again was the image of Cas crying. It felt so wrong... and it made him feel so helpless.

"Yes, Dean," said the angel with a tired tone, "I just learned the hard way that the foam needs to stay away from the eyes."

"Oh," said Dean, there was nothing more that he could add. Cas tone made him want to puke. It felt as if he was dead in the inside.

After he had showed Cas a bedroom, he figured it was time for him to sleep too. So he took what was left of the whiskey and took it to his room. By the third full glass, he was knocked out. The empty bottle slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor.

.

Normally, Dean loved a good drop bass, but when it came from his cell phone at what had to be too fucking early, he hated it. Growling, he grabbed his phone and without looking at who was calling, he shut down the call. He threw it away and closed his eyes again. The hangover was aggressively destroying his head.

The damn phone started playing again.

"What?" he snarled at whoever was daring to call him.

"Dean! Thank God you're answering," said Garth from the other end of the line, "I've been calling you for ages."

"Why?" asked Dean sharply.

He was totally not in the mood to play along with the clumsiest and luckiest-to-be-alive hunter in the world.

" _Why?_ Where had you been, you idjit? Don't you know about what's been happening for the last three days?"

Apparently, Garth had still set in mind to imitate Bobby.

"Where do you think I was?" reproached him Dean.

"In the middle of it?" the other tried to guess, and once again Garth was Garth and not a cheap copy of Bobby.

"Yeah, Garth, in the fucking middle of it," he sighed, "So what?"

"Well, since that meteor shower of the other day, you know, there's been people appearing. Some where taken by the police for being violent or whatever, others have been taken to a nuthouse... And they've been speaking," he explained.

"Yeah?" said Dean truing to hide the slight worry in his voice.

"There's been two prime words that they all said," and when Dean said nothing, Garth continued, "Is there something that you want to say to good ol' Garth, Dean?"

Dean decided that what the hell. He knew that he could trust Garth. And if the others hunters knew about the fallen angels too, it would be for the best. At least they could try to help them and don't let them get rotten in jails or nuthouses. Most of them may be dicks, but they didn't deserved that.

"Okay, Garth, listen carefully. Angels, they are real," he said and waited for the other to rebut what he just said or to call him crazy.

"All right," said Garth instead.

"That's it?" asked Dean confused, "you are just gonna accept what I said just like that?"

"Yes, you're my friend. Why I wouldn't trust what you say?" answered the hunter in all honesty.

"Garth, I..." said Dean moved by the simplicity of the other guy.

"So how are the angels connected to the meteor shower?"

Dean sighed. He told him about how the angels have been involved in the Apocalypse. He told him about how the Leviathans were freed and then Purgatory. He then asked about Naomi's and his mind control and as much as he knew about Metatron. He told him that Castiel's Grace had been stolen and how the feathered dickhead had made the angels fell.

"And now he's is here with us," Dean finished his tale.

Garth had listened in silence, hearing everything that Dean said, even what he didn't say.

"So this Castiel is your friend?" he questioned him.

"Yes," answered Dean, his voice heavy with the admission.

"Okay, then I'm going to help you," said Garth.

"Help us?" asked Dean contorting his face with confusion.

"Yes," replied Garth as if it was the most obvious thing, "these fallen angels guys don't speak your friend's name with fondness exactly."

"What do you mean?" inquired Dean worried.

"Well... let's say that they want to garth him or angel him or whatever they do now. But it definitely isn't nice."

Dean's heart stopped beating for a second. And when it continued it did so with a certain determination.

No.

The son of bitches wouldn't take Cas away from him. Not again. He was going to kill them before they could touch a single hair of Cas.

"And how can you help us?" he asked to Garth.

"I can misguide them. Leave false clues of your whereabouts," explained the hunter. Dean could practically hear him smiling through the line.

"Yeah, do that," he said and before hanging up, he called, "And Garth?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," answered Garth, his voice was radiating with happiness.

Dean hanged up and rubbed his face with his hands. He submitted the willpower to get up and face another day of watching everyone he loved suffering one way or another and him being unable to help them. The hunter dressed himself and went to check on his little brother.

Sam was deep asleep in his bed. The fever that was burning him up produced little drops of sweat to cover his forehead. His breathing was erratic, like he was having a nightmare. His hands were clutching to the sheets in a poor attempt of holding themselves to something, weakened as they were.

"Sammy," whispered in a broken voice Dean, taking the seat next to his brother bed, and caressing the side of Sam's head.

The sound of his brother's voice seemed to sooth Sam, whose breathing became calmer and whose hands relaxed.

"Don't you worry, Sammy. I'm here," he said and a single tear fell from his left eye, "I'm going to take care of you."

With one last look to his sick brother, he got up. He was going to check up on Cas and then he was going to give his brother an ice-cold bath. The hunter walked to Cas' room and knocked on the door. When there was no answer he opened the door.

The lights were off and when he turned them on, the only sign that the fallen angel had been there was the dirty trenchcoat and Jimmy's old clothes that hanged from one of the hooks on the wall. The bed was made so neatly that if he hadn't seen the angel tuck himself in it the previous night he would have swore that no one had slept on it. For a few seconds, fear and disappointment crossed Dean's features, until he realized that if the clothes were still there, then Cas probably hadn't left. But the possibility of it still lingering there, scared the hunter more than he was wiling to admit.

"Cas," he called when he reached the main area.

But silence was the only one to meet him. Or so he thought, because if he payed attention he could hear a distant bang. Instinctively, he reached for the gun in his back pocket and cursed to himself for having left it in his bedroom. He walked in the direction of the sound, until he realized it was coming for the shooting practice room. He entered in silence and there he finally found the fallen angel.

Cas was still wearing his clothes, a jean that hanged loosely around his hip and a worn out T-shirt that let the lower part of his stomach to be seen when he stretched out to point the gun he was holding towards the target. The bullet holes in the target were all around the center but only a few had actually reached there.

"Cas," called Dean.

If the fallen angel had been startled by the sudden man's presence, he didn't show it.

"Dean," he greeted him.

"Is that my gun?" he asked, he was surprised in so many ways with the sight in front of him that he said the first thing that crossed his mind. Cas wearing his clothes, although slightly arousing, was not something that felt right, even less him holding a gun.

"Yes," answered Cas calmly, "when I woke up you were still asleep. So I checked on Sam and fed him, and as you were still sleeping I decided to practice my aim so I took your gun."

Dean didn't know what bothered him more, if the fact that Cas had taken his gun without asking for it or if the fact that he had been in his room while he wasn't wearing any pants. Yet, he decided not to comment on any of those things.

"Well, your aim ain't bad," he said.

"But it isn't perfect," refuted Cas, "as an angel I had physics to help me. But this human brain is too slow. It can barely grab all the variables involved, even less make all the calculations in time."

Cas looked at the gun in his hands closely for a few seconds, aimed it and shot. The bullet hit the border of the target's center.

"Useless," murmured the fallen angel.

"Come on, Cas, I'm sure a little practice and your aim will be more than perfect," tried Dean to cheer him up.

The ex-angel remained in silence.

"Look Cas, I need to give Sam a cold bath, try to lower his fever," Dean started to excuse himself.

"I'll help you," said Cas.

The hunter was about to say that it wasn't necessary, but a spark of the old Cas that he knew shone in the blue eyes and made him accept the offer. Cas liked helping people, doing things for others, doing things for the boys, for Dean. And Sam was his friend. He couldn't properly shoot at the target anymore-at least by his standards-, he couldn't cure Sam – not that he could have help that much before because it wasn't the kind of affection that a simple angel could cure-, but he could take care of Sam. And that's what he was going to do.

Once in Sam's room, he helped Dean to undress the man until he was in his boxers. Even though, Dean had done it before, Cas' help to carry the big man to the bathroom was welcomed. The bathtub was filled with water and ice that the hunter and the fallen angel had previously carried. All the movement to carry him to the bathroom had stirred Sam awake, with sloppy eyes he looked at his sides to see the persons who were holding him. Between the blur his sight had become and his headache, he had trouble identifying who they were.

"Hey, Cas," he greeted, "Is that you?" he wasn't sure that it wasn't all a dream induced by his fever.

"Yes, Sam," said Cas gently, hiding the sorrow in his deep voice, "It's me."

"How you doing?" he asked.

Even with his fever, he was worried about his friend. After all the last thing he knew about him was the blurry memory of the angels falling and his brother shouting Cas' name to the air. What he had really wanted to ask was if he had fallen along the other angels, but his burning brain didn't let him formulate the right words.

"I'm fine, Sam" answered Cas while he helped the man to get into the tub, "Don't you worry. I'm sorry I can't cure you, Sam, but we'll find I solution, I promise you," apologized the ex-angel.

"Hold your breath, Sammy," instructed Dean, ignoring Cas words and fighting the tears in his eyes.

"It's... okay..." mumbled Sam before sinking his head into the water.

.

After they had put Sam back in bed, Cas and Dean, had both remained in silence. It wasn't that they didn't have things to talk about, but that the words felt strange in their mouths. Instead the silence was filled with long stares and many of the things that they didn't say out load would come into their eyes.

The silence was only broken by the sound of paper every time one of them turned the page of yet another book, while they tried to find a cure for Sam. And there's so much that you can keep in silence without it getting into you. So the sadness gave way to frustration, which turned the long stares into looks of reproach. And the minutes that went by turned into another stone in the burden in Dean's shoulder and into another drop of venom in Cas' weary heart.

Suddenly, Dean's phone rang in salvation. Or condemnation.

"What's the matter, Garth?" asked Dean.

"Hm... I found something that I thought that you would like to know," said the hunter.

"What's that?" questioned him Dean, putting the phone on speaker and Cas came closer to hear the conversation.

"There's been strange glows of light in two places," informed Garth.

"Where?" asked Dean anxiously.

"Well, the light has been sighted in a cemetery in Kansas, the name was Stull Cemetery. And the other sighting has been in a convent in Ilchester, Maryland."

"No..." whispered Cas faintly, his face had suddenly gone white.

"Cas? What's happening? Are you okay?" asked Dean worried, holding Cas by the shoulder.

"I had forgotten," explained himself Cas, as if he feared that Dean would blame him of something.

"What?" questioned him Dean.

"I- I didn't remember. This brain- it works slowly," continued defending himself the fallen angel.

"Cas, what?"

Fear had appeared in Dean's eyes, the hand in Cas' shoulder holding slightly harder. What was going to be this time?

"The cage. Lucifer's cage needs the Grace of thousands of angels to be held together," explained Cas.

"But they fell," said Dean letting go of Cas, "So that means... that means that..."

"The cage is breaking," affirmed Cas, "Lucifer and Michael will be set free."

Dean and Cas just stared at each other in shared horror.

"We're screwed," said Garth from the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe, Garth was something anti-climatic to end it with, but that's Garth so...  
> Yeah, if there's a way to sum up this fic is: things get fucked up all the time.  
> Thank you for reading.


	2. On the Other Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter title meaning is here.](http://angelsarewatchingoveryoudean.tumblr.com/post/59131886328/a-broken-hallelujah-on-the-other-side)   
> 

It had been five days since they have decided to not finish the trials, Sam was still dying and they weren't any step closer to finding a cure. Cas was still adjusting to being human, he still used Dean's clothes, and so far the experience of being someone of a different species hadn't been pleasant. Dean wasn't the best of companies to have around, it was understandable but still. Castiel had observed and marveled at humans for a long time. But now that he was one, and whose experience as such was to spend all day long between books, reading at an infuriating rate, where he had to stop to go to the toilet, to eat or just because he felt too tired, he couldn't remember what he had liked so much about humans.

Sometimes, when he looked at Dean he could remember what he had loved about humanity. Why he had rebelled and sided with humans. However, when those green eyes looked at him, it was always the same, for a moment there was hope, like he had forgotten that he couldn't see Dean's soul anymore. So then came disappointment, and then, when that spark of love he thought he had seen in the other's eyes was gone, replaced by a harsh look, came anguish.

It wasn't that Dean was angry at Cas, he was just angry at himself as always. And seeing Cas was just a reminder of what a pathetic loser he was. How he broke everything he touched. Plus, every book he read without finding a solution, only added to his frustration. But Cas didn't know that, maybe only a bit, in theory. The limitation of his human body put him in a sulky mood where he couldn't appreciate the subtitles of Dean's character.

"This is pointless," he said after finishing what had to be the hundredth book, as human he couldn't remember the exact amount.

"Well, unless you can remember a way to undo what your lovely Father has done I suggest that you continue," said the hunter with a dry tone.

"I didn't say I was quitting searching," answered Cas angrily, "I was just trying to express how tired I was," he explained, "I'm going to make dinner," he finished getting up.

"What are you going to cook?" asked Dean, and that was his way of saying sorry for being an asshole.

"Something with pork, probably," was Cas answer.

"Okay," accepted Dean.

.

They ate in an almost silence. They barely talked a thing or two about the food. When it came to small talk, Cas wasn't the best. After dinner, the ex-angel went to his room to sleep, and Dean stayed in the main area. He wanted to find some peace of mind, so he reached to the kitchen cupboard where he had hidden all the alcohol that he had bought earlier –along groceries. The hunter didn't like Cas to see him drink, it scared him the possibility of the angel taking after him and him being the reason for his best friend to turn into the broken version of that future where Zachariah had sent him. So he waited for the fallen angel to not be around to lose himself in alcohol.

This time he had vodka. He thought for a second if he should bother to grab a glass, there was actually no real need for it as he was going to drink the whole thing. However, he ended up grabbing one anyway. He sat once more at the table and cursed himself, his life, everything.

He poured the vodka into his glass and then raised it into the air.

"God, if you're there somewhere, you go and fuck yourself," and he gulped down the whole drink.

He was reaching the end of the second glass, when he heard footsteps. Fuck, so Cas wasn't asleep yet.

"What are you doing up?" he reproached to the fallen angel.

"I was thirsty," explained Cas, "How much were you drinking?" questioned him the fallen angel pointing at the glass.

"Who cares?" was Dean dry answer.

"I do," said Cas, "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't care."

"It doesn't matter," continued Dean to not answer.

"It does," refuted Cas starting to get angry, "What would happen if your liver failed? I wouldn't be able to heal you. You'd die."

"Maybe that would be for the best," huffed Dean, "Anyways, that would be my friggin' problem."

"I don't see it that way," said Cas definitely angry now, "Sam needs you. I- I need you," he confessed, "Would you leave me here alone to take care of your brother, Dean?"

"Yeah, the stranded angel needs me to help him fit into society, well, sorry, little mermaid," he spatted, gulping down what was left of vodka in his glass.

"Dean..." warned him Cas.

As an answer, the hunter poured more vodka.

"Give me that," said the angel losing his patience and grabbing the glass in Dean's hand.

"No," exclaimed Dean holding hard the recipient.

They struggled for a few seconds, until Cas, who still couldn't full measure the strength of his body, applied more force than necessary. The glass shattered into a million pieces, many of them went flying around. But one of them, a big one, slashed Cas' hand. Red blood started flowing from the gash immediately.

"Damn it!" cursed Dean, taking the angel's hand between his, "Here, let me take care of that," he said dragging the fallen angel towards the kitchen.

"You see," said Cas while the hunter put his hand under the water stream, "I can't even cure something as simple as this. I cannot lose you, Dean."

The hunter raised his eyes from the wounded hand, and locked them with the blue ones from the fallen angel. He knew it, of course, there's so much an Angel of the Lord can do for you without you getting the message. But hearing the actual words...

Sadly, the adrenaline that he got when Cas accidentally cut himself, had cleared much of the buzz from his system. So his tongue and inhibitions weren't loosened enough for him to say everything that he wanted to say.

"Wait there," he said when he broke eye contact, "I'll grab the First Aid kit."

He bandaged the fallen angel's hand, and attempted to leave, but the ever lasting stare of Cas hold him in place.

"Dean," whispered the ex-angel.

"All right, all right," conceded Dean in defeat, "I won't drink again," he promised, "that much," he added under his breath.

"Dean!" exclaimed Cas who had heard him.

"Hey, there are so many things I'm willing to give up, and beer is not one of them," said the hunter on his defense raising his hands in the air.

The ghost of a smile appeared in Cas' lips.

.

By the next morning things hadn't looked up much. Yes, things with Cas were better, after last night there was a certain easiness, like they understood each other better, there was less of an edge. However, a solution for Sam still wasn't appearing. By midday, frustration was gaining the upper hand once more.

Dean was learning against a bookcase, reading another ancient book -the Men of Letters had a vast collection. When he reached the end of the book, and he was still as close to helping Sam as he was when he started, he slammed it against the bookcase.

"Damn it," he exclaimed, startling Cas.

Thanks to the movement a book that was lying on the top of the bookcase fell down, hitting the hunter in the head.

"Damn it," he cursed again.

Cas, who had gotten up to check upon Dean, stayed kneeled on the floor reading the book that had fallen.

"What are you doing, Cas?" asked the hunter once he noticed that the former angel hadn't got up.

"Look at how the book fell," said Cas, "it was opened at this page," he pointed.

"What does it say?"

Cas got up with the book and stared reading the text that had gotten his attention.

" _The one who sacrificed everything once won't do it again. He needs the blessing of the Father, the tears will come from the tree of His flesh, and the tears shall be the blessing,_ " he read, "And look, it has an enchantment written in Enochian."

"So do you thing this it?" asked Dean with a hint of excitement, he didn't want to let his hopes to get up, but it was too late.

"I think so..." said Cas in a whisper.

"And what about the tree?" inquired Dean.

"I don't know," answered the ex-angel, and he was truly sorry, "I know that the tears means that we need to get the nectar of the flower of the tree, but I ignore the species of the tree."

"Well, that's just great," grunted Dean, "So we're back to square one then."

"I apologize, Dean."

The fallen angel gave the hunter his best puppy-eye look, the worst past was that the damn bastard probably didn't even know he was doing it.

"No, Cas, damn it, sorry," begun to stutter Dean, "I didn't mean to bark at you. It's just- I can't- not anymore, Cas. I can't hold it anymore," he cried.

The former angel remained in silence for a few seconds. He wondered if he should blatantly lie and say that everything was going to be all right. Even though he had gotten better at lying compared to how he did it at the beginning, he decided against it. He didn't want to lie to Dean ever again, he still remembered all the damage that lying had brought to their relationship.

"I am here and I'll help you with it," he said.

Dean looked at his best friend in the eyes, tears shinning in his. He saw the sincerity in them and he found that which had brought them together in the first place those many years ago. The hunter smiled.

.

"Okay, Garth, call me if you find anything," Dean said before hanging up, "Nothing on here. You?" asked the hunter.

Cas extended his arms towards the man, holding the laptop in his hands.

"I can not make this device to cooperate with me," he said.

Dean took the computer and sat besides Cas. Gulping down, he ignored how Cas got extremely close to him so he could look at the screen too. After he unfroze the machine, he typed some keywords on Google, but the results he got weren't helpful at all.

"Try to be more specific," suggested Cas.

The hunter turned around when the other spoke and was startled by the close proximity of those blue eyes that stared at the most inner depths of his soul.

"Damn it, Cas! I'm a hunter, not a botanist," he complained.

"I know," replied Cas not catching the reference.

Dean just shook his head.

"Forget it," he said trying not to think how close those kissable lips were.

After several unsuccessful tries, Dean found what seemed to be a very complete glossary of all the species of trees of the world, he was about to close the tab but Cas stopped him.

"Something may trigger my memory," he explained.

So Dean left Cas with the computer, after all, now all he had to do was read and scroll down, and went to take out a couple of beers from the fridge. He returned to the table and offered one to the fallen angel. Cas looked at him doubtful.

"I don't know if it would be advisable for me to drink alcohol when I need the full capabilities of my vess- my brain," corrected himself Cas, and lowered his look at the full-on-the-face reminder of his humanity.

Doing human things with Dean was misleading. There were moments when he forgot about the Fall, about Purgatory, about most things and he was back to after he rebelled against Heaven and he was with Dean trying to teach him human things, like when he tried to get him laid. In those blissful moments everything was fine and felt right. It was these little reminders that ruined his mood and got him down.

"One won't hurt," said Dean offering him the bottle.

When Cas grabbed the bottle, he understood everything that Dean was not saying out load, it was in his eyes.

Half an hour had passed when Dean's phone rang.

"Hey, Garth," he answered, "Found anything?"

"Oh, yes," replied the other hunter, "I did."

"So, what's it?" asked Dean anxiously.

"First, let me tell you that what I did was genius. Hear me? G-e-n-i-u-s," bragged Garth.

"Okay, okay, you're a friggin' genius, now, spill," said Dean with little patience.

"Ibira pitá," said Garth.

"Eevy- what?"

"Ibira pitá," repeated the hunter, "it means red tree in guarani because of its _red_ wood and pita in Assamese means father."

"The hell?"

"The blessing of the _Father_ blah blah the tree of _his flesh_. Father, pita and his flesh red tree."

"Oh," said Dean, "are you sure is that one?" he added a little calmer now -and dumbfounded.

"Ask your angel," replied Garth.

"Cas, Ibira pitá means something to you?" asked the hunter.

The fallen angel remained silent for several seconds, thinking about it.

"Yes..." he finally said slowly.

"You're welcome," said Garth and hanged up.

It had been after two hours of intense research of somewhere to get the plant or the flower or the nectar or something, but as fate will have it, best result was a website that had a week of waiting for the delivery. The nerves were starting to get to Dean when there was a knock on the door. Massaging his temple, and gun ready in his back pocket, Dean went to open the door.

"Special fast delivery for Dean Winchester," said a mailman.

The hunter stayed shocked for some good ten seconds.

"Yeah, it's me," he said then.

"Sing here," instructed the mailman, once Dean signed it the man gave the hunter a small package, "Here you have. Have a good day, sir,"

The mailman went away whistling and Dean got back inside the the package in his hands. He showed it to Cas and opened it. There was a small card that read, _"You owe me, -G"_ and a small flask with the inscription _"Flower extract: Ibira pitá"_.

"We have it," whispered Dean.

"I'll perform the spell," said Cas taking the flask, "We're going to cure Sam, Dean, he's going to be all right."

Dean looked at him with tears in his eyes.

"I hope so," he said.

.

The were sit at both sides of Sam's bed. Dean had been instructed to not touch Sam till the spell ritual was done. So before Cas started with it, he whispered to his little brother.

"Hold on, Sammy, we're going to make you better," he said and Sam twisted on the bed reacting to Dean's voice, "Cas?"

"I'm going to proceed now," informed the fallen angel to the hunter, "This'll be over in a minute, Sam."

Opening the flask, he distributed some of the flower extract on Sam's forehead with his thumb, and started speaking in Enochian. As the spell progressed, Sam started shaking more and more. Finally, when Cas seemed to be over with the enchanting, the big hunter stopped trembling abruptly and laid lifeless on the bed, as if he was dead.

"Cas! Is he okay?" but the ex-angel remained in silence, "Cas!"

The angel's suddenly extended arm stopped him from touching his brother. The spell was not over apparently. Cas said a last word in Enochian and threw the rest of the flask's content over the sick hunter's face.

Sam gasped.

"Sam!" screamed Dean, grabbing his brother who had arched in the bed.

"Dean?" asked the hunter sitting up with his brother's help, he was confused, like he was coming back from a long half-sleep state where somethings happened around him in a blur.

"It's all right, Sammy, you're fine now," Dean comforted his brother.

"What-? Ho-?" said the youngest man taking in his surroundings, and then he noticed the fallen angel sitting at his side, "Cas?" he asked confused, because why he wasn't wearing his trenchcoat? And where those his brother's clothes?

"Yes, Sam, it's me," answered the ex-angel calmly.

"What-? Oh," he said as the memories came back to him, and now everything made sense.

He remembered his brother holding him while they saw the angels fell, about him crashing down at the Bunker's door, a faint memory of his brother screaming his name, putting him in bed, feeding him, about Cas feeding him, the fallen angel and Dean giving him a bath...

"You took care of me," he said to both of them, "Thank you."

"Well, if you want to thank us then next time you want to close the gates of Hell on your own, don't. Or I'll kill you, bitch," reproached him Dean.

"No, you won't jerk," laughed Sam, pulling his brother for a hug.

Time later, after he was dressed and had eaten something, Sam approached Cas.

"Thank you for taking care after me, Cas, really," he said, "you didn't have to."

"Sam Winchester, you're my friend," begun Cas, "you don't have to thank me..." he trailed off, "Besides I- I owe you. For what I have done to you."

"For what you've- Wait" Are you talking about the thing with the Wall?" Sam inquired him, when the fallen angel gave him the affirmation by remaining silent, the hunter continued, "Then no, Cas. You don't owe me anything. That's done and gone and it's in the past, okay?"

Cas stared at Sam in the eye, making sure that the man was truly forgiving him.

"Okay," he said when he was sure.

Then Cas gifted Sam one of his barely-there smiles. Sam smiled back with a huge grin, he knew that these smiles were mostly for Dean, so he truly appreciated it. Patting the fallen angel on his shoulder, he went to get his laptop.

"Dean! What have you done to my computer?!" he shouted angrily.

"Hey, it wasn't me!" shouted back Dean from one of the rooms of the Bunker, "It was Cas!" he accused.

"Cas!" complained Sam, and started the slow task of repairing his computer.

.

He was getting old for this stuff, thought Gregory, if he didn't know that the only way to leave the hunter job was with his flesh burning in a bonfire, he would have hung the towel a long time ago. He wouldn't complain though, at least this time his job didn't require running, blood or anything like that. It was just about taking a few people that at first sight just seemed crazy and give them a place to live. A damn ex-angel asylum. When Garth first called him and told him everything he thought that the boy had gone nuts besides just dumb. However after meeting the first few fallen angel, he changed his mind. They were human, but there was just something about them that spoke about the power they once had. And if a hunter knew something, was to trust his guts.

"All right, pal," he said to the newest angel that had found, "you should be fine here. It's not a five-star hotel, but at least you have beds a shower room and there are others like you," he said.

The fallen angel, an apparently Indian man in his thirties, remained in silence. Gregory sighed, and led to the old storage room, now filled with beds, where the other angels where.

"Here," he said and opened the door.

The room had five others supposed angels. The new guy looked around him suspiciously, now he couldn't tell between friend and foe. He might had met these angels before but he couldn't know it now. If he did knew them, it hadn't been recently as he didn't recognize any of the vessels that were now their bodies. Only after Gregory closed the door, one of them, a forty something year old woman, spoke.

" _Who are you?_ " she said in Enochian.

" _Immanuel,_ " he answered smiling in Enochian too, good way of testing if he was truly an angel.

" _Hi, Immanuel_ ," she greeted him, " _I'm Elisheva._ "

" _Elisheva..._ " he whispered, she was well known in his garrison, she was to be respected.

" _I hope that you don't take this personal,_ " she stated, " _but we need to know where your loyalties are,_ " her tone was gently, but Immanuel could recognize the threat in her voice.

" _I can't stand this mud-monkeys,_ " he confessed, " _treating me like their equal. I just want to kill them._ "

" _We will, my dear, but not yet,_ " smiled Elisheva, " _so far we need them until we can learn to go unnoticed by the humans. And then,_ " she said, and suddenly her smile was gone and all the hate she had came through her face, " _we need them to tell us where the Winchesters are._ "

" _The Winchesters?_ " Immanuel asked confused, " _Why would we want anything to do with them again?_ "

" _Because,_ " said Elisheva slowly, " _Castiel will surely be with them._ "

" _Oh,_ " exclaimed Immanuel, and a dangerous spark appeared in his eyes, " _Good._ "

"Come we have a surprise for you," she said, now speaking in English.

Elisheva led Immanuel through the beds towards the end of the room, in the last one, a red haired woman was sat. Her eyes stared at nothing and she seemed to be whispering something to herself.

"Who's she?" he asked, something akin to fear and disgust in his face.

Elisheva got close to the woman and spoke into her ear with the sweetest and scariest voice she had.

"Naomi, why don't you say hello to our brother Immanuel?"

Naomi didn't seem to have heard her.

"What happened to her?" asked Immanuel scared.

"Metatron messed with her before the Fall," explained Elisheva, "She isn't very useful now. Save when she speaks," and the angel's creepy and evil smile returned to her face, "Oh, she is so useful when she speaks. And always cooperative, aren't you, darling?"

Immanuel knew then that even if he didn't want to it was best for him to always please Elisheva.

"So what are we going to do?" he asked.

"First, we find the Winchester and Castiel and then we torture Castiel through her weakest point. He will pay for his action with that he loves the most," said Elisheva, "The Winchester's death will be slow and painful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay.  
> First, I hope that you noticed the little foreshadowing I did. There were three things that happened that are forshadowing. If by any chance you tell me what they were, I'll give you a cookie.  
> Second, this chapter ended more on the happy side that what I originally intended. However, things will get darker.  
> Third, the angel's names were based on Manuel and Isabel, (I choose them because of the -el) and what you have is the original Hebrew name.  
> Fourth, about the tree. I didn't want it to be a tree that is in latin america, specially in Argentina, something that you may understand why after reading next chapter.  
> Fifth, I fell asleep and I'm posting this in the morning.


	3. Taking in the view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Torture  
> Sorry, for the delay on uploading this chapter, but I was very scared of doing it wrong and I had a two days excursion in one of my subjects at the university. So sorry.  
> [The meaning of the chapter title is here.](http://angelsarewatchingoveryoudean.tumblr.com/post/58650294070/a-broken-hallelujah-chapter-title-masterpost)  
> And I know that there's a part of the chapter where you may get the wrong impression, but if you continue reading to the end, you'll probably realize that no.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

They were taking things slowly for once, they hadn't had a hunt of any kind. They did keep an eye on the lights on the cemetery and convent, waiting for Lucifer and Michael to break free, unless they found a way to return all the angel's to Heaven, but so far they didn't have a clue of how to do it.

For the first days, the mood at the Bunker had improved a lot, Cas had been adjusting well and Sam had recovered the color in his face. But not much time later, Cas started to have nightmares, guilt and pain were the perfect ingredients for them. Looking for a cure for Sam had kept the fallen angel busy and when night came he was just too tired. But then he became restless and his human mind liked to torment hm with his worst memories and fears. As the nights passed Cas dreaded more the time to be alone in his room with his thoughts. And with the days, he started developing a taste for coffee. Something that would help him being more active, a bit less human.

Dean observed Cas' progress in silence. He didn't know what to do. He had no words of comfort, he had nothing to give that could help the fallen angel. Besides the upcoming 'Apocalypse II: The Return' had him worried. Apparently, Lucifer was right, no matter how many things he changed, everything ended up the same way. Even taking Cas shopping for clothes had been gloomier than what it should.

Cas at first only bought the clothes that Dean gave him, that was all jeans and plaid shirts. At first, it had been all about ignoring how the new jeans fitted around Cas' ass, which was something pretty normal. Considering... After all, the hunter had long since admitted his attraction towards the angel, he also knew about the true extension of his feelings, and that was what scared him. If he acted upon his feelings, then, what would he do when he lose him, because he knew his life, so the end was clear, sooner or later, it would happen. Maybe, even Cas returned his feelings, but even that didn't matter, the angel had made his choice clear several times before.

No, that hadn't been it, that was normal. That hadn't been what had scared Dean and made what was a rather pleasant evening to go downwards. It had been when Cas chose clothes by himself for the first time.

"That one," he said pointing at a gray loose cotton shirt.

Dean's eyes widened when he noticed what Cas was showing him.

"No!" he shouted and, grabbing the angel by the arm, started walking away from the shop, "Those are for hippies, and you're not a hippie!" he said angrily, "Wait outside while I pay for the clothes," he instructed him, shopping was over for the day.

Cas couldn't understand what he had done wrong. He didn't know, because Dean never told him with so many details, that those were the kind of clothes that his future self used. And the hunter was scared, scared that the fallen angel could end up as broken as he had seen him, scared that Lucifer was going to be free, so he was scared that Sam could end up saying yes again -or worse that it didn't matter because he had already said yes once. Dean was scared about the world and about _his_ world. However, Cas didn't know that, he just thought that Dean was angry at him. So it only helped him to sink him further down. It was in moments like this that he missed the feeling of flying.

When they returned to the Bunker they barely talked to each other. Cas was hurt and Dean was fearful. Sam tried to talk to both of them, he even tried several ways, together, alone with each one, but neither of them would give in. Finally, when he got tired of trying, he buried himself in the books and his computer.

Two weeks had passed in that fashion when Sam found the omens. It was in Phoenix and the whole thing just spoke demon activity. It had been a long time without action for them, and they all needed a hunt. Sam brought up the topic and now they were all in the Impala. Dean was driving, Sam on the passenger seat and Cas in the back. The fallen angel was not a pleasant company for car-traveling. He got easily bored and fell asleep fast. The previous times that he had traveled in the car with the boys it had always been an option. He _had chosen_ to be with them, regardless the purpose of the ride, and besides he could always flip his wings and be gone. But now this was his only way of travel and that got him pissed.

Eventually, after eighteen long hours -with brief stops for going to the toilet or to buy a small something to eat in the car- they arrived at Phoenix.

"I'm starving," said Dean as soon as they entered the town.

"Yeah, me too," replied Sam.

"I am also experiencing hunger," added Cas to the conversation.

"Okay, let's first get something to eat, then find a motel to sleep and tomorrow we'll see what's happening in this town," said Dean during the car through the city searching for somewhere to dinner.

They ended up at a Big Anderson's, they ate in silence for the simple fact that they were to hungry for chatting. Maybe, that's why they were able to hear the screaming that came from the parking lot.

"What the..." said Dean sharing a look with his brother right before his instincts kicked in.

He dropped a twenty dollar bill, and the three of them ran outside. A young woman was standing next to their car. She was dressed in a way that clearly was out of place, the jogging was fine even the hoodie -that clearly needed a wash-, but the pink slippers stood out. Her face was locked in a panicked expression, and when she noticed them, her eyes widened even more.

"You-? But how-? Pero si-" she stuttered jumping from English to Spanish and back, not forming a proper sentence in either of both languages.

"Hey, hey, calm down," said Sam slowly getting closer to her, "Everything's fine," he said resting a hand in the girl's shoulder while his brother and Cas checked out around them to see what could have possible attacked the girl, and most importantly if the threat was still there.

"Do you speak English?" asked Sam.

"Yes," said faintly the girl.

"What happened?"

The woman seemed to start panicking again and after swallowing down several times she spoke.

"I was about to get in my room... and then I was here," she said with a strong latin accent.

"Okay," agreed Sam, "I believe you," he said trying to reassure her.

"I know," she said and her panic grew even more, "but you're not real, and I've gone nuts, because you're fictional characters."

"Great," exclaimed Dean who had been listening, just what they needed another obsessed fan as Becky.

"No, you don't understand. There's no books, it's a TV show. You're supposed to be actors. There is no Apocalypse, not Leviathan, no nothing," she said in a rush, "Was," she then corrected herself.

"What do you mean?" questioned her Dean incredulous.

"Are you saying that you come from _that_ reality?" asked her Sam removing his hand from her.

"Well, not _that_ reality because everyone ended up dead in that one, but yeah," she answered.

"I do not understand," said Cas.

"Remember that universe where your friend Balthazar sent us?" said Dean looking at Cas sideways.

"Oh," exclaimed the fallen angel.

"All right," said Sam, "then who are you?" he asked her.

The girl stared at the hunter, her expression had gone from hysterical panic to fear.

"My name is Eugenia Victoria Antoni, I'm 23 years old, I'm studying in the university to be a licentiate in Molecular Biology, but outside Argentina it would be like a Master degree. My parents name are Carla Gonzalez and Abel Antoni. And they're human just as me. And I started watching Supernatural because of Tumblr, it's not my fault. Well, maybe it is, I don't know. I'm not a supernatural being," said Eugenia with almost no pause.

"Okay, okay," calmed her Sam, "we won't hurt you."

"Nevertheless," said Dean and threw holy water from a flask at her.

Eugenia dried her face with the sleeve of her hoodie unperturbed.

"Sorry, standard precaution," apologized Sam to the girl.

"So what do we do now?" asked Dean.

"I don't know but demon omens and..." said the youngest hunter pointing at Eugenia slightly with his head.

"Both things randomly happening at the same place and time is highly improbable," argued Cas.

"So I guess then Trinity here is stuck with us for now," said Dean.

.

They booked two rooms in a motel. Considering that Sam was the one with the most empathy and who had gotten closer to the woman, he and Eugenia would share a room, and the other one was for Dean and Cas. And just because he was tired in all the drama in their lives, Sam didn't hide his smile when he handed the key to Dean.

The oldest hunter and the fallen angel had already settled in their motel room, when they heard a knocking in the door.

"Dean, it's me" said Sam through the door.

"For God's sake, just open the door!" complained Dean while he opened it to let his brother in.

"One never knows," said Sam casting a short glance at the two men.

Dean decided to ignore him. However, Cas gave a long stare to Sam, thinking what the other meant by that, was he just trying to put Dean under an awkward situation? Which raised the question of why it would be awkward for Dean, or did Sam knew about how he felt about Dean? Had he meant the mockery to be directed towards him? And maybe, most important, what if it hadn't been a mockery. Was it something that his friend assumed for all pair of people who shared a room or was it just for Dean and him? If being around humans was frustrating, being one was even more, he thought.

"So how's our new Becky?" asked Dean.

"She's resting," said Sam, "I think it's just starting to sink in her that she is most likely stuck in this reality."

"Isn't that every fangirl's dream?" inquired Dean.

"Yeah, maybe" commented Sam, "But she has just lost everyone she ever loved or even knew, so I don't think so, not so much."

"Careful with what you wish," warned the hunter.

"So, guys..." started Sam, clearly trying to find a way to start what he thought was a sensitive topic, "you... you don't think she could be a fallen angel, right?"

"Nah..." disagreed immediately Dean, "she isn't, right, Cas?" he doubted.

"If she's telling the truth, then I don't think so, I can't remember any reason for a fallen angel to have memories from another reality," he reasoned.

"And if she's lying?" asked Dean.

"Then I don't know," sighed Cas.

"Guess we'll have to find out," said Dean.

Sam was about to suggest that they started brainstorming what possibly connection Eugenia had to the demon omens when they heard a scream coming from the room next door. In a rush, the three of them run in Eugenia's aid. The door was half open. Bad sign.

They found her lying in bed with a man in his thirties lying over her and chocking her. When he noticed their entry, he turned his face to them and his eyes were black.

"Fuck," cursed Dean and took from his shirt's pocket the flask with holy water.

The demon hissed when the water hit him and took away his hands from Eugenia, who as soon as she was free rolled from the bed to the floor on the opposite side of where the demon was standing. The creature from Hell charged against Dean and gave him a punch in the stomach that sent him flying towards one of the walls. Cas and Sam went to attack him, angel blade and Ruby's knife in hand, but the demon deflected Sam, taking the knife from him and throwing the big man against the fallen angel, making them fall. He was going to jump on them when suddenly he couldn't move any more from where he was standing.

Eugenia had taken out her cell phone, and grabbing it with both hand, she was pointing it in the demon's direction with the image of a demon trap.

"Good thinking," congratulated her Sam once he had untangled himself from the top of Cas.

"You had your cell phone on you when you were sent here?" asked Dean.

"Well, yes," she answered, "I was about to read some fanfiction,"

"About?" asked her Sam.

"Eh... I don't thing that you want to know," said Eugenia blushing.

"Oh," exclaimed Sam putting one of his bitchfaces, mixed with disgust when memories of Becky came to his mind.

While Eugenia continued holding her phone, the boys made a demon trap on the floor and with iron chains, held the demon in a chair. On the near table, they put a big bottle of holy water, Ruby's knife, a syringe and rock salt.

"If I were you, I'd start talking right now, otherwise things are going to get pretty ugly for you," threatened Dean.

The demon spitted the hunter in the face. Without saying anything, Dean threw some holy water on the man, making him hiss in pain.

"You're going to have to try harder, pretty boy," answered defiantly the demon.

"As you say," said Dean, his eyes hard as steel, remembering his time in Hell.

Wetting Ruby's knife with holy water, Dean started to slash slowly the demon's leg. When he paused to see if the creature of Hell was going to speak, the demon turned to Eugenia who was watching the whole scene with an unreadable expression on her face.

"What are you looking at, bitch? You know what, I'm going to get free and when I do, I'm going to kill you, but first I'm going to ride you like the bitch you are."

Something in the woman snapped. He got close to the demon, ignoring Sam who tried to stop her. She first wet his hands with holy water and then hold the demon's arms, making sure of piercing his skin with her nails.

"You know what, I could handle you trying to kill me. But spending too much time on Tumblr made me intolerant of your misogyny," she said slowly.

She grabbed the syringe from the table, filled it with holy water and stabbed the demon's groin with it.

"You were saying about riding me?" she said unloading the syringe's content.

The demon screamed, but as soon as he could, he spitted Eugenia in a eye. The woman cleaned herself with her hand and with a dangerous look he spoke.

"Eye for an eye, goes the expression," she said and stuck the needed in one of the demon's eyes.

The three men saw dumbstruck how what at first had seen like an innocent looking woman now was deviously torturing the demon.

"All right, I'll speak! I'll speak!" shouted the demon.

At that Dean focused back into action, with Ruby's knife still in hand, he took Eugenia out of the way and approached the demon.

"What are your kind doing here?" he asked.

"We came to kill her," explained the demon pointing at Eugenia with his eyes.

"Why?" inquired Dean.

" _The Father will come through the Mother,_ " he said, "she's the one prophesied."

"For what?" asked Dean impatiently.

"I don't know," he answered and to that Dean stabbed the demon's leg, "I don't know, I swear," he cried, "I only know that she's bad for our plans."

"What plans?" asked Sam from behind his brother.

"Restarting the Apocalypse," smiled the demon.

Dean made sure to erase that smile by stabbing the other leg of the demon.

"Where are your teammates?" continued interrogating him Dean.

"They're coming," panted the demon, "tomorrow afternoon."

"Okay, thank you for your service," said Dean and stabbed the demon in the heart.

He then turned to face Eugenia.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked her, pointing at her with Ruby's knife that was still bloody.

"I've already told you," she answered.

"The fuck you did," said Dean angrily,"What the fuck is the prophecy thing and all that shit?"

"I don't know," she said, and Eugenia seemed honest. Seemed being the keyword here.

But Dean had seen her enjoy the whole torture thing, so he wasn't buying her crap anymore.

"Bullshit," he called.

"Honest to God, I don't know, the closest thing I've been to the Apocalypse here is reading spoilers for season nine," defended herself Eugenia.

"Stop the innocent fangirl crap right now," demanded the hunter getting closer to her, "I saw you enjoying torturing that one," he said pointing at the demon.

"Yeah, I did enjoy it," she confessed, her eyes shone and she looked contemplative, "I just let my darkness out, I mean, we all have darkness and light inside all of us, right? As much darkness as light. And normally I write, do sports or listen to rock. And now, I just didn't hold it back and I-" explained Eugenia slowly, and a smile that on any other situation would look sweet appeared on her face, "I just remembered my strength."

"What?" asked Sam.

"Strength comes from darkness, and I just saw my darkness," she said with dreamy brown eyes.

"You're a psychopath," accused her Dean.

In all honesty, the hunter wasn't angry at the fangirl. It was because he saw himself reflected on her. He saw in her how he actually enjoyed torturing, how great it felt. And Dean hated himself, therefore, it was only logical that he hated Eugenia too.

"I'm not," answered back the woman, "I mean, tomorrow I'll feel guilty about the pain that the poor bastard being possessed felt, but now... I'm not scared anymore."

And in a weird way it made sense. Dean understood how it was like to feel scared all the time, like when his father took him in his first hunt. He remembered when he killed his first monster, the feeling of accomplishment, that no matter what came at him, he could kill it. So, okay, he was not going to kill the woman as he had planned doing so some moments ago, but just because she seemed to be involved into stopping Apocalypse II.

.

"Listen to me, Sammy," said Dean, "If she does the even slightest thing you call me, all right? Or shout or blow the ball or whatever and I'll go."

"Yes, Dean," complied Sam.

"Look, I don't trust her, "confessed the eldest hunter.

"I know, Dean" said tiredly Sam, "but she's only five-eleven, I think I'll manage."

"I know but-"

"He'll be fine, Dean," said Cas.

Dean knew he was being over-protective, but considering how he had rather recently almost lost his little brother, it was understandable. However, Cas reassurance calmed him down a bit. He trusted his fallen angel, even after everything that happened between them.

"All right, all right," he admitted defeat, "But even so, call me if something happens," he said with an accusatory finger.

"Bye, Dean," said Sam with a bitchface.

The hunter left the room leaving Dean and Cas alone. Dean stared at Cas for a while, their souls communicated through their eyes as always. But when the connection broke, he felt awkward.

"Okay, let's go to sleep," he said clasping his hands.

"I'll go to change myself," announced the fallen angel, taking his clothes from the bag that Dean had gifted him.

When Cas left to the bathroom, Dean threw himself in bed. He was not going to put himself into any sleeping clothes, not because he didn't want to be in nothing else than a T-shirt and boxers while being in the same room that Cas. It was just that he didn't trust Eugenia and wouldn't rest easy with she being in the same room that Sam, and he just wanted to be ready if something happened. That was it, there was nothing else to it.

After a while Cas got out of the bathroom with his suit and trenchcoat in a hand and wearing the clothes that Dean had first gave him. Dean didn't know how to take the fact that the former angel used his clothes to sleep in. He tried to ignore it and let the fact pass by, but for once he couldn't keep his thoughts in silence.

"You're wearing my clothes," he stated.

Cas looked at him.

"Sorry, I'll give them back to you, if you want," he offered.

"No, that's okay. It's just..." trailed of Dean unable to find the words to express his troubled thoughts.

"I find myself comfortable in them," informed Cas

"That's good," said Dean with a faint smile.

Cas tucked himself in his bed, and before turning around, he spoke.

"Good night, Dean."

"Good night, Cas."

.

If it hadn't been for the fact that he slept lightly because he was worried for Sam, he might not have heard it and woken up. For a few seconds, Dean had been confused, not sure of what had disturbed his sleep. That was until he saw Cas squirming and twisting in the other bed. His face was contorted in a frown, his hands were clutching hard to the sheets and he was saying something under his breath.

"Cas," called him Dean, rushing to his friend's side, "Cas!" he called him again gently shaking him by his shoulders.

The fallen angel woke up suddenly, a look of pure terror in his eyes. He grabbed Dean's face as if he was checking that the hunter was not hurt, that he was alive. And once he seemed satisfied, he stayed there just looking at Dean in the eyes. He was not crying, not this time, but it was probably worst than it. His eyes were filled with tears that would not fall and despair and sorrow filled his gaze.

"What happened?" asked Dean.

"You were hurt and I could not heal you," his voice did not shake, no sob interrupted him, but his tone had reached a new level of deepness where his sadness and fear could be noticed, "And I had to see you d-," but he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"It's all right, it was just a nightmare," comforted him Dean while he got more comfortable in Cas' bed.

"It was not," argued Cas, "it could happen tomorrow when we face the demons, it could happen at any given time. And I wouldn't be able to help you," then he lowered his eyes before adding, "I'm worthless."

"Look at me, Cas," said Dean forcing the former angel to look at him in the eye, "If something happens and I die, it won't be your fault, okay? No matter how it happens, it _won't_ be your fault, you listen to me?" and hardening his voice, he said, "And I don't want to hear you saying that you're worthless ever again, is that clear?"

Cas nodded. He would never voice those thoughts to Dean again, but that didn't change the fact that he would still think so. After all, he had learn the most about humanity from the Winchesters, and that meant not listening one's true worth.

Dean was about to go to his own bed, but Cas holding him slightly harder prevented him from it. No words needed to be exchanged. He arranged himself to be facing up in the bed more comfortably, and put his let arm around Cas. The ex-angel put his head over the hunter's chest and snuggling against him he soon found himself lost in dreamland again, but this time no nightmares came to him, no with Dean's heartbeat and rhythmical breathing to soothe him. Dean, however did not sleep easily again. He had pictured himself sleeping in bed with Cas several times, but it had always been both blissfully exhausted after some amazing mind-blowing sex. Not with him comforting the fallen angel after a nightmare, Cas broken in his arms. But then again, Dean should have known better than to expect his life to give him something different from a twisted version of his dreams. It was only several hours later that sleep finally claimed him into its reign.

.

Dean had suggested that they used Eugenia as bait. Sam had opposed, saying that it was morally wrong to use an innocent woman. Dean had raised one of his eyebrows when his brother decided to use the term 'innocent' to describe Eugenia and Sam had ignored him, only acknowledging his expression with a bitchface. When Cas argued that it was the best plan that they had so far, the youngest hunter knew it was a lost cause. He insisted, however, on arming Eugenia with holy water and salt, the only reason he didn't give her Ruby's knife was that in a fight, the woman was more likely to hurt herself than hurt others.

They decided to set everything in a dark alley. The plan was simple, Eugenia was going to wait on a street and when the demons started to appear she had to run to the alley, where traps painted with paint only visible to UV light were going to be set. Once the demons were in the alley, the boys were going to turn on the UV lights that they had specially installed -and by installing it was holding the lights with some screws and connecting them to a battery. Then it was just a matter of killing the demons that had fallen on the traps. Simple, right? But all of them knew better.

The demons appeared as expected. Eugenia ran as she had been indicated to. The boys turned on the UV lights and every demon was trapped. With Ruby's knife and Cas' blade they killed with little fighting every single one of the demons. And just like that, everything was done.

"That was too easy," said Dean.

"I know," agreed Sam while cleaning Ruby's knife, "But you know, don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"Yeah, but knowing our luck it's going to come back and kick us in the ass," sighed Dean negatively.

"There's no horse," commented the angel.

"It's an expression, Cas," told him Dean.

"Oh."

.

"So long no see you!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Dean hugging Garth back awkwardly.

"Well, I'll be seeing you, I guess," said Eugenia after Garth had finished hugging everyone, including a very confused Cas.

"Bye," said Sam giving a short hug to the woman, "take care."

"Thank you, Sam," answered Eugenia and then she turned to Dean, "Goodbye, Dean" she said.

"Yeah, bye," dismissed her quickly the hunter, barely sparing her a look.

Eugenia tried to hide her disappointment.

"Bye, Cas," she said.

"Goodbye, Eugenia," answered cordially the fallen angel who had no kind of resentment towards the woman.

"Ready to go?" asked her Garth.

Eugenia looked at him.

"Yes," she answered and her mouth curved into one big honest smile.

"Great!" said Garth with a grin of his own.

They both climbed into the clumsy hunter's car and bidding farewell with their hands, they went off.

"So, Sam, please tell me that you didn't fuck her," asked Dean to his brother.

"What? No!" exclaimed Sam, "We just chatted and got along."

"Hey, not judging," said Dean, "It wouldn't be so bad actually, you have a _killer_ dick after all."

"Dean!"

"Just saying..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, thank you for reading it. I was very scared of this chapter because I know that with Eugenia's back story she could be easily be read (or written) as a Mary-Sue, something that she's not. That was why the chapter was so hard to write. I wasn't going to include her at first, why taking the risk, but then I had a series of problems and no solutions, and then she came in and gave the right settings for solving the problems. She started as a tool for the story, and now I'm trying to develop her into a good character. But I am still afraid of writing her the wrong way (altough she passed the Mary-Sue test several times). She only appears in around 4 chapters more, with varying degrees of intervention. And in one just because I need to add the other key thing to her character. But she's never the main focus, so don't you worry.  
> But I'm getting to ahead of myself.  
> And if you laughed at the end (I laughed for ten minutes when the scene came to my mind because I can totally see and hear Dean saying that after that in 'Season 7: Time for a wedding' he acknowledged Sam's peen of death). But don't get use to happy endings like this, because already next chapter... I've written already half of it, and mwahahaha.  
> As you see, specially with the first part of the chapter, this is slowly taking into a TheEnd verse path. Also, this chapter is the last one of introductory chapters. With this I have set down all the elements to let the plot move and things start to happen (a.k.a. everything starts going to Hell).  
> Please, any review that you could leave will be welcomed, your opinion is welcomed.


	4. The Devil's Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic torture.  
> I'll use this space to say that if someone wants to Beta this I'll be thankful. As you can see English is not my native language so I'm prone to make grammatical anf vocabulary mistakes. Thanks anyways for reading the story despite them.  
> [Chapter title meaning is here.](http://angelsarewatchingoveryoudean.tumblr.com/post/68795693349/a-broken-hallelujah-the-devils-game)  
> This chapter is short sorry.

They have arrived at the Bunker a couple of hours ago after coming from an easy salt and burn case. They were just chilling out with some beers when Garth called at Dean's phone.

"What's up, Garth?" asked relaxed the hunter.

"Dean! I think it's happening now!" shouted Garth through the line, panic evident in his voice.

"Calm down and tell me what it is because I don't get you," said Dean his attention now totally focused on his friend.

"Lucifer! The cage! That!" shouted Garth clearly not calming down.

"What do you mean?" asked Dean.

"The lights have suddenly become impossible bright and there's this huge ray that seems like they're beaming down the Hulk and his entire family from the Enterprise," explained Garth in a high pitched voice.

"Garth, where are you?" asked him the hunter while he stepped closer to Sam and Cas who had come next to him to hear the conversation.

"Near the convent," answered Garth.

"Okay, listen to me, get out of there now," ordered him Dean.

"I don't think I can, not in time, anyway," said the small hunter casually.

"What the hell do you mean?" asked Dean, his voice full of worry for one of the few friends he had alive.

"It's too bright, and I can barely see," he explained, and after a pause, he added, "Hey, it's been fun."

"Garth, no!" shouted Dean desperately to the phone, "Don't you dare."

"Well, it's not like I've been exactly hunter material, right?" said the hunter who was always cheerful with sadness in his voice.

"Listen to me, Garth! Don't you dare die! Okay?! Don't you dare!" screamed the other on the phone.

But Garth wasn't answering anymore. Whatever was happening on the other side of the line translated into static.

"Garth? Garth!" called him Dean holding back the tears with anger.

And after what seemed ages of just static, the hunter answered.

"Okay, this time I'm sure I didn't miss anything, but... it's over?" he doubted.

"What do you mean over?" asked Dean confused, feeling relief that Garth was alive, but fearing that it may be too soon to celebrate.

"There are no lights, nothing," told him the hunter.

"Then it happened," said Cas, only Sam and Dean that knew him well could notice the fear in his eyes, "Lucifer and Michael are free."

.

It felt nice stretching the true form of his wings after what had been almost four hundred years locked in that cage. When he was done rejoicing in the simple feeling of freedom, he extended his senses to gather information of how things were after his time in the pit. And when he felt it, he laughed, he laughed at Metatron, he laughed at the Winchesters, he laughed at fate. So this was it then. It was time to start over with a different script.

So he went to Heaven to get his vessel again. Vessel rules for angels were different than those of demons. For starters there was not only the consent thing, but the vessel had to be alive. So far only one angel had managed to stay in the vessel of a technically dead person, and that had been the little cockroach of his little brother Castiel. But it didn't matter, because soon he would have his vengeance on him. Sadly, there was a small nuisance for being sent back to the cage. Normally, when a person said "yes" once that was it, the angel could come and go from the body as he pleased. But being inside the cage reset that so he needed to earn back the consent. And that's what took him back to Heaven.

He ignored the memories of his childhood that had tried to crept back into his mind. He ignored the place that reminded him that they had all been a happy family once. He ignored the memories of him playing with Gabriel and the guilt of killing him. He ignored the memories of the nights spent with Michael and focused instead in the anger of when he throw him into the cage. He remembered the betrayal of his Father and the feeling of being an outcast.

With all that pain and anger in his heart, he found Nick's heaven and smiled.

.

After the call with Garth had ended, Cas had run to his room. Thinking that he needed some time alone, Dean had let him be. But after what he thought was a reasonable time, he went to see the fallen angel, to talk to him if he needed it. He didn't know how he expected to find Cas, but he definitely wasn't expecting to find him packing. The ex-angel was folding his clothes and putting them in the bag that Dean had gifted him, in his rush, the clothes ended up all wrinkled at the bottom of the bag.

For a few seconds, Dean couldn't speak. He stayed in silence for a while, dealing with the great amount of pain that the scene was causing him. When he spoke, he hid it all under anger.

"What are you doing?" he reproached to the angel.

"I'm packing," was Cas' answer.

"I can see that," replied drily the hunter, "What I meant was, where the hell are you going?!

"I have to leave," and he looked at Dean silently begging him to let him go.

"Where?"

"It doesn't matter, I just need to leave," answered Cas, grabbing his bag and going to the bedroom's door.

Dean blocked his path.

"If I remember correctly, you had promised that you would stay," reminded him Dean piercing him with eyes that had trouble holding back the tears.

"I did, but-"

"But what? What better place to be do you have this time?" confronted him the hunter.

"It's not about a better place, don't you understand it?" asked Cas, "Lucifer and Michael are going to find me, you and your brother are safe because you've still got the sigils that I carved in your ribs. But I don't have any, so they will find me," Cas eyes just begged Dean to understand him, "I'm doing this to protect you."

"Cut with the crap, Cas," said Dean pushing the angel a step back, while he took a step closer, "For how long you're going to use the _'I'm doing this for you'_ excuse every time you leave me?"

"It's not an excuse," said Cas.

"Bullshit," spatted Dean, "what is it really? It is because you can't stand being with puny humans like me? Because if that's the problem, I've got news for you, you're now a human too."

"Dean..." begged him Cas, but the hunter was not done venting.

"What is it, Cas? Say it," commanded Dean, every word felt like a venom.

"I can't lose you," confessed Cas, "and I can't see you get hurt just because I was too selfish to do the right thing."

"And the right thing is walking away from me?" and this time he couldn't hide the hurt in his voice.

Dean's tone cut deeper in Cas that any angel blade could.

"If you get hurt because I was too weak to let you go, then I- I-" trailed off Cas.

"You what?"

"I would kill myself," finished Cas.

Dean cleaned the tears that had ended up falling from his eyes, and emitted a sad laugh.

"You know, it's funny," he said, "you're so worrying about me getting hurt, that you don't realize it, do you?" he laughed once more, "You are the one hurting me right now."

"Dean, I-" Cas eyes shone with tears.

"Stay or leave," said Dean, "but chose."

The fallen angel looked at the hunter for several seconds.

"I can't see you get hurt," he said and dropped the bag.

Dean smiled faintly.

"I think it is about time that you get it," said Dean, "you don't get to decide when I need protection from you. Besides," he added making sure that Cas was looking at him in the eye, "we're family. And that means one thing," he paused, "we stick together no matter what."

The stare that Cas gave to Dean was one of pure love and devotion.

"You know," said Sam appearing from the hallway, "what Dean says is true. You're family, Cas."

Castiel, former angel of the Lord, smiled. His 'biological' family may be formed exclusively by dicks, but here he had his true family. And apparently, they wanted him with them. So he wasn't going anywhere.

.

Nick was happy in Heaven, after being Lucifer's vessel for a whole year, and seeing the things that he had done with his body, it was a well-deserved change. Besides, in here he had the chance to be with his wife again, he had even had been able to raise his little baby. And as they had an eternity in Heaven, their baby was growing up slowly. He was resting now, reliving that sunrise that he had spent alone just to celebrate the fact that his beautiful Sarah had said yes to go out in their first date.

The sky suddenly turned black, and a tension filled with deft echos of screamed warnings filled the air. Nick turned around when he felt a presence behind his back.

"You," he whispered.

"Did you miss me?" asked Lucifer in a mocking tone.

"No..." breathed Nick stepping back in pure terror.

"Oh, you're making me feel sad," said Lucifer faking a pout, "What? I'm not pretty enough?" he asked while he held an exact replica of Nick's image.

"I came here because I need to ask you a favor," explained the devil while he got closer to Nick, who kept walking away from him, "I need you to say yes again for me."

"Never," defied him Nick finding his bravery.

"Are you sure?" inquired Lucifer with fake sweetness and he raised a hand.

Nick fell to his knees screaming in pain. His organs where liquifying and burning at the same time inside of him.

"Are you absolutely sure?" asked him the devil again.

"No, the answer is still no," hissed Nick between the stabs of pain.

"If I were you I would think that," said Lucifer his voice covered with fake concern and seduction, "After all, we're in Heaven, the laws of physics and biology do not apply here."

The devil twisted his hand once more, and Nick now laid on the floor with his organs inside out. Lucifer moved one finger, and every square centimeter of exposed meat started crisping like it was being fried, something akin to pus came out of Nick's mouth.

"What's your answer now?" asked Lucifer.

"Never," spatted Nick once he had managed to swallow down the pus.

"Never say never, baby," asked Lucifer.

Lucifer spanned his fingers, and Nick's wife appeared holding her baby in her arms.

"Sarah! No!" shouted Nick, his body fully restored as new.

"Did you know that archangels can not only kill humans, but also destroy their souls? Poof! They go. Out of existence forever," said Lucifer, "Here, let me show you."

Under Nick's terrorized gaze, Lucifer approached Sarah, he put a hand on her face. Sarah screamed while her form started to disappear, soon she was nothing but a blue light, and then... nothing.

"NO!" shouted Nick, his hands grabbing the dirt of the ground of his Heaven, while he sobbed for his wife death.

"Don't you worry, the fun isn't over," Lucifer kneeled on the ground next to Nick's baby who laid crying on the floor, "What do you say if you and I play a bit?" he said with a gooey voice.

"No, please no! I beg you!" cried Nick.

"You know torturing is not fun if you can't properly hear the creams. So why don't we give you... say, ten years," he touched Nick's baby and the boy quickly grew up into the body of a ten year old.

With one little twist of Lucifer's hands, the boy started screaming in pain.

"Please! Stop!" begged Nick crying.

"You know, one little word from you, and I'll stop," the screams from Nick's son intensified.

"The answer is yes! Yes!" shouted Nick sobbing.

"That's how I like it," said Lucifer smiling.

He grabbed Nick by the shoulder, and extending his wings he carried him to Earth. After rebuilding Nick's body, attaching the man's soul, and occupying his body again, Lucifer smiled.

"Isn't it good to be back?" grinned Lucifer, "So tell me, Nikki, do you like my new approach?" he asked and hardening his look, he added, "The good ol' devil you know is over."

.

The tattoo shop that Dean had chosen would not had been Cas' first choice. It was hidden in a dark and dirty gallery, and the shop's sign had clearly seen better times. However, according to the hunter it was the shop from one of his father's friends who had passed away a couple of years ago. Now the shop was ran by the son, who apparently had been the one that had done Sam and Dean's tattoos. So Cas trusted Dean's decision, but that didn't stop him from voicing his doubts.

"Are you sure, Dean?" asked the fallen angel.

"Yes, Cas," laughed the hunter, Cas looked almost as scared as when he had taken him to the 'Den of Inequity', "it's perfectly safe, I swear."

"Will it hurt?" wanted to know Cas.

This time Dean didn't laugh.

"I don't know Cas," he said honestly, "It depends, to some it hurts, to some it doesn't."

"Okay," trusted in him Cas.

Dean was the first to enter the shop, followed closely by Cas, so closely actually that their arms touched the whole time.

"Hey, Joe!" greeted Dean when he saw the shop owner. Joe was a caucasian man, somewhere around his thirties, save from his face every part of visible skin was covered in tattoos.

"You came for more, right?" asked the tattoo artist, "One tattoo with Joe and you want more!"

"Actually, I came for him," explained Dean pointing at Cas, "He needs the basic one."

"All right, take a seat," instructed Joe to the fallen angel, "Where do you want it?"

Cas looked at Dean.

"Where do you have it?" he asked the hunter, Dean pulled at the neck of his T-shirt and shirt, and showed his tattoo to Cas, "I want it there, then," he said, his eyes never leaving Dean's face.

Dean forgot how to breath for a moment, because Cas removing his shirt was definitely a sight. Cas' chest seemed to be sculpted by the greek gods themselves. Then he remembered that that body was technically Jimmy's, even though that was Cas' body, the body wasn't Cas. He recalled the time when Cas had been gone, and Jimmy had truly been in that body, he recalled how unattractive he had looked to him, how he had hated him. He understood that it wasn't Jimmy's body that he was attracted to, not really, he was attracted to him because it was Cas, because Cas was in that body. He wondered how those nipples would feel under his thumbs, or in his mouth under the caress of his tongue. He wondered if Cas would squirm or moan under his ministrations.

When he felt his dick starting to harden, he remembered he was in a public place and that soon Cas was going to have a needle piercing his skin. This was not the place nor the moment for such thoughts. When Joe started inking the anti-possession symbol on Cas, the ex-angel's eyes got all watered from tears of pain. Without thinking it, Dean grabbed Cas hand. The fallen angel locked his gaze with him, and didn't took it away until Joe was done.

"Alright, buddy, is done," said the tattoo artist patting Cas on the shoulder, "make sure to leave this dry for a few days and that's it," he said while he put a patch over Cas' new tattoo.

"Thank you, Joe," said Dean while Cas put back his shirt, "How much I owe you?"

"Nothing, man, it's on the house," he dismissed with a movement of his hands, "By the way, never imagined that you would find a boyfriend in this business," and before Dean could correct anything, he added, "Congratulations, man. I'm happy for you."

Dean looked at Cas who was waiting for him next to the door. For a moment, he wished that it was that simple. That Cas was just a fellow hunter, that he had met him in a salt and burn case, and when they were celebrating after the end of the case, and after a few beers he may had invited him to his bed. That later he discovered that he liked waking up to the blue-eyed hunter. And what had started as a one night stand turned out to be more. He wished for a few moments that it could have been all that way. But he learned long ago, that wishing was useless.

"Yeah, I'm one lucky bastard," he said and the weird thing, he actually meant it.

.

Lucifer found his brother sitting on the edge of a cliff.

"So you got one of your vessels back, I see," said Michael feeling his brother approach without having to turn his head back to see him.

"Be glad that you were able to keep yours, big brother, it's a nuisance to have them to say yes again."

As Adam had been in the pit with them, and neither his soul nor body had left it before them. The consent thing hadn't reset for him and Michael. So he could wear his vessel with no problem.

"I guess with everything you had done, it was particularly difficult for you," commented the eldest archangel.

"Oh, but you know me, I can be very convincing," argued Lucifer.

"I know," smiled Michael, and though the archangel still didn't turn around, Lucifer felt it. Michael sighed, "Listen to me, brother, I've been thinking, this time, we don't have to fight," Lucifer listened to him in silence from behind, "Things have already been altered, we don't have to follow the same script than before."

"I agree with everything you said, Michael," said Lucifer getting closer.

"You and me... we can figure it out, Lucifer, we'll find a way. We'll start something new."

"Yes, brother, we won't fight again," agreed the devil getting closer, he took his blade from inside his jacket and stabbed Michael in the back, "I'll start something new and you're not in it," whispering to the now empty vessel of the archangel, he added, "I'm sorry, brother," and tears shone in his eyes.

When he drew out his blade from Adam's corpse, he remembered times shared with his brother in Heaven. With those memories fresh in his mind, he swore that he would make them paid. Sam Winchester would pay for casting them into the pit. Dean Winchester would pay for diverting the original plans from the Apocalypse. And Castiel, oh, sweet and darling Castiel, he would pay in full for siding with the humans, for being their Father's favorite. The three men would pay for orcing him to kill his brother in such fashion.

"I will avenge you, brother," promised Lucifer.

And like that, he was gone. On the ground, at the sides of Adam's body there was the burnt mark of a pair of wings. Above his head, a burnt halo finished the picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, I remembered Adam and I killed him. Hooray for me!  
> Anyway, this chapter end way more happy than intended thanks to the Destiel scenes, but overall it got a dark tone (or so I hope so), next chapter will also be dark and way less happy. But hey, never the idea of this fanfic was to write something happy, there's only one chapter that will be full of smut and fluff but it's way ahead and things won't go well after it. Wahahaha.  
> Actually, the tattoo thing should have been earlier, before the face the demons in the last chapter, but I totally forgot so...  
> I also can't remember if there was something that said that the 'yes' thing was not valid if it was under torture. But let's assume that it is still valid.  
> I hope you liked it, that you feel like reviewing/commenting and that you stay tuned for more.


	5. If Summer had no Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Torture/beating up and angst?  
> I'm VERY sorry for how much it took me to upload this chapter. But I have an excuse. EXAMS. Big horrible exams. But here it is.  
> And here's [the meaning behind the chapter title.](http://angelsarewatchingoveryoudean.tumblr.com/post/68796944986/a-broken-hallelujah-if-summer-had-no-fall)

It had started. There was no particular reason for it being tonight other than it was as good as any other. They had waited till it was dinner time, when one of the hunters always came to tell them that dinner was ready. They hid at the sides of their beds with the lights off. The hunter named Harry was the one that came for them this time, when he couldn't see them or hear them, he walked to the middle of the room instead of just a few steps in as he always did.

At Elisheva's signal, Jehoel charged forward and stabbed the hunter with his blade. As if they had been waiting for the sound of Harry's body hitting the floor, all the fallen angels came out of their hiding places.

Immanuel smiled. It had started.

In the dining room, none of the hunters were expecting the fallen angels that they had helped and given a place to stay to attack them. It was cold blooded murder, but none of the angels cared. Humans had never been nothing more than tools to most of them, and even now that they were humans themselves that hadn't changed.

As fate would have it, Immanuel had to face Gregory, the hunter that had found him in the first place.

"What's happening, pal?" asked him confused the hunter.

The answer was obvious, but Gregory was an old hunter with a good heart. And even if it was a lie, for the last moments he had left to live, he wanted to believe different than what was actually happening.

"I'm not your pal," said Immanuel stabbing the hunter in the heart.

Gregory's mouth got filled with his blood, he throbbed for air one last time and died.

Immanuel looked around him, his brothers and sisters were all covered in blood from the hunters whose bodies were now laying on the floor. The vengeance upon Castiel had started.

.

"It's useless," said Sam after being directed to the voice mail for the fifth time, "I can't communicate with them."

"Do you think that they changed their phone number?" asked Dean who was sitting next to his brother.

As always between cases they were at the Bunker.

"All of them at the same time?" I doubt it," said Sam stretching his arms.

"It's been a week since anyone knew anything of them," stated Dean, "You have any ideas of someone who may be after your brothers and sisters?" he asked to Cas.

"Not that I know of particularly," answered Cas who was on the chair in front of Dean, "though some demons may want to take advantage of the fact that they're humans to extract information from them about Heaven. But I don't see the point for it considering that there are no more angels."

"We should go and check them out," argued Sam, "it's not usual of Gregory or Harry to not answer their phones."

"I don't think that would be a good idea," disagreed Dean leaning back with his chair.

"Why?" wondered Cas with a serious expression, after all they were talking about his brothers and sisters.

Dean had not told them about his conversation with Garth. He had not mentioned how the fallen angels were angry at Cas and how they may try to do some unpleasant things if they found him.

"Hmm..." doubted Dean, unable to find a good excuse in time.

"What Dean?" asked Cas again, this time fully knowing that there was something that the eldest hunter was specifically not telling him.

"Well, look, when I talked with Garth, he told me..." Dean was stalling because he knew that the fallen angels, despite being huge dicks, were still Cas' family, and he didn't want to hurt him. Because 'Oh, by the way, your family wants to hurt you and/or kill you' is not something that you drop off just like that.

"Dean..." warned him Cas.

"It's... they blame you, and I know it's not your fault, but they think so... and they're not happy, okay, Cas?"

"I see," was all that Cas said.

"I told you, it was not your fault," insisted Dean, "but try to make them understand. You and me, both know that they're some stubborn dickheads when they want to."

The fallen angel remained in silence for a while.

"I still think we should go and see what happened," said Cas.

"We don't have to do it ourselves," argued Dean, "we could tell Garth or some other hunter to check it out."

"Dean, I have caused the death of many of my brothers and sisters already. Many of them had been in self-defense, but others..." Cas gulped and when he raised his eyes to lock them with Dean's they were imploring for an absolution that was not in the power of the man in front of him to give him, "I cannot carry on my conscience more of their deaths. I need to know that they're fine."

"Alright, Cas," intervened Sam, "we'll go with you and check it out."

Dean wanted to protest, but a look from Sam was enough to put him in his place.

.

It was right already when Dean parked the Impala in front of the old storage that Gregory and co. where using as headquarters. On the inside, there were no lights on. Bad sign already.

"Have your guns ready," instructed Dean.

Sam gave his brother a bitchface for the obvious instruction, some things didn't change and his brother was still bossy. Once they had got off the car, neither of them uttered another word, they communicated just by signals and looks. At the beginning, it had been a bit hard for Cas, as now he didn't have the ability to look at the Winchesters' souls and read their emotions. However, thanks to the deep connection he had with both of them, specially with Dean, he got the hand of it fast.

The door of the building was open, as it gave in with just a soft push from Sam. The first thing that welcomed them was a strong putrid smell. Having to fight the urge to puke, the youngest hunter struggled until he found the light switch.

"This is a slaughter house," exclaimed Dean, covering his nose and mouth with his shirt.

"They're all dead," said Sam, his face twitching in disgust when his shoes got stick in the half-dry layer of blood.

"I cannot recognize any of them," informed Cas, if any of them was a fallen angel they were not on a vessel that he knew.

"No," said Sam, "they're all hunters."

"What the hell happened here?" asked Dean angrily, tired of the death of more of the people he knew.

"We need to continue looking," suggested Cas, "we have to find out if... the fallen angels are dead too," he finished, scared of the possibility of them being dead, as he saw it, it was his responsibility if they had been killed too.

"I swear that if this was _their_ work, I-" threatened Dean.

Cas said nothing in response, but Dean's words cut deep into him. If this slaughter had been committed by his brothers and sisters, then he feared that once again he would have to chose between his family and humanity, between his kind and Sam and Dean. And he was tired of choosing. He had learned that with every choice there was always guilt to come by too. Besides, he knew that at the end, no matter if it was the right choice or not, his decision was already taken, as always.

Dean was the first to enter into the next room, the one that served as the fallen angels bedroom. Cas and Sam followed him a few moments later. But Dean was gone.

"Dean!" called both, Cas and Sam.

Silence was the only answer.

"Dean!" they both called again much more desperate this time.

A metal noise came from what it seem to be a side room. Both men rushed towards the direction of the noise, guns ready in their hands.

"Hello, Castiel," greeted him Elisheva.

The female angel stood holding a shotgun and guarding Dean, who had been chained to a wall. His head was bloody, probably from a blow to the head of when they captured him. His look was dangerous, he was sick and tired of angels. Cas felt relief when he looked into the eyes of the other man. Yes, they had captured him, but they had not broken him. Yet...

Five other angels were also guarding Dean, in their hands, they all held the guns that they had stolen from the dead hunters. Their blades were also being firmly grabbed. In a corner of the room, Cas recognized Naomi. She was sitting with his back against one of the walls, clutching her knees next to her chest, her eyes lost looking at something that was not there.

"I think we need to talk," said Elisheva, "But first, your weapons..." she finished pointing at Cas and Sam.

Both men slowly lowered their guns and once they were on the floor, they kicked him them forward.

"Castiel..." called him Elisheva, "your blade."

With a frown, Cas took out the blade from his jacket and lowered it to the floor too. He knew that it had been a very off chance of his little depiction to work, but still.

"Do you know who we are, dear Castiel? Do you recognize us?" Cas shook his head, "Allow me. My name is Elisheva, and there you have Laoel, Jehoel, Gzrel, Nuriel and Sophia. Do you remember your family, Castiel?"

Cas nodded slowly.

Elisheva smiled.

"Take him," she ordered.

Two other fallen angels that had been on the opposite side of the room, came from behind and grabbed Sam by his arms. The hunter knew that he could fight them, but considering that his brother was tied in chains and that the angels had all their current weapons, he didn't deemed it a wise idea. They took him next to Dean and tied him with a rope, apparently they were out of chains.

"Oh, and I forgot to introduce you, Uzziel and Immanuel," the woman paused, "Now, Castiel, I hope you know why we have gathered here,"

"I guess this is not a merry family reunion," answered the angel turned hunter.

"You're right," replied Elisheva, "Want a clue?"

With a signal of her hand, Jehoel hit Dean in the stomach with the butt of his shotgun. When Cas tried to run to his hunter's side, Immanuel and Uzziel held him back. Dean panted, trying to put back the much needed oxygen in his lungs.

"You know, Naomi has been very helpful," Elisheva told Cas, Naomi flinched when the other said her name, as if she was afraid that the woman would hurt her, "She told us many things, things like how much you care for those two," and when she pointed at them, Jehoel and Laoel, both hit Sam and Dean in their stomachs, "Specially, for him."

Jehoel firmly grabbed his shotgun and started beating Dean all over. The hunter was used to having his ass kicked, so he didn't scream in pain. Soon he was bloody and one of his eyes had swelled up.

The beating continued.

"Please, stop!" shouted Cas, while he tried to get free from the two angels holding him, "I beg you!"

"No, Castiel," said Elisheva, "You chose those two humans over your own family, now enjoy the consequences."

"Beat me instead, please!" shouted Cas when he saw that Dean was unresponsive to the hits. At the barely conscious hunter's side, Sam struggled to get free too.

"Oh, we'll get to that," exclaimed Elisheva.

"Please, let him go!" cried Cas falling to his knees, a couple of tears had already fallen from his eyes.

Slowly, Dean raised his head, and how poorly he could, he looked at Jehoel's face.

"What are you waiting for, dickhead?" he bluffed, "Do it!"

"No! Dean, no!" shouted both Sam and Cas.

Jehoel threw away his shotgun, that had the butt all bloody, and took out his blade. In the seconds that it took for the fallen angel to give the killing stab, a fast succession of things happened.

First, Naomi moved from her place in the corner and got in the middle. Then Jehoel shouted a "No!" and there was a struggle. At last, a woman's scream was heard. When Jehoel moved away with his blade covered in blood, Naomi was laying on the floor, a red spot spreading through her clothes on her chest.

In a final act of redemption, Naomi had saved Dean. The woman looked at Cas, who understood everything, and in her final breath, she found forgiveness.

Elisheva was livid.

"Look at what you have done!" she shouted, "Dean Winchester may corrupt everything he touches, but you destroy absolutely everything," she accused him, "How many more of your family will have to die because of you?" asked him Elisheva, "Take him," she ordered.

They locked Cas in a small toilet room. It was adjacent to where they were keeping Sam and Dean so he could hear the random muffles of when they hit either of them. He focused in order to not give in into despair after all he had been a soldier of God, he had conquered in Hell and rescued the Righteous Man. So he formulated a plan. It wasn't a masterpiece and it had many uncounted variables, but it was the best he'd got.

He waited till another fallen angel came for him. He had to be fast and precise. Once the other man had taken a few steps into the toilet room, he jumped on him. Cas took the gun from him and hit him in the head with it. The blow hadn't been enough to knock him out, it had just left him stupid for a while on the floor, but that was enough for Castiel. He opened the angel's jacket and took out his blade. Cas was a soldier trained in war so he knew that you didn't leave behind uncounted variables, so with a swift movement he slashed his brother's neck.

Next, he went to the one guarding the door. Before the angel knew what had hit him, Cas had stabbed her in the back. To not alert anyone, Cas accompanied the movement of the body to the floor. He prayed silently for forgiveness to a Father that he knew wasn't listening, before heading to the room where Sam and Dean were.

His next step, was to get in and somehow free Sam before they all fell on him. But the Winchester had beat him to it. He had managed to get free of his ties and was waiting for the right moment. Cas' entrance was it. Sam jumped on the angel next to him and disarmed him. Luckily for him, it was his own gun, and he was fast into shooting Elisheva. Not so luckily, he was a bit dizzy for the blows he had received in his head so he only hurt her in the arm. Even though she was only half-dealt with, the angel next to him was the biggest threat once more. Sam stopped with his arm the other's arm that was drawing his blade, and shot him in the head.

Meanwhile, Cas was dealing with one of his brothers and another one of his sisters. He was better at fighting than them, after all he had wore his vessel longer than them and had received training but they hadn't. So it had been relatively easy to slash her throat and to stab his brother in the heart. The sound of their bodies hitting the ground was another stone in Cas' bag of guilt.

Immanuel watched his brother and sister die, and thought if their revenge at Castiel was truly worth it. After all, they had this one chance, and after everything they've done, he doubted that they were going to return to Heaven. However, his time for regrets was over when Sam stabbed him.

"Who are you?" he asked scared.

"We're the Winchesters," replied Sam, consciously including Cas as one of them.

Sam turned around and saw Elisheva coming at him, but the fallen angel didn't reach him because Cas stabbed her in her stomach.

"See you in Hell, Castiel," she said and even dying as she was, she gave him a bloody smile when she saw the way that Cas' features crisped at her words.

With hate as her last emotion, she died. Not Sam, nor Cas noticed how Jehoel escaped and ran away.

"Dean..." exclaimed Cas rushing to the hunter's side, who was barely conscious.

"Nice way of kicking ass," he said with a very faint voice, "I could have helped," he laughed.

"Don't speak," shushed him Cas while he desperately turn around to look at Sam retrieving the keys from Elisheva's clothes.

"Here, Dean," said Sam while he struggled to free his brother, "Just a moment and we'll get you to some help," he comforted him.

"I don't need help," complained Dean stubborn as ever.

"It's alright," calmed him Sam, while he took his brother by the legs.

He and Cas dragged Dean to the backseat of the Impala.

"If I stain the car with blood, Dad's gonna come and hunt down my ass," joked Dean, his laugh stained with blood.

"What are you doing?" asked Cas to Sam, who was grabbing something from the trunk of the car.

"They deserve a hunter's funeral," explained Sam pointing at the store house, "and we don't want the others returning as ghosts."

"Good point," admitted Cas.

"I'll be back in a sec, hand on," said Sam while he left carrying fuel and salt.

Cas waited for Sam in the backseat, holding Dean's head over his lap. He caressed the hunter's head while silent tears came down his cheeks. His Dean was hurt and there was nothing he could do to heal him. Guilt and pain washed over him while he he prayed for his human to not die. At the end, he had gotten Dean hurt, on what could be the edge of death. He would not leave Dean's side till they went to the hospital, until he knew that the hunter was out of danger and then... then he would stay. He had made a promise, and that promise bid him. He made his decision hugged to the fainting body of Dean.

His blue eyes were shining with tears and coldness.

A crack had appeared inside of Cas.

.

Sam carried in his arms the unconscious body of his big brother into the hospital's ER.

"Help! We've been mugged! Help!" he shouted as short explanation.

Several nurses and a doctor came in pushing a stretcher. They helped him to put Dean on it and they left, hurriedly instructing them to stay in the waiting room. As soon as the hunter was out of sight, Cas fell to the floor grabbing his head in his hands.

"Hey, hey, Cas!" called him Sam kneeling on the floor next to his friend.

Silent sobs wrecked through Cas' body.

"This is all my fault," said Cas, his voice slick with guilt.

"No, Cas, no. Please don't go there," asked him Sam, "I know that everything you learned about being human was from us, but... don't feel guilty about what you don't have to, okay? It's not the first time we got ourselves in a situation like this and it probably won't be the last, okay?"

"You heard them, Sam. They almost killed him just because I- I-" was unable to continue Cas, but Sam heard his unspoken confession.

"I know, but even so..." said the hunter and sighed, "Cas... if you keep adding guilt on you, it's going to fill you up and it's going to consume you and..." the fallen angel raised his eyes, and Sam saw the deep pain on then, "Come, let's sit properly," he said getting up and raising Cas with him.

They sat on the chairs that were there and waited. It was the first time, that being in a situation like this, Sam had to be the strong one. Before, when his brother had been like this, he had his father or Bobby to rely on, he had been able to cry. When it had been Bobby the lying one in a hospital bed, he had been able to be the little brother and rest on Dean fulfilling his role of big brother. Now, however, he had to hide his sadness and be strong. He was the one that was holding Cas up, so he couldn't come crushing down. He couldn't do it because of his friend, but also because of his brother. He knew how much Cas meant to Dean, and he couldn't let down his brother again.

"Here," said Sam offering a cup of coffee from a machine to the fallen angel.

The angel too it and drank in small sips. Sam looked at his friend and remembered how powerful he had been the first time he had met him, and now he seemed so small, so weak, so human... Despite he was now taking care of him, at least in a way, Sam didn't fool himself, he didn't thing that he was being like a big brother to Cas. He would never be able to fill in what Dean had taught him that a big brother was. He was just doing a very bad attempt of comforting a friend. But he sucked at it. He couldn't do this on his own.

The doctor came in some time later and told them that Dean was out of danger. They could see him now, but he was resting and he shouldn't be disturbed. When Cas tried to enter the room, he was stopped by the doctor.

"Only family," he said.

"He's his husband," lied Sam to the doctor in a beat.

"Okay," agreed the other and let them both in.

.

Seeing Dean in a hospital bed without him being able to do anything to change it had hit hard on Cas. Even with Sam's support, the fallen angel was spiraling down into a pit of depression, self-hate and guilt. Not only he had put Dean in a hospital because he had sinned and fallen in love with a human that he had been supposed to just take care of. But even as a human, he kept killing more of his brothers and sisters. He didn't understand why his Father had brought him back after Raphael had killed him. He was a disgrace and he didn't deserve to continue living.

He looked at Dean sleeping in the bed, still swelled up and sighed again, hiding his face between his hands. Elisheva had been right. He destroyed everything he touched.

"Hey, I thought I had been the one beaten up to death," said Dean waking up, "You look like shit."

"Dean," exclaimed Cas sitting up in the chair where he had been sulking, next to the hunter's bed.

"Hey," greeted him Dean.

"You're awake," said Cas grabbing Dean's hand and gently touching the side of the hunter's head, letting his hair slip through his fingers.

They stared at each other for a long time, until Dean checked out his best friend and spoke.

"Have you decided that you are a hippie now?" he said looking at Cas' new clothes, a light blue loose shirt and an old jean.

The fallen angel chuckled.

"Dean, I have been a genderless angel for several millenia. Your human labels hardly apply to me, even now when I'm one."

"Still... here I am, in what could have been my dying bed, and you go _shopping_ ," joked the hunter.

However, all traces of humor disappeared from Cas' features.

"The other clothes- I couldn't use them anymore," confessed the angel.

"Why?"

"They had your blood on them," said Cas, and the hunter didn't need to know anything else.

"Hey, Cas, it's okay, you know?" told him Dean, "I know why they did what they did, and it's okay..." even after all this time he had trouble voicing his feelings, "They're dicks and I don't blame you for what they did, okay?"

Cas sighed, his eyes were filled with tears, he nodded once to let him know that he had heard what the hunter said. But it was clear that he wasn't buying it.

"Cas, I mean it," said Dean, "You- you- it's okay. I- I-" but his confession was interrupted by his brother entering the room.

"Dean, you're awake," he said approaching to his brother in long strides.

"Hey, Sammy!" said Dean, missing already the comforting warmth of Cas' hands on him.

"How are you feeling?" asked him Sam.

"Better than ever," answered Dean with sarcasm, "like I'm in a spa."

Dean knew that Sam was talking to him, but he couldn't pay attention to his brother's words. Instead, he looked at Cas. The fallen angels had beaten him up because they had known that he was special to Cas, that Cas was in love with him... Even if the circumstances hadn't been the best, he felt relief. Now, he knew for sure.

The realization would have felt warmer inside him, if he hadn't noticed how internally broken Cas was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I do hate myself.  
> I mean, this chapter was never supossed to be happy. The main idea was "Cas has to kill more of his brothers and sister, he feels guilty". But it was meant to add A BIT more of guilt not this. But somehow along the way it transformed into this and I hate myself. I think it's time for me to grab my bags and go to Vancouver and be a writer of the show because fuck.  
> I hope that you liked Naomi's ending. I hadn't truly forgotten her even after her scene in Sacrifice because to me she regretted that her ways didn't work but not her ways. So I have her a chance for redemption.  
> Immanuel was supossed to be more of a bigger character, but somehow Jehoel came in and stole the spotlight (he's going to appear again), and then the scenes were almost done and Immanuel hadn't got that much participation, not as I would have liked.  
> I also hope that you think I'm handling Sam's character well, altough the main idea of this fic is Destiel and that's why there's always is at least one Destiel scene per chapter, I also want to explore the plot and other character. And I love Sam, so sadly for him, that means that there not many happy moments for him.  
> And... Hippy!Castiel. You know what that means. Because yes, it's going that way.  
> Once more, I'm sorry for the delay, but I had exams and I had a lot to study. Now, chapters will be again be posted at one per week, at least until I have exams agains.  
> Thank you for bearing with me, and I hope you like it enough as to leave a review or a comment. :)


	6. Questions of my childhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For starters, I'm going to apologize for taking almost two months to update. University and exams had been killing me (and the whole drama in the Destiel fandom) didn't help. So here it is, and here is [the meaning behind this chapter title](http://angelsarewatchingoveryoudean.tumblr.com/post/68845484963/a-broken-hallelujah-questions-of-my-childhood). I hope you can forgive me.

"You sure that you don't want your breakfast in your bed?" asked a concerned Cas to Dean.

"For God's sake, Cas! It's been three weeks! Get out of my ass!" exclaimed Dean angrily as he sat at the table in the main room of the Bunker.

"I was never in your ass," answered Cas, and Dean could have been fooled if it wasn't for the small glint that he saw in the fallen angel's eyes. The fucker understood the expression and he was just messing around with him, Dean smiled.

"Please, leave your sex life matters inside the bedroom," said Sam coming with the pancakes for Dean.

Dean was about to complain when Sam's phone started ringing.

"Yes?"

"Hi, Sam."

"Eugenia," acknowledged her Sam, Dean hardened his eyes when he heard the name.

"I'm calling 'cause... because I need your help," she said.

"What's the matter?" asked Sam.

"It's Garth," said Eugenia, "we found out about this vampire nest. I told him to wait a week before going, but he didn't listen and went anyway. Now I hadn't been able to contact him for over a day, I'm worried."

"Were you able to find the nest?" asked Sam.

"I know where it is," told him Eugenia, "But I can't check it out on my own."

"Why not?" inquired Sam surprised.

"Sam, all I have done so far was help Garth kill a wendigo, and then a salt and burn case on my own. But I don't have the experience or skills for more. Besides, I hope I don't need to tell you why a girl may have trouble in a vampire case."

"Oh... Ew!" said the boy who used to drink demon blood.

"So... could you guys come and help me?" asked the woman.

"Yeah, of course. Where are you?" agreed Sam.

"Two Cents Motel, Springfield, Colorado."

"Okay, we are going," said Sam hanging up, "We need to go," he said turning around to Dean.

"Why?" questioned him his brother.

"Look, I know that you don't like her, but this is about Garth," told him the youngest hunter.

"What did he do this time?" sighed Dean.

"He went after a vampire nest and so far he's been MIA for a whole day," informed him Sam.

"That dumbass, okay, let's go," said Dean.

.

Dean drove fast. He was worried about Garth, the stupid hunter was one of his few _and_ alive friends after all. They arrived at the motel in five hours. Sam knocked at the door with the number that Eugenia had texted him. The woman opened the door.

"Hi, come in," she greeted them, this time, unlike the last one they had seen her, she was not wearing pajamas but jeans and a plaid shirt, most importantly she was wearing shoes and not pink slippers.

The boys entered the room and where met with a contrasting sight. On one hand, the bed was not only unmade but covered in what seemed to be a mix of used and unused clothes, and even a bra. On the other hand, printed papers with clues about the whereabouts of the vampires were pinned to the wall in a way that bothered on OCD. On the table, what seemed to be her entire collection of guns and weapons were neatly set on it.

"I don't think that tranquilizer will serve against vampires," said Dean with a mocking tone grabbing a dart, a plaid shirt and the girl believed herself to be a hunter.

"It doesn't have tranquilizer, it has dead man's blood," explained Eugenia.

"Oh," said Dean fleetly leaving the dart back on the table.

"So what do you got?" asked Sam.

"Well, the red pins here are all the places where blood drained bodies had appeared," said the woman pointing at a map at the town, "However, according to the police investigation and our own questioning we figured that the attacks were actually happening here, and they were leaving the bodies on another place to mess around with the police. So we hided till one appeared and we captured him. Then we got out of him where the nest was and-"

"How did you managed to tell you, vampires don't tell on their own," asked Sam.

Eugenia looked at the table where along the weapons there was a jar of dead man's blood. Sam saw a couple of used syringes on the table that he hadn't noticed before.

The woman cast a brief glance at Dean before saying, "It doesn't matter," and taking in some air, she continued, "Anyway, once we knew we kill him. We were about to go but that's when my menstruation came. So I couldn't go because they were going to smell me coming from blocks away. But if we didn't go immediately they were going to know that we were after them. So after arguing, Garth decided to go on his own. And then he wasn't answering his phone so I called you and that's it."

"So if you know where they're nesting, why hadn't you gone already?" asked Dean who still mistrusted the woman.

"Because ignoring the fact that I'm menstruating, I would most likely get myself killed," she answered, Dean raised and eyebrow like asking what was the problem of that, Eugenia continued, "And though I give two cents about my own life this is not about me, this is about Garth. And I won't risk _his_ life."

"Why?" asked Cas, he wanted to understand the intentions of the woman to know if his judgment of her was correct.

"He's my best friend," answered Eugenia, she didn't add that he was also the only one she had.

"Let's go then," said Sam. They grabbed the weapons and syringes with dead man blood and left the motel room. When Eugenia was trespassing the door, Sam held her back by the shoulder, "Everything's going to be alright," he told her "He'll be fine."

The woman stared at him, before saying, "Thank you, Sam," and when she smiled to him, even though it was a sad smile, it was also genuine.

.

The nest was located on a big typical, though a little on the outskirts of town, suburban house. Not the kind of place where you'd expect five adult vampires to be living in, six if you counted the one that Garth and Eugenia had killed. They entered the house by the backdoor, that Dean had successfully opened with a lock pick. Besides the kitchen that was totally empty, the rest of the room of the main floor were clean. It was like a normal family lived there, but it seemed to forced.

Dean didn't like it. Sharpening even more his senses, he spoke.

"Eugenia and I'll check upstairs. You and Cas, go and check downstairs," he told his brother, he knew that he and Cas were perfectly capable of looking over themselves, and this way, Dean could keep an eye on Eugenia. He still didn't trust her, there was something in her that made his hunter senses tingle.

"No, Dean," said Cas, "I'll go with you."

The hunter and the former angel stared at each other for several seconds. Dean was perfectly able to read in the other's eyes his need to protect him. And the devotion and love that he saw in those blue eyes softened the tone of his answer.

"Come on, Cas, I'm a grown up man. I don't need you to babysit me," but the hardness of his words didn't reach his voice, because he understood why Cas didn't want him to let him out of his sight. He knew that the memory of what had happened the last time was still fresh in the fallen angel's memory.

"You were my charge once," said Cas, "I am no longer an angel, however, I still hav- I need you to let me watch over you."

Dean was at a lack of words after the confession. The angel's name got stuck in his throat while they shared one of those looks where they got lost in each other's soul.

"Come on, Euge. Let's check the basement," said Sam to put an end to any argument, specially because he wasn't going to stand another session of eye-fucking between Cas and his brother.

"Alright," agreed Eugenia immediately, casting an amused glance at Cas and Dean, this was way better than any fanfiction. It was so canon that she had to hide back a smile, but then she remembered that Garth was still missing and she was back full-on hunting mode.

It took a few seconds for Dean to come back from the depth of Cas' eyes. He had to remind himself that this was not the moment for it. True, it was the excuse that he used all the time to not face his feelings for the fallen angel, but now in the the middle of a hunt, it was _really_ not the moment for it. His brother and Eugenia were already gone, so he and Cas went upstairs.

The rooms were empty of vampires. The entire house seemed empty, even though it was full of furniture and decorations. It was clean, noted Dean while he passed by a giant cupboard in the middle of the hallway, not a trace of dust on it. However, it felt fake, like it was there and none used it. What bothered him the most was that he could not properly put a finger on was wrong about the house.

He hadn't got any time to dwell in his thoughts, because suddenly Cas grabbed him and pushed him against the wall next to the giant cupboard. His hands was over his mouth silencing him. And then he heard how someone, probably one of the vampires came down from a trap door on the ceiling, passed by, without noticing them thanks to Cas quick thinking when he hid them. Cas took away the hand from his mouth and they waited to hear the vampire take the stairs down and leave. They were both alone again.

Dean now noticed how the other's body was fully pressed against him. Their chests moving together and he knew that his labored breath had nothing to do with the vampire that had passed. His eyes locked together with Cas' and there was no more denying it. This, what was happening between them. It was clear in the way that Cas held him as if he never wanted to let him go. It was clear in the beginning of an erection in his own pants. It was clear in the way that those blue eyes looked at him with so much love and devotion and lust. Dean's eyes dropped to those kissable lips and that was it. He couldn't hold back anymore. He didn't care that they were in the middle of a hunt, that vampires could storm in at any given moment, that it was clearly not the right time. He was in.

He looked one last time at Cas eyes, and he finally drove in for that kiss. But then, something snapped in Cas. His features hardened, and without a single word, he dropped him and took several steps back. Dean had to hold in a sharp breath because suddenly, it hurt. They hadn't been a "I'm scared, I can't do this," or "We should leave this for later", that had been plain old rejection. And it hurt deep.

Dean asked him for an explanation with his eyes, but Cas refused to give him one when he looked away.

"We need to check the attic," whispered Cas, his voice dried of any emotion.

The hunter nodded, trying to get his head back into the hunt. He didn't understood it, he had been so sure that Cas was on the same page than him. But guess that is what happens when you let your feelings out, Dean thought.

The attic turned out to be empty of monsters, but lying on the floor there was the pale body of the missing boy. Cas kneeled on the floor and checked the boy's pulse.

"He's dead, Dean," he informed.

"Yeah, thank you, Doctor McCoy," snapped at him Dean, without the patience to stand Cas' obvious comments. To make things worse the fresh blood stains on the floor told that a few minutes ago the boy was probably still alive, meaning that if they had gotten to the attic sooner they may had defeated the vampire and saved the boy's life.

"Let's go downstairs," snorted Dean, the vampires were probably all in the basement and if something had happened to his brother he would kill that bitch.

Emotionally rejected Dean was something dangerous.

When they arrived at the basement they saw that indeed, the blood-sucking monsters were there and Sam and Eugenia were fighting them. The gigantic hunter had just finished decapitating one of the vampires while Eugenia was struggling with one of her own.

"Come on, you little angel," said seductively the male vampire while he dodged the woman's blows, "You smell so good, I bet you taste _specially_ better," he finished jumping on her.

But Eugenia had managed to take out one of the syringe with dead man blood and stabbed the vampire in the neck with it.

It would had worked if it wasn't that she had forgotten to take out the cap that protected the noodle. Apparently Garth had been a good teacher. It may had been her end if it wasn't that Cas with one swift motion cut off the head of the monster.

"Thank you," said Eugenia, after the headless body fell to the floor while she went to grab her blade that she had dropped some time during the fighting.

"You're welcome," answered her Cas cordially.

And that pissed Dean off, because it hadn't been the same dry I'm-an-angel-of-the-Lord-with-no-feelings tone that Cas had used with him a few moments before, it had been regular little-angel-in-a-trenchcoat-with-feelings tone. Okay, without the trenchcoat, and the feelings had actually just been regular concern for another person's life, but still, there had been emotion. And that's was more than what he had gotten so far.

Dean vented out his frustration by decapitating as many vampires as he could.

They only let one alive vampire to interrogate her about Garth.

"Where is he?" asked Dean to the female vampire, pressing his blade against her.

"There," motioned the vampire pointing to a corner of the basement that had a different set of sheets hanging.

Eugenia rushed to the sheets and moved them away. Lying on a dirty bed there was Garth apparently unconscious. The woman didn't hesitated on taking the man between her arms and hold him there.

"What have you done to him?" demanded to know Dean pressing his machete against the monster.

"Nothing, I swear," she said, "He came in, blade in hand and everything, he took a few steps and fell down the stair. He's been unconscious ever since," she explained, "There's no fun in playing with your food if it is asleep," she said.

And just like that, Dean killed her just for suggesting that his friend was food.

In cue, as if knowing that the action was over, Garth woke up.

"What did I miss?" he asked.

Dean sighed relieved.

"You stupid bloody idiot," insulted him Eugenia hugging him hard, "Do that to me again and I'll kick your ass so hard that you won't be able to walk straight for a week," she threatened him.

"Hey, I love you too!" said Garth hugging her back.

"How do you feel? Are you fine?" asked a concerned Sam.

"Save from a small headache I'm super," answered Garth.

"Are you good enough to get the Hell out of here?" asked him Dean.

"Yeah," grunted the hunter.

Sam was helping Garth to get up, when a stranded vampire came out from somewhere between the hanging sheets. He seemed to be a newly transformed one, he was scared and therefore, he was dangerous.

It happened fast. One second Eugenia was helping Garth, the next one she had her hand on the vampire's face. There was white light coming from the creature's eyes and then he fell down to the ground dead.

"The fuck?" exclaimed Eugenia horrified taking several steps back once she realized what she had just done.

There was a moment of dumbstruck silence, until Garth spoke.

"Gurl, did you just totally smite that vampire?"

"I- I-" stuttered Eugenia unable to come with a proper answer.

"Cool," smiled Garth.

But the other three hunters didn't seem to think so.

"Who are you?" questioned her Cas abruptly grabbing her by her arms, but before she could ever utter an answer, he asked her again, "What's your name?"

"I'm- I'm Eugenia," she muttered.

"No, give me your real name!" demanded Cas, his tone becoming dangerous, he needed to know if she was a fallen angel, and if that so, how and why.

"I've told you," breathed the woman, "I'm Eu-"

"Don't! Give me your real name!" urged Cas.

"She's telling the truth, bro," said a voice from behind the hunters.

A new surprised silence reigned the basement.

"What? Did ya' miss me?" asked Gabriel with a smile on his lips.

"Weren't you dead?" asked Dean as soon as he got out of his stupor.

"What? You thought that Cassie here is the only one that Dad ever brings back from the dead?" chuckled the archangel and smirked with a playful evilness when he saw the shock on the others' faces, "Anyway," he resumed clasping his hands together, "she's telling the truth, she's not a fallen angel."

"Yes, yes, I'm human, I'm human," said Eugenia hurriedly trying to convince herself more than the others.

Gabriel laughed.

"Well, you are not that either," he said.

"Nah, I am human, I am," denied Eugenia, unable to accept otherwise, but she knew that humans don't smite vampires.

"Then what is she?" asked Sam.

Gabriel's smile grew.

"She is..." from somewhere came the sounds of drums, Gabriel waited for several seconds, letting the drums increase in temp, until they suddenly stopped, "a half-angel, half-human," he exclaimed, "You're literally one of your kind," he said to Eugenia.

"That's ridiculous," complained the woman, "it makes no sense."

"She's a nephilim, then," said Cas.

"Aren't you listening, bro?" tutted him Gabriel, "Nephilim is the descendant of an angel and a human. She is half-angel, half-human. Dad made her that way on purpose."

Gabriel held Cas' stare for a long while, the fallen angel knew the implications of the archangel's words. Their Father.

"Why?" asked Cas.

"Because she is, and let me add more music to it," the sound of drums reappeared, " _The_ vessel of God."

The five hunters just stayed in a perplexed silence.

"Oh, come on, the demons get it, but you don't?" chastised them Gabriel, "The Father will come through the Mother," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe.

"But Euge doesn't have any child," said Garth, "You don't, do you?" he then asked turned to the woman.

"I don't, but..." Gabriel smiled while the pieces started falling into place into the girl's mind, "Eugenia Victoria Antoni... EVA."

"Eve," translated Cas from the Spanish, realization dawning in him too.

"So... she truly is the vessel of God?" asked Dean, because then maybe he should treat the future vessel of God a tiny bit better.

"Yep," affirmed Gabriel matter of factly.

"What does it have related to her being half-angel, half-human?" asked Sam.

"I thought you were the smart one, Samsquatch," said the archangel, "you don't truly expect that any ordinary human can be God's vessel, right? Prophet's can barely serve as _temporary_ vessels, the old man's final and eternal vessel can only be but special."

"What do you mean?" asked Eugenia.

Gabriel sighed, "And I raised you to be a smart girl. Anyway, a vessel can only be human, right? And not every human can sustain being a vessel. Some even have problems with lesser angels, right? I mean, Luci had to drink lots of demon blood for his vessel to hold him. It is more than obvious that God's true vessel will need something special to hold him, _right_? Something, like a _Grace_ ," he explained elongating some words.

"No, wait," exclaimed Eugenia, "It still doesn't make sense. How can I be God's vessel when I was born and raised in a whole different universe. I mean, sure, there were some ghost and stuff, my uncle was possessed by one twice a year. But no way it was the same magic and laws as here, so no, I can't be God's vessel or some kind of human/angel hybrid."

"Oh, yeah, about that, little sis," said Gabriel, "All of you life happened in this very universe."

"The fuck?" was Eugenia's expression.

"Say hello to mum and dad," said the archangel, and with a snap of his fingers a middle age couple appeared, "Say hello to Russell," and a small dog appeared, "You had to grow up in a controlled environment."

Eugenia's eyes were filled with tears, she opened and closed her mouth several times trying to speak but no words came out.

"Why?" she finally gasped.

"Daddy said you had to live a _normal_ life, but you also had to know the supernatural side of things so..." said Gabriel casually.

"But there were the books, why it had to be..." but she couldn't finish because she was slowly entering a stage of shock.

"Oh, where would have been the fun of that?" asked Gabriel with a grin.

"The fun..." repeated Eugenia because she couldn't believe it.

The girl fell to his knees and Garth rushed to her to comfort her.

"You said you'd spoken to Father," intervened Cas, changing the focus of the conversation.

"Well, that implies that we exchanged words, it was actually more, he spoke and I listened," explained Gabriel.

"And what did he say?" asked Cas, something akin to hope shone in his eyes.

The features of the archangel softened, and he was no longer the trickster but a big brother speaking to his younger sibling.

"He didn't say much, he only gave me instructions regarding her and that's it. He then dropped me in 1990 with a baby. And I obeyed because..." and the facade of the carefree archangel was up again, "Well, the old man had just brought me back, what's one small favor, right?" but everyone could see in his eyes that there was more to it than what he let through.

However, the family moment was broken when Eugenia started groaning in pain. She was bended over the floor, her fingers clutching in vain to the floor while Garth still comforted her with his hands on her shoulders.

"Oh, about that," commented Gabriel, "your Grace is awakening, and it's going to hurt. So, sorry, little sis, but hey, you'll get a new set of shining wings!" he smiled and then turned to Castiel, "And before I forget," he said taking several steps towards Cas with an extended hand.

"Hey, hey," stopped him Dean stepping between the two angels and taking out from his jacket one of the angel blades that they had retrieved from the fallen angels that had attacked them, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Helping, of course," said Gabriel with a cocky smile.

"And since when do you want to help?" told off Dean.

"Alright, now I feel insulted," complained the archangel, "In the first place if it wasn't for me you wouldn't had known how to put Luci back in the cage. Besides, it's not like I hadn't been helping you lately," before Dean could ask Gabriel's entire form transformed before his eyes making him look like an entirely different person, "Come on, Dean-o, don't tell me you have forgotten already."

"Son of a bitch!" exclaimed the hunter when he recognized the mailman that had brought him the flower extract to cure his brother.

"Really? Don't you thought that you had it easy with those demons? And did you _truly_ , _truly_ believe that that dumbass had figured out the whole Ibirá pita thing?"

"Hey!" complained Garth when he realized of the insult.

"Nothing personal, kiddo," said Gabriel turning back into his regular shape, "I still think you're awesome. And by the way, you three owe me," he finished and finally reaching Cas his pushed his hand against the man's chest.

Cas curled back in pain.

"There, now the devil you know won't be able to find you," he said, "I'm still waiting for my 'thank you' you know. You owe me..." he said stepping back, "in big," and with a snap of his fingers Gabriel was gone.

"That son of a bitch!" shouted Dean, because really, he was tired of all those dick movements. The hunter looked at the girl on the floor and felt awkward, sure he may not like her, but he still felt kind of sorry for her, "I think we need to leave," he said, Garth would be able to deal with her.

"If you need help with your... Grace, call me," offered Cas kneeling briefly besides her, because he had realized that she was now family, and maybe just one of his relatives that didn't want him dead. Eugenia could barely nod between sobs.

"Yeah, call us," said Sam, he wanted to comfort her more, but Garth was already taking care of that. He had hoped that maybe once, he had found a friend for himself. Garth, Charlie, they were all Dean's friends first, not his. Besides, Dean had Cas. The fallen angel was his friend, yes, but he didn't have the 'profound bond' thing.

And he, aside from his brother he was alone. No stable relationship whatsoever.

It wasn't until they fully left the house that Eugenia's sobs were not heard anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had been afraid of this chapter. Eugenia's story is tricky and to easily to fall into a Mary-Sue thing (I mean, fangirl who gets into the spn verse, has then angel powers and it's then related to some of the main characters, that's classic storyline for a Mary-Sue). So that's why several times I considered re doing her whole story line, erasing the whole coming from a new universe and being raised by Gabriel. But then, just when I was going to press the reset button for her story I realised that there was things that fit for her character and my intention of putting her in the story. So her original story stayed. I think I managed to tell it right. You'll be the judges to that. It's fair to assume that you may have some kind of idea of why I need her in the story now.  
> The Destiel in this story is slowing escaliting. I mean, things will get there soon, but first thing are going to go down. Last chapter was about breaking Cas, and now he's broken. He thinks he doesn't deserve Dean, he would leave if he wasn't determined to do his best to protect him. But he won't claim him as he wants to. And Dean. Well, Dean has made a long path and he's finally more accepting of what he wants and... damn it! They were so close.  
> Garth is a cutie pie. And I love him. Which won't be good news for him in the future.  
> Gabriel... I was holding him back since chapter 2. He's going to appear in a couple of chapters more, with a bit of a more active participation than just the deliver of the explanation for the plot twist.  
> And Sam... I once read a post of how Sam is the only one who doesn't have like a friendship, a stable relationship. At the begining I wanted to put Eugenia there, and give him that friendship outside his brother that he ao much needs. But then, Eugenia was set more to have a deeper conection with Garth than with Sam, even though she and Sam do share a conection (thanks to having shared a motel room at the begining). So no, Eugenia is Sam's friend, but is not _the_ friendship that he needs. Which is great for the story, because it helps to alienate Sam and put him down, but no so great for Sam.  
>  Anyway I hope you like it and thank you for being patient with me.


	7. We're not alone anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: I could say that violence, but it's not like you're not used to it if you're here in this chapter. Also a lot of deaths.  
> The meaning behind the title is [here](http://angelsarewatchingoveryoudean.tumblr.com/post/69345368062/a-broken-hallelujah-were-not-alone-anymore).  
> Only one day later than what I thought I would. And thanks Karma for being like an un-official Beta :)

When the angels had been expelled from Heaven, banished from it forever, Jehoel had not had a vessel. So he had just fallen, scared, not understanding, burning. He ended inside the closest human. Poor Brian had been a good guy, he had been a social assistant, his dream to make the world a better place. When Metatron stole Cas' grace and cast the spell, he had been planning on how to propose to his girlfriend.

Brian hadn't had a say on it. He was trying to find something to watch on the TV, when he saw white, and then nothing. The force of an angel arriving on his body, killed him, besides there was no other way as two souls cannot reside in the same body. Jehoel had been lucky, because Brian was young and strong in his mid-thirties and he had been good looking which would ease things to him. The shock from being something ethereal and celestial to suddenly being confined into a physical form had left him unconscious for several hours. He had woken up under the caress of a young woman. He had snapped her neck after he realized that he couldn't smite her. Once he had understood that he had fallen away from Grace, he had ran away.

On the run, when the thoughts in his now limited brain had finally cleared, he knew what had happened, and that as it was usual lately in all the disasters in Heaven, Castiel was to blame. Some time after, Harry the hunter had found him. Jehoel was lost, so he took in the hunter's hospitality. There he found Elisheva. She had been good. But Castiel had been Castiel, and now Elisheva was dead.

He was smart. So he knew when to run away, so he had run it. Sometime later Lucifer had found him. The archangel had told him how he had been freed from the cage, but Jehoel knew that already. What he hadn't known was that Michael had been weak after his time locked in and that Castiel and the Winchesters had used the occasion to kill him. Lucifer had told him, that he meant to restore everyone to where they truly belonged. But that first he needed his help, Jehoel had accepted gladly.

"Do you think he's ready?" one of his fellow angels asked him.

"Yes, throw him in the tank already," he replied.

The Croatoan infected man was struggling and gagging trying to get free from the ropes that held him down. Insensitive to pain, his wrist were bleeding because of the ropes incrusting in them. It took two fallen angels to put him inside the water tank. As Jehoel was the leader, he took the pleasure of ripping the guts of the man. The blood stained the water red, but after a few seconds the water became transparent once again, like there wasn't a dead Croatoan bleeding in it.

.

"So get this," said Sam finally diverting his eyes from his computer, "this is flash news. So I guess we can still arrive in time. This hotel in Wisconsin, people start going insane, killing one another."

"So, we have a case of mass demonic possession?" asked Dean before taking another sip from his beer.

"Yeah, it would seem so, but here's the thing, the 911 operator said that the survivor he talked to said that to some of the people the got their hands on, they were forcing them to drink blood. So unless they are trying to create a new army of demon blood addicts, I doubt that it is demonic possession," Sam told him.

"You're not implying that it is..." Dean trailed off.

"I'm afraid so," confirmed Sam.

"Son of a bitch," insulted the hunter. "Okay," he sighed, "let's kill some croats. Where it is?"

"Hotel The Pinnacle, in Sterling, Colorado," informed his brother.

"Dean," intervened Cas while they grabbed their bags and headed to the garage, "I believe that will have to do more than just killing some croats," and if Dean noticed the lack of air quotes when the fallen angel said the new word, he said nothing. "With Lucifer free and considering last time, I doubt that it is just an sporadic case. We need to find out if this is the only case and if they're trying to spread it wider than just this hotel."

"Well, if that just doesn't make things cheerier," celebrated Dean sarcastically opening the door of the Impala.

Cas headed to the passenger's seat. Since he had started hunting with the boys, he and Sam had started a silent game, it hadn't started as such, but it was their thing now. The unspoken number one rule was that whoever got to the passenger's seat first got to sit on it. The other rule just was that it had to be subtle, things like running and pushing the other were not allowed. Cas wasn't even aware that he was playing a game, but somehow he had fallen into it and he liked it. And this time he had won.

"No," said Dean with a voice so sharp that it could cut through steel when Cas got his hand on the handle. "You go in the back."

Cas stayed frozen in his place, the words and the tone of the hunter had taken him by surprise.

"Come on, Dean, we don't have all day," complained Sam.

"No, he goes in the back," insisted Dean refusing to enter the car.

The amount of hurt that was being inflicted by Dean could be seen in the fallen angel's eyes. He wanted to ask why, but he was afraid. If he was afraid of the possible answer or that Dean would directly tell him to stay behind in the Bunker, he didn't know.

But he knew that he was there just to protect Dean and he had no rights to claim regarding the hunter. So passing by Sam, he took the back seat without complaining. Truth was that Dean was hurt. Cas' rejection in the vampires' house had cut deep into the hunter's heart. He had seen the love, the lust and the devotion in the ex-angel's eyes, so the rejection made him feel insulted. Because it told him that Cas didn't want to feel what he felt, that he was not good enough for the fallen angel. He knew it of course, he was no good for no one, but even so... He felt like all those years of deep bonding had been a ruse, he felt betrayed. He wanted to tell Cas to leave the Bunker and never come back, but he couldn't do that, because he still need him.

"You're being an idiot, Dean," Sam said to him, once they were all inside the car. He didn't knew what had passed between his brother and the former angel, but he knew that Dean was behaving like an idiot anyway.

"Shut it, Sam," Dean snarled at Sam.

"No, Dean, you just behaved like a jerk, and I'm not saying it playfully," commented the youngest hunter, he loved his brother but Cas was also his friend and he wouldn't let him be bullied, not even by Dean.

"I mean, Sam, shut it!"

Only Dean dangerous glare silenced Sam. For now.

.

The hotel seemed a war zone. The furniture was broken and teared apart, there was blood everywhere and Dean reorganized the remainders of a human intestine in a corner. Guns loaded, they found their way around the hotel. The ground floor was empty of Croatoans, mostly, one had appeared but she had been easily put down by a shot in the head.

On the second floor however, they found a room with survivors. Sadly for Sam, the first to enter the room, he was welcomed with a blow to the head with a stick. Fortunately, Dean and Cas arrived fast to convince the survivors that they were in fact no Croatoans.

There were six survivors. Fred and his daughter, little Daphne, Daphne's mom had already been taken by the virus; Susan, the maid; Brad, the young and successful business man; Mrs. Norrington, the famous mystery writer, and Pete, the chef who had survived thanks to the blade of his meat knife.

"So how did it start?" asked Dean wanting to know where they were standing with this whole situation.

"It started like, ten... twelve hours ago," said Susan who clearly was the one who had been holding everything together, "The first to start acting weird had been Esteban, at the beginning he just seem to be in a particularly awful mood, he screamed at everyone and then suddenly he jumped on our manager and snapped his-"

"Daddy, I'm thirsty," interrupted Daphne.

Everyone looked at the little girl.

"Okay, honey," said Fred getting up and taking a glass and filling it with water from the faucet in the bathroom, "Here you have."

The girl took the glass and drank avidly.

"Like, I was saying," continued Susan, "Esteban killed our manager and then everyone else started behaving as if they were possessed. They started killing people, and some of them forced other to drink blood. And the ones who did, started acting like possessed too. It was Hell," said Susan.

"Yeah, I never thought I'd used this knife to cut something else that cow meat," commented Pete, the chef, looking at his bloody knife, "but it was us or them."

"When I found Pete, I thought that he was possessed too for a moment. Then I realized that he was one of the few sane ones," Susan told them.

"He saved my life too," added Fred, hugging his daughter hard against his chest. "Katie had just come out from a shower when she started to behave strangely, she had grabbed a knife and she was about to hurt our Daphne and that's when Pete come in and- and-" but his sobs wouldn't let him continue.

"Hey, hey," Susan came to him, "grip it together, it's not time to lose it now. Your daughter needs you."

"Daddy, I'm thirsty," said the seven year old girl.

"Okay, honey," said Fred putting down his daughter and cleaning his tears.

"And how did they found you?" Sam asked to Brad.

Brad stuttered the beginning of an answer. Susan laughed.

"We found him running down the hallways screaming his lungs out," she said.

"That's not what happened," exclaimed Brad pointing an accusatory finger at Susan.

"Pal, you had peed yourself," barked Pete in what seemed to be a laugh.

"What about you, Mrs. Norrington?" asked Cas.

"Oh, darling, call me Esther," said the old lady, "I woke up from my nap and knew that something bad was happening. I heard them outside," she said pointing to the rest of the group of survivors, "and made them come in."

"I'm telling you," sighed Pete, "it all started when they found that dead guy in the water tank. That was bad mojo."

"What dead guy?" inquired Sam eagerly, thinking that they had the thread of something.

"One of the workmen. They found him dead in the water tank," explained Pete, "I can't remember if they managed to get his body out before everything started."

"And how did this guy died?" asked Sam.

"Had his guts ripped out or something like that," informed Pete, "The water tank, strange place to dump a body if you ask me."

"Son of a bitch!" cursed Dean when realization hit him. His eyes locked with Cas and then with his brother. They both knew too.

"Daddy, I'm thirsty," said Daphne once more.

The oldest hunter drew out his gun and pointed it to the girl.

"Dean, what are you doing?" shouted Sam, putting his hands up ready to jump on his brother and stop him.

"The girl, she's infected!" claimed Dean, gun aimed straight t the girl's chest.

"No, no, she's not!" jumped the father hugging his girl and protecting her with his own body.

"Don't you get it? The water is infected with the Croatoan virus. And that girl had been doing nothing but drinking water since we got in."

"No, not my Daphne! Not my baby! You won't hurt her!" screamed Fred still using his body to cover her.

"Haven't zombie movies taught you anything? That's not your girl anymore," said Dean gesturing with the gun, "Now, move," he ordered.

It was fast.

"No!"

"Dean, wait!"

_Bang!_

Fred fell dead to the floor.

"Dean!" shouted Sam furious, "Are you happy now?"

The death glare that Dean threw at his brother wasn't as much hurtful as it was broken. As if he was daring Sam to tell him the last time he had been happy.

"Sam, Dean is right. The girl is infected," argued Cas, "It was foolish of the father to step in."

"Oh, come on Cas!" complained Sam, "you're truly-" the hunter babbled trying to find the right words, "She's just a little girl, Dean!"

He was angry because with the devil set loose Sam couldn't afford the gray moral. Nor he could afford a broken brother and a broken angel. He needed to believe for a while longer, that even with all the shit hitting the fair, that what they were doing was right. But then again, he was a Winchester and what a Winchester wanted never got along with reality.

"She's not anymore, Sam, she's a croat!" shouted Dean back.

As to prove Dean's point, Brad's high-pitched scream drew back their attention to Daphne. The girl had taken down the man and was piercing his chest with her bare fist. After Dean had swiftly shot her in the head, Brad was left convulsing in the floor, blood coming out in weakening pulses from his mouth and chest until he died.

Silence reigned the scene for a while. The remaining survivors were shocked. Dean's silence held anger, he was angry at himself, at the situation that resembled too much that one of _that_ 2014\. He hated croats and he hated his own decisions. He could see the path that was forming and he didn't like it one bit. Sam could see it too and he understood, he understood now of what his brother was so afraid of. It made him more empathetic of his brother but he was also getting afraid. Cas remained impulsive.

"What I fail to understand is why do this here?" said Cas. "What was their purpose?"

"It was an experiment, a test," answered Dean finally putting away his eyes from the dead girl.

"If it was a test, then they plan to do it on a bigger scale," said Sam using Winchester logic. "The Water Central," he whispered, realization hitting on him.

"We need to go, fast," commented Cas, his eyes widening with the urgency.

"But we can't leave all these croats here," added Dean, "we have to kill them."

"We don't have the time," argued Sam, "we're probably already late as it is."

"We could split," said Cas, but he knew it was not a good idea since before the words left his mouth.

Before anyone else could comment something on Cas' idea, Susan intervened.

"I think I had a solution," she said. "I heard one of the workers saying that he needed to go to a demolition and that he was nervous about all the explosives in his car. We could make this hotel explode with all the 'croaches' inside," the maid said.

"How do we know that he didn't leave with the car?" asked Sam.

"I killed him when he attacked us," explained Susan.

Sam muttered a faint "Oh."

"Then we need to get to the car and split to put the explosives," ordered Dean.

They all looked at each other. They were three hunters and three civilians, two of whom were apt to do what it takes, but one...

"You go, darlings," said Mrs. Norrington taking by herself the elephant in the room, "I'll just take a long nap," she elaborated grabbing from her nightstand a flask of sleeping pills.

"But..." said Susan.

"I would only hold you back," said the old woman. "Besides I already had a long life," and she poured five pills in her hand. "Go," she rushed them, "you're wasting time," and she swallowed down the pills.

Nobody liked leaving Mrs. Norrington behind, but they had to hurry. Arriving at the car that was in the parking lot had been easy. They had found some croats along the way but they were nothing that a couple of bullets couldn't stop them. In spite off how angry Dean was at Cas, the image of the fallen angel shooting a gun left him with a bad feeling that he just couldn't shake off. It felt so... _wrong_.

When they had taken all the explosives out of the car, and after dealing with their distribution, they faced a problem.

"Somebody's going to have to stay behind," said Dean.

"That's no problem," exclaimed Susan, and when she felt all the looks upon her, she added, "I washed my hands."

"But that's not-" enough would have finished Sam, but Susan showed him a tiny cut she had in one of her hands.

"For what I understand, I still have like an hour," sighed the woman.

"It depends..." commented Dean, "but yes..."

The woman could feel all the pity looks on her, but she ignored them as she ignored the thirst she already felt.

They split in three teams to put the explosives around the hotel. Susan and Pete went with Cas and Sam respectively, while Dean went on his own. Setting the explosives wasn't complicated, but getting to the key points without getting stopped by croats hadn't been easy. They all met back in the lobby.

"Are you sure about this?" asked Sam, still uncomfortable with sacrificing people, even if it was for the greater good -and even if they were almost dead people anyway.

"I am," replied Susan, "and even if I wasn't we don't have that luxury."

Dean was motioning for the rest of them to leave, but Pete shook his head and spoke, "I ain't going anywhere."

"What do you mean?" Dean questioned him with little patience.

"'Am staying," he said, and before anyone could question his decision, he continued, "My son was the dishwasher. He was the first I killed," he said, his eyes, shinning with tears, rested on his knife, "He was all I had."

Each one of the three hunters nodded accepting the man's decision. But Susan wouldn't.

"No," she said firmly, "That's stupid and coward and selfish. No. You think you are the only one who ever lost people? Well, news to you mister, you aren't. Want to die? Okay, no problem, but at least do something useful," the woman confronted him, "There's people's lives at stake here. They need help to stop this damn virus thing. If you want to die, die with a fight," she finished, her steeled look left no room for discussion.

"Okay," agreed Pete silently.

After a brief but awkward silence, Dean spoke. "Alright, let's go," his voice charged with a commanding tone.

He said nothing, but he shared one look with Susan acknowledging her sacrifice and thanking her or it. With no words being exchanged between any of them, they all left the building.

They were close to the Impala when Susan pressed the button. First there was fire, a second of silence and then the building started collapsing in itself. Neither of the three hunters looked back. Because cool men don't look at explosions, and even less do men with guilt in their hearts. The memory of what had happened to Ellen and Jo weighted on them.

.

Dean broke several speed limits on the way to the water plant. Not like he cared when the fate of the world was on stake. When they climbed down of the car they saw that a group of more than twenty demons and angels were waiting for them.

Sam had Ruby's knife and both Dean and Cas had their angel blades on hand, Pete was armed only with his kitchen knife.

"As soon as you kill one of then, grab one of those silver blades," Dean instructed to the chef, "Those will work to kill the demons."

"Hello, guys," a red haired woman greeted them, her eyes were black for a few seconds, "We were expecting you."

"Yeah, yeah," said Dean impatient, "Can be cut the whole evil speech and get directly to the fighting?"

"I don't think so darling," said the demon, "Let's speak for a moment, first."

"No, thank you," answered the hunter and charged against her.

The demon raised her hand and sent Dean flying away. Sam, Cas and Pete ran towards the party. Sam got thrown away by the red haired woman but Cas and Pete managed to get through. Pete engaged in fight with a fallen angel while Cas fought against a demon and succeeded in killing it. The chef had managed to kill the angel and obtain his blade. Dean had finally got up again but he was thrown again by the demon until Cas slashed her back.

Several angels and demons were know laying dead on the ground. Cas had managed to get close to the door of the water plan facility, after a silent exchange with Dean in which the hunter barely had to nod, they agreed on Cas entering the facility and stopping whoever was inside about to infect the water -if they hadn't done it already. The former angel had managed to sneak out and not be seen, or so he thought.

"Watch out!" shouted Pete.

Cas turned and saw a demon that was ready to stab him, thanks to Pete's warning he managed to kill her. Pete wasn't so lucky. Shouting to Cas had distracted him and allowed a fallen angel to stab him in the stomach. Pete fell dead to the floor but there was no time to shed tears for him.

The angel gone hunter opened the door and entered the facility. There was a big room with several doors that seemed to lead to offices, that at the moment, didn't matter to Cas. In the middle, there was big doors and a hallway. Castiel ran through it. He followed the signs and arrived to a little room . The room was almost empty, all it had was a manhole cover that Jehoel was having trouble removing.

"Stop!" shouted Cas drawing his blade firmly.

"Oh, you made it here," said Jehoel raising his head, "Right on time to save the day, aren't you, Castiel?" he said dropping the iron lid and taking out his angel blade.

"So this is what you have become?" asked Cas ignoring the other's comment, "Working with demons?"

"I don't think you are the right person to judge, brother," said Jehoel, they had started to walk in circles, glancing once in a while the body of the dead croat, "After all is nothing you hadn't done before. First, the whole free will, than the deal with Crowley. We're just following your footsteps."

"I never worked against humanity," argued Cas, his voice deep and serious.

"You didn't, did you? Forgive me if I remember wrong, brother, but weren't you the one who killed all those who thought differently than you, like those politicians?" when Cas remained in silence, Jehoel smiled and continued, "See, we're not doing anything that you hadn't done before."

"That's different. My judgment was... clouded," claimed Cas.

"Oh, but it is not so different. But then, maybe it is," agreed Jehoel, "after all I'm not a traitor to my own."

"And that involves working with demons?" asked Cas.

"It involves working with Lucifer," replied Jehoel.

Cas' eyes widened.

"He can help us, all he needs is a little help first," explained the fallen angel, "We help him getting rid of the humans, he helps us with restoring our Graces."

"You truly believe that Lucifer is going to help you? That he is so altruist?" Cas questioned him, "That he's going to pay attention to you now?"

"He. Will," Jehoel answered harshly.

"And how do you believe he's going to distinguish you from all the humans?"

"Because of this," said the fallen angel pushing up his shirt and reveling three number six in a circle joined together by the upper extreme.

"The Mark of the Devil," whispered Cas.

"That's right," smirked Jehoel, "and speaking of humans. How is your lover doing? I heard he's fine now. So what do you say if after I'm finished here, I pay him a little visit and I finish what I had started. If you are lucky you will able to watch again, Castiel."

Jehoel's goal was to disturb and unsettle Cas, to diminish his focus. What he was underestimating is that if you want to live you should never threaten the Winchesters in front of Castiel. The wayward angel jumped over him with precise movements. Jehoel didn't stand a chance.

With the fresh memories of the gunshot hitting Dean's face over and over, with the still recent feeling of Dean's bloody body on his lap, Cas pierced Jehoel's stomach. He made a straight slash up to the man's chest.

"You don't go near Dean Winchester," said Cas in a dangerous low tone.

When Cas got out of the facility he found out that Sam and Dean were barely holding it. The number of dead angels and demons on the floor was big. But they were five against two very tired hunters. Holding Jehoel's body by the hair, he shouted.

"Stop!" and the four still alive angels turned around, their eyes widened when they saw their dead leader, "This is what you're doing now? Working with demons, with Lucifer? Know now that you can't win. Continue this path and we will find you and kill you," to prove his point he let of Jehoel's body that fell heavily onto the ground.

The angels' fear was clear in their faces. Cas' tone remained them of when he had claimed himself to be God and killed a big fraction of the angels.

"If you wish to live, then leave now," commanded Castiel.

The four fallen angels started walking away slowly and ended up running. The demon, who found himself alone with the Winchester, left his meat suit.

"What was that?" asked Dean with apprehension, he remembered that Cas was Castiel, Angel of the Lord, he had seen Leviathan Cas, God Cas, but this... This version was new and he didn't like it.

"I stopped Jehoel from dropping a dead croatoan in the water flow," he explained, "We need to burn the body to impede the spread of the virus."

"Yeah..." agreed Sam, even if just to break the silence.

They burnt the croat 's body and all the others in silence.

When they were done, Cas headed to the backseat, but Sam stopped him.

"No, you go in front," said the tallest hunter, and before Dean could say something -as he definitely was going to-, he continued, "You know, there's something broken between you two, and that part I can get it. I'm complete tired of it, but I can get it. But, there's something broken _inside_ both of you and right now," he paused, "I'm too tired to deal with you crap," he finished throwing his hands in the air.

He entered the vehicle and closed the door with a loud bang.

Dean and Cas said nothing.

.

They hadn't noticed it, but the croat's body had formed a puddle of blood on the floor, and that puddle had found a path towards the manhole. A single drop fell down the wall of the hole, it went down slowly, the blood was getting dry and the fire on the surface didn't help. But it went down nevertheless.

When the drop of blood touched the water it disappeared, spreading invisible in the current.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...  
> So... Endverse!!!!  
> Okay, we're not exactly there. But we're close. For once croatoans, demons...  
> But most important. Our Team Free Will is broken. Dean and Cas' relationship is broken since last chapter. But like Sam said, _they_ are broken. Dean feels hopeless and he's scared, one of his deepest fears is becoming true, and he notices how he's slowly becoming 2014!Dean specially with his decisions regarding Daphne and Fred, and he hates and fears that. Then there's Cas, he's been broken since chapter who is broken since chapter 5, but he just continues cracking. This dangerous side, the one who will support Dean's decision to kill a little girl (he may have done it other times, he may have supported Dean anyway, but it has more of a cold blood thing to it), how he kills Jehoel and then uses his body. It's too cold blooded for our dear Cas, is like inside him he's so broken that he has stopped caring... Almost... If he continues this way he may try to find easiness into consuming certain things. Just saying...  
>  And Sam... in many ways he's the least broken, but he's starting to feel alienated... and that's dangerous for him.  
> I had fun writing this chapter and creating so many OC, and killing them all... I wish I could have the time and ability to have explored them all. Pete was originally going to die in the explosion with Susan, but then, I thought that would disminish Susan's death and I didn't want that.  
> Anyway, I hope you liked it, and if you do, please comment. :)


	8. Sparks of the Tempest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of past rape (Dean in Hell), my usual amount of violence.  
> Let's welcome the year of the Endverse with a new chapter.  
> Sorry for the time it took me to upload, but it's hard to write when you have the complete collection of the DVDs of LOTR Extended Edition as Christmas' gift. Anyway, here it is.  
> By the way, this episode was inspired by [this post](http://castielpoops.tumblr.com/post/55951036098). And the meaning behind the title is here.

It was raining. The sound of the water pouring down hid the sound of her steps. She had gotten good at walking in silence. When she stepped inside the house, she left the rain behind. Her blonde hair was wet, the rainwater dripping from it falling onto her shoulders and her already wet clothes. A loud thunder outside shook the windows. Claire remained impassive.

Ishmael was taking a shower. Unlike his brothers and sisters he wasn't interested in vengeance. All he did was carrying on with the life his vessel had had. He had even felt sorry when he fell and felt his vessel's soul pass away. The life he was leading had made him lower his guard, so he didn't notice the wet patches next to the window of his bedroom.

He did notice though, when a knife was pressed to his neck.

Part of him, that part more close to his vessel, wanted to give in into panic, but a millenia of being a soldier of the Lord made him remain in calm.

"Who are you?" he asked, wanting to know who of his brothers or sisters was.

"I don't think you are in any position to ask questions," said a woman's voice.

"What do you want of me?" asked Ishmael.

"I thought I said you were not to ask questions?" said Claire pressing the knife harder against the fallen angel's neck. "Now, tell me your name," she demanded.

"Richard Brook," he answered.

"Your real name," Claire pressed the blade harder drawing out some drops of blood.

"Ismael," he whispered.

"Good," the girl said and slashed the man's neck.

She then carved a seven letters word in Ishmael's chest. When she was done, she took a wrinkled paper from her jacket. She grabbed a pen and searched on the written list the angel's name, and she crossed it. Several names were already crossed out but her eyes locked solely on the first name of the list.

" _Castiel (The Winchesters)"_

"Soon," declared Claire Novak in a whisper.

.

"Oh, no," whispered Sam looking at his computer screen. "Crap!"

Dean looked curiously at his brother.

"What's the problem, Wade?" he asked.

"You're not going to like this," said Sam looking both at Dean and Cas. "There's been a murder in Pontiac, Illinois. Thirty year old caucasian single guy. He had one word written in his chest."

"What's weird with that?" Dean asked him.

"This," said the youngest hunter turning his laptop so both men could look at the newspaper image.

"Fuck," cursed Dean when he read the bloody "CASTIEL" written in the dead man's chest.

"Somebody wants to draw my attention," observed the fallen angel.

"No shit, Sherlock," retorted Dean.

"Well, they've got it," said Cas.

"Wait, you're not saying that we actually go there," said Sam perplexed.

"I'm not saying that," Cas corrected him. "What I'm implying is that _I'll_ go."

"But- But it is obviously a trap!" complained Sam.

"Precisely," said Cas, "that's why I need to go on my own."

There was a moment of silence, until Dean couldn't hold it back anymore. He jerked forward the chair in front of him with a hard push.

"For God's sake, Cas," he shouted. "How many times do I have to say it? We're in this together or not at all."

"Dean..." started Cas.

"Don't Dean me," said the hunter angrily.

" _Dean_ ," Cas warned him, his voice getting dangerously low. "They, whoever they are, want me. I won't expose you again to something that's meant for _me_. Not again..." and the reasoning behind Cas' decision was crystal clear. It was why Cas was so broken. He wouldn't be able to go through it one more time, to see Dean hurt because of him. Not again, he wouldn't endure it.

"Cas..." whispered Dean. He stared at those blue eyes, and in them he found some of the answers he had been seeking before.

Sam coughed.

"Cas, I thought we had made it clearly before. You're family. So for better or for worse, you're stuck with us."

Cas stared at Sam, then back at Dean. He nodded.

.

They had arrived at Pontiac in the morning. After having some breakfast, they had checked at a motel, room with three single beds, and they were getting dressed in their FBI suits.

Dean was already dressed and he was sitting by the table, reading different newspapers.

"So I thing I may have an idea of who is after you Cas," he said checking for a last time something on one of the newspapers.

"Who?" asked Sam coming out of the bathroom, holding his tie on one hand.

"Well, apart from the fact that there are several demonic omens, check this," Dean took one of the newspapers and started reading, " _Mr. Jonathan Benetton has sadly passed away on the night of this past Thursday. The grieving event took place on a day of celebration for the Benetton family, being the tenth anniversary of the day that Mr. Benetton found petroleum in one of his farms_ ," he read.

"Sounds like someone made a deal," said Sam.

"Exactly," said Dean, "and check the mourning daughter," Dean extended one of the newspapers towards Sam and Cas.

"She's possessed," commented Cas upon noticing the black eyes on the brunette girl's glare,

Dean smirked. "And I bet you fifty bucks that they're using Benetton's place as the demonic Avengers mansion."

"That was clever," said Sam with a mildly-surprised and pleased pride at how his brother had figured out everything.

"What can I say, I'm more than just a pretty face," beamed Dean, but he froze under Cas stare.

Sam did his best to ignore them both.

.

They had showed the FBI badges to the police officer and it had been enough to convince him, and then they were looking at the dead guy's body that had carved Cas' name on his chest.

"That's how we found him," said the forensic doctor.

"Did you found anything unusual at the crime scene?" Dean asked her.

"Hadn't you guys read my report?" the woman asked back surprised.

"We had and it has been a very interesting lecture, yet we still prefer to hear it from your own mouth," answered Cas before Dean could say something.

Damn, Cas had gotten good at lying. Dean didn't know if it make him proud, sad or afraid.

"Well, he died chocking on his own blood when his neck was slashed," the forensics explained pointing at the guy's body. "The cuts on the subject's chest were made post-mortem."

"Any evidence as to who may have done this?" asked Dean.

"None," said the women, "we did found a couple of long blonde hairs, though. We ran the DNA tests but we found no matches. All we know is that it was a female. According to the neighbors the vic had no partner."

"Was there anything unusual about the body?" asked Sam.

The doctor shook her head. After she left, they searched on the corpse for those clues that only them knew how to find. But besides the big "CASTIEL" in the man's chest, there was nothing.

So an hour later they were in Robert Brook's house, the vic's place.

"Police report said that they found him here," pointed Sam at the bedroom's floor.

"There are not traces of sulfur," said Cas confused.

"So it was not demons or they finally learned how to be careful," contributed Dean.

Cas still looked confused, like there was something that he couldn't grasp.

"What is it?" asked Dean. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," answered Cas a bit too quickly. "It just..." and staring at Dean right in the eyes, he whispered faintly, barely moving his lips, "I think we are being watched."

Dean went closer to Cas, more close than two normal friends would, and started fixing the man's tie.

"So what do you say, stay and fight?" said Dean, his lips unmoving.

"No, they'll be expecting it," answered Cas, "We should be using the element of surprise as much as we can."

"You mean going to their place and attacking them there?" Dean questioned him, Cas barely nodded. "They'll be expecting it too."

"Most probably," agreed Cas. "But at least we'll be better armed."

The hunter and the fallen angel exchanged one last look confirming their thoughts. Dean then looked at his brother to transmit him their plans. Sam understood.

If Dean's hand on Cas' collar stayed more than strictly necessary the ex-angel said nothing. And if Dean's thumb brushed Cas' neck more than once, well, no once could really blame him, could they?

.

Because they were the Winchesters, they were set on a very-likely-suicide mission. Even when you're armed up to your teeth with holy water, salt and recorded exorcisms in your phone besides Ruby's knife and two angel blades, going into a house full with demons that most-likely-than-not are already expecting you, is pretty much a suicide mission. But then again, they were the Winchester and they had faced worse odds and come out of it alive. Well, not always alive, they had died several times, but, one way or the other, they had also been resurrected, so it still counts.

Something to say about this group of demons, at least they weren't in some abandoned factory. They were in a big mansion, the roofs and walls formed dozens of weird angles that talked about how much money to waste Benetton had had when he built it.

"It reminds me of Crowley," commented Sam.

"Yeah, well, good thing that's a finished chapter on our story," said Dean. "It's over."

Dean had been alone and scared when he killed Crowley. Alone because Cas was gone, dead for all he had known at the moment. Scared because the angels were falling and Sam was dying in his arms. He couldn't afford loose ends. When he had entered the church and faced Crowley with Ruby's knife in his hands, he had had a moment of doubt. The demon had looked at him with all too human eyes, and for a moment he had pitied him. But then he had remembered all he had done to them. He remembered what he had done to Bobby's soul, how he had killed Tommy, Jenny and Sarah, how he had poisoned Cas' ears, and he no longer had felt pity for him. He had killed Crowley by stabbing him in the neck.

"Yeah, it is," agreed Cas.

They had no troubles entering the grounds of the mansion. Which was bad news, because not guards on the outside meant that they were waiting for them on the inside. "There goes the element of surprise," thought Dean.

Just because things couldn't get any better for them, the giant double doors made a rusty sound when they opened them. The big hall had a dozen demons, the one in the middle, a big tall black guy, greeted them.

"Well, well, look who do we have here," he said coming some steps closer to them. "Since that body appeared with your little angel's name we'd been expecting you."

"I'm here then, so what do you want?" Cas confronted him.

"Oh, no, sweetie, we weren't the ones to call you here," explained the demon, "I must admit that when we heard about it, many wanted to flee, scared of what the Winchester could do to them. But you know what?" he asked, casting a seductive smile, "Claiming the lives and souls of the three man that stopped the Apocalypse? Dad is going to be happy."

"So that's it then," exclaimed Dean taking out his angel blade.

"On, no so fast, honey," said the demon, "we can have some fun first. Rumor says that you like it that way. I think you've been having to much angel meat," he cast a glance at Cas, "that you've forgotten what is like to have a demon lover. You need to remember," and coming way to close to Dean, he finished. "They said that you were one submissive little bitch."

And that was it. Dean drew out his blade, but before he could stab him, the demon raised his hand and sent the three hunters flying backwards. Their weapons flying out of their hands. Lying on the floor, Cas hid his right hand in the pocket of his loose pants and took out his cell phone.

He pressed play.

Cas' voice chanting an exorcism came out from the phone. The weakest demons started to scream, others started to attack Cas, but Sam and Dean who had been able to get back their weapons were fast in defending him. Among the confusion, the demon that had threatened to rape Dean escaped.

Taking out the salt from their bags, they covered all the doors and the windows, trapping inside the majority of the demons. They had to fight them off for a while until the exorcism ended playing. Black smoke filled the room and then all the meat suits fell to the floor. Save for a few that woke up and ran away, the majority of them were already dead.

"Here, Cas, take your blade," said Dean handing him the weapon.

The fallen angel had just grabbed his blade when a blonde girl came through the front door.

"You are here," she said.

"Great, another demon," said Dean getting ready with his blade.

"No, you idiot, she passed over the salt," Sam scolded him.

"Human?" Dean asked then confused.

"You don't recognize me?" the girl asked them, but she only looked at Cas. "Let me remind you, you were inside me once."

Cas searched inside his memories, and when realization hit him, something akin to fear and sadness crossed his features.

"Claire..." he whispered.

The girl smirked. Her smile was angry, was sad... was mad.

"Yes. You used my dad," she accused him," and when you were done with him, you used me. But you hadn't had enough! And then you took him back," her voice wavered between shouting angrily and being on the edge of breaking into a sob, "and you got him killed."

"I- I'm-" Cas begun to stutter, but he suddenly stopped himself midway. "How did you know that?"

"How did I-" Claire laughed. "Did you think when you left me that was it? I was hearing voices, I thought I was going insane," she laughed once more. Maybe I went insane. But I could hear them. Angels, talking inside my head. I heard about dad when they talked about how they killed you! I heard them talking about how you returned!" her voice had been getting higher and higher. She emitted a sob that she cut halfway when she begun screaming at the top of her lungs, "AND I HEARD THEM WHEN THEY KILLED MY MUM! WHEN THEY TORTURED ME AND LEFT ME FOR DEAD TRYING TO KNOW WHERE YOU WERE!"

"Claire, I'm-"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TO SAY THAT YOU'RE SORRY BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T BEGUN TO BE!" she interrupted him, taking out a gun from between her clothes and aiming it at Cas.

"Hey, hey, slow down!" Dean placated her taking a step forward, trying to cover the fallen angel.

"Don't you worry Winchester, you're in for this too," Claire threatened him, "Oh, if I heard them talk," Claire aimed her gun at Sam when he attempted to move. "This is why you wanted my dad's body, Castiel? To do gross gay things with the Winchester?"

"Claire, I-" begun the fallen angel, but he was promptly interrupted by the girl.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! All you ever say are lies! You promised me that you were going to save mum! That everything was going to be fine! You promised me!"

Silence reigned the place, until Cas spoke faintly.

"You were the one to call me here. You killed-"

"Yes," Claire confirmed to him, "I was who killed Ishmael, and very other angel that I had the pleasure of finding," she paused. "And I am who kills you."

Her finger closed over the trigger of her gun. One of the doors suddenly busted open, making a loud thud, and a demon wearing gardener clothes appeared with a leaf blower disintegrating away the line of salt blocking his way. The sudden intrusion had startled Claire, making her give a little jump, enough to send the bulled intended for Cas into the wall behind.

"See, this is why it is so important to have the right personal," said the demon wearing the big black guy, appearing from behind the gardener demon. His eyes flickered black with pleasure before he uttered the order. "Onto them."

An army of fifteen demons entered the hall. Some were armed with knifes, others were bare handed -but still with superhuman strength.

Claire turned around and shot the closest demon.

"You can't kill demons with a gun," bawled out Dean.

"No," agreed the girl. "But you can buy time," she said while she holstered her gun and took out an angel blade that she had grabbed from one of the first angels that she had killed.

One demon got close to the girl and she was fast to stab him. Soon the demons were surrounding them all, and the three hunters were immersed into the fight. Dean avoided a demon and moved to cut through another's throat getting shoulder to shoulder with his brother.

"How many more demons do you think there are?" asked Sam.

"I don't know," answered Dean while he hold off a demon that was being very insisting on trying to choke him, "but Sargent Doakes went missing again," he said referring to what appeared to be the leader of the demons.

"What about Claire?" Sam asked while he stabbed the demon that was attacking Dean.

"One problem at the time, man," said Dean deflecting a blow to his head. The hunter looked at the girl who was fighting with great skill. "She seems to be doing well for now."

"That's what I'm worrying about," replied Sam taking advantage of his height and stabbing another demon. Both brothers exchanged a similar look.

Cas was holding off fine. He missed the days when he could just smite a demon but his skill with an angel blade had not been really affected by his Fall. So far he had done good, not a single scratch, so when he turned around, he was surprised to see a demon frozen midway into trying to stab him. More surprised he was when the demon fell dead to the floor, and he saw that it had been Claire who had saved him.

"Don't you dare," Claire warned him as soon as she detected the first traces of gratitude in Cas' eyes, "I'm doing this just so I can be the one to kill you."

And the venom in her words melted away the gratitude from Cas' eyes to replace it with pain and to add more weight into the forever growing stone of guilt in Cas' heart.

When the last demon standing fled the room in a column of black smoke, 'Sargent Doakes' came back in and stood in the middle of the room.

"Seems like when you want something done you have to do it yourself," he said and took out a gun. "Goodbye, sweetie."

Aiming at Claire, he shot. Cas whispered a faint "No," before stepping in, the bullet hitting him in the lower right, where his liver was. The impact should have sent him to the floor, but with his strength of will he managed to stay up. Dean's screams rang in his ears while he took several steps forward towards the demon.

The second shot hit him in his left lung, his heart luckily had been spared what bought him a few more minutes of life.

The third shot never came.

He had managed to take out the gun from the demon's hand and throw it away. His strength left him then and he fell.

With what resembled war cries, Sam and Dean charged forward. Sam took hold of the demon's arms while Dean stabbed him in the stomach. When he turned around, he found Claire crying kneeled next to Cas' figure.

She was not anymore Claire, the serial angel killer. She was Claire Novak, the seventeen year old girl who missed her dad. Seeing her father's body bleeding out in the floor had brought her back.

"Dad- I-"

"I- I made your father a promise," said Cas with whatever strength he had left, "I- I'm sorry I- failed you."

"No," cried Claire, "It's-" but what she was going to say was lost when Dean suddenly grabbed her by the front of her clothes.

"I hope you're happy now," growled Dean. "Now get the hell out of here," the hunter pushed her away and took her place next to Cas. He took him in his arms and stroked his cheek.

Claire looked at the love in Dean's eyes and she felt remorse. She then saw the different kind of love that Sam held in his eyes for Cas, and she understood.

All this time, she had been the monster.

She ran away with tears still coming down her face. She thought of Ishmael and all the other angels that had been doing nothing wrong when she killed them. They had been innocent but she hadn't cared. For years she had thought of Castiel as some kind of monster, fed by her hurt and her imagination. She had forgotten how when he had been inside her he hadn't felt evil.

She swore that from now on, she would only kill monsters. Monster like her.

Although she knew that no one was listening, she prayed for forgiveness.

.

"Cas," whispered Dean, "Cas..."

"Dean, I-"

"Shh... Just stay with me, okay? Just stay with me," said Dean trying to control the shaking of his voice. He didn't even noticed the tears coming down his face.

"I- I'm s- sorry," said Cas. There was so many more things that he wanted to say, but words were taking too much effort. Yet, Dean understood the meaning of the silenced words. _"I'm sorry for leaving you."_

"Don't say that!" shouted the hunter. "You're going to be fine. You'll see," Dean hold him harder.

"Dean..." complained Cas, he was going to die and they both knew it.

Desperate for a solution, Dean raised his eyes to the ceiling and shouted.

"Eugenia! Eugenia, come here and save Cas! Come here at the Benetton mansion and heal him!" when silence met his words, he cursed, "Dammit, woman, this has to count as prayer! Come here and heal him or I swear I'll gank your sorry ass the next time I see you!"

But nothing happened.

Dean looked down at Cas and saw him half-gone. His faces was white, almost dead.

"Cas, no! Cas, come to me! Come to me, please! Cas!" he had taken his face in his hands but that had been a mistake because now the blood from Castiel's wound was now in the fallen angel's face, and that blood in his face was just _wrong_.

Cas blinked slowly.

"Dean..." he said and he meant goodbye. He tried to grab Dean's hand but he was too weak.

The hunter took notice of it and held his hand.

"Cas, stay with me!" he begged.

Cas exhaled one last time and whit his eyes fixed on Dean, he was gone.

"Cas, no! No, no, no, NO!" he cried and begged and clung hard to Cas body.

He looked at the ceiling once more, ignoring his brother's quiet sobs, and shouted once more. "Gabriel! I'm praying to you now! I'm at the Benetton mansion and you need to come and heal Cas! You need to bring him back!"

He had just finished shouting the last word, when he heard a flutter of wings behind his back.

"I'm here," announced Gabriel.

"Heal him," ordered Dean.

And if Gabriel said nothing was because he could see the trail of tears on the hunter's face. The archangel came next to Cas, he kneeled opposite to Dean, and put his whole hand on Cas' forehead. The blood disappeared and Cas gasped back to life.

"Dean, Dean..." he said faintly, "Gabriel?" he asked when his noticed his brother.

"Yes, and don't get used to me bringing you back from the dead, I have better things to do, you know?" joked Gabriel.

"Dean?" asked Cas still confused turning to the hunter.

The man touched the fallen angel's face all over, like making sure that he was really there with him, that he was really alive.

"Stupid son of a bitch!" he exclaimed when he was done checking him, and then, he enveloped him in his arms with a strong hug, "Don't you ever die again, you hear me?"

"I doubt that he can promise that now that he's busy being a Winchester," commented Gabriel, "So if you don't need me anymore I'll be going," he said getting up, "Dean-o, next time you give me an order to me like that, I'll kill you," he warned him with a dangerous smile. "Take care, bro!" the archangel did a small salute with two fingers to Cas. He took a few steps and stopped to look at Sam, "Smile, Sasquatch!"

A sound of wings, and he was gone.

"Don't you ever do that to me again!" said Dean one last time refocusing his attention on Cas while he helped the former angel to get up.

"Okay..." said faintly Cas. He noticed the track of tears in the hunter's face and he wanted to clean them. But then, he thought better of it, and dropped his hand.

"I'm glad that you're fine, Cas," said Sam hugging him.

"Thank you, Sam," Cas smiled weakly.

"Now let's get out of here," said Dean, pushing Cas to get him walking.

Sam observed how Dean didn't want to let go of Cas. How he found whatever excuse to touch him even if just a bit. He also noticed how Cas first words after returning to life had been Dean's name. He knew that meant that his brother was Cas' Heaven.

Sam asked for a God that didn't care for them that Dean and Cas could put their crap together so they could realize what they had before they ended up losing each other. But he knew for a fact that God was absent, so he would see it done himself. Maybe, if he did, he could fix what was broken inside his brother and his angel, even if just a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> First, I must admit that at the beginning our Team Free Will is too happy. Considering how broken they were at the end of last chapter, but I couldn't write them better. I don't know why, maybe because I also had in mind next chapter, that is when things get better for a while. There's a reason why the tags are similar to Endverse and no Endverse. I mean, I guess my fanfic is 75%/80% Endverse, and this is because Dean mainly has had a lot of character development specially in season 8, and I can't just ignore that. Mainly, that's the reason why next chapter has _the consumation_. Anyway, in the first Team Free Will scene, Dean kind of understands a bit what happens to Cas. It does not magically fix their relationship but well.  
>  So I deviated a bit from the original post. I needed Claire's story to fit my plot and there are so many characters I can manage. I tried to give her this can of driven insane personality, but that at the end it was just this scared and scarred child. Honestly, I can't believe I ended up transforming Claire into the new Dexter.  
> Gabriel appearence was short. Maybe he would lingered longer if I hadn't been in such a rush to end the chapter. Anyway, I'm clinging to the fact that Gabriel cares about family.  
> When I was first making the character of 'Sargent Doakes', it was going to be a female villain with typical female villain personality. But then I had to many leader evil female characters, and then I thought, why female villains are always this one with this kind of seductive personality to the male hero, why not a male villain with the same personality. Then I realized I hadn't had any black characters. And this is set in USA not in Argentina were the population of black people is relatively very small. So for the sake of demographics, black characters. (I must admit that it is not that all my not-ethnic specified characters were necessary all white. My default pallete goes from white to several different tones of brown-ish, but I must admit that due to some inner still-there racism and because black people aren't that usual on Argentina. But I do have a lack of by default black characters in my stories, so I need to continue working on that.) So I made him big and all 'macho', but with the flirty personality of an stereotypical female villain, altough he ended up being more perverted than flirty but hey, not everyone is perfect. Then I had the Sargent Doakes reference. Finally a good popular reference. That of course, I almost end up with no way of including. (By the way, when Dean calls Sam as Wade is a Kim Possible reference).  
> Of course, the point of it was to lead up to the Cas gravelly injured and dying in Dean's arms. I wasn't planning for him actually dying but hey! this is Supernatural.  
> So no, this is not why the major character death tags are for. Also the non-con tags weren't for this chapter.  
> Anyway, hope you liked it, and that you stay because next chapter, it has *puts Sam's voice* _the sex_


	9. My Lonely Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all. Sorry, sorry. I'd never thought that it would take me two months to finish this chapter and then univeristy came in and goodbye life and sorry. At least I'm posting before I'm going into a four day field trip that would have you waiting a whole week.  
> But to reward you for your patience, instead of my average 4.3k word long chapter I bring you a 7.5k word long chapter full of SMUT!!  
> Warnings: Mild inner-homophibia, mentions of past-rape in Hell, and THE SEX.  
> The meaning behind the title will be posted when I get back from my field trip.

As soon as they had gotten back into the Impala an awkward silence had settled down above them. Sam couldn't ignore the glances that his brother cast at Cas through the rear-view mirror even if he tried. At this point, Sam was starting to believe that there was some supernatural reason to why they hadn't crashed yet. At their first stop to fill the tank, Dean got off the car to buy some snacks. Sam followed him.

"Hey, Dean," he called while the other was picking some chips.

Knowing that Sam wanted to talk about feelings, he grunted, "If you are going to talk about what I think you're going to talk about then drop it."

"No, but-"

"I said drop it," he growled and went away to grab some cookies.

Sam went after him and got at his par when Dean was with the cashier.

"Dean, you can't go on this way, you need to get it out of you," insisted Sam.

"I need to what? What do you want me to do, huh?" Dean confronted him. "You want me to go there and what? Talk about my feelings? To who? To you, to Cas? For what? Because in case you haven't noticed it, the world is ending. Fucking Lucifer is free, the angels are gone, Bobby is gone and this is the fucking end of the world!" he paused to catch his breath and his raising thoughts. "I can't do this, Sam. I can't," he sighed.

"I know," acknowledged Sam.

"I won't," sentenced Dean and left the store.

He got into his car and turned the ignition on. Through his mirror, he held Cas' stare. His mouth and mind were saying something but his heart insisted on something different. He tore his eyes away when Sam came in.

None of them said anything for a long time.

A reporter on the TV of the store was speaking.

"So, Dr. Schwartz, there's been reports of a new epidemic affecting random people along Colorado and some adjacent states."

"Yes, the symptoms seem to be the same," answered the doctor. "Paranoia, extreme violence and a certain obsession with blood."

"What do you have to say about the rumors about the zombie apocalypse?" asked the woman.

"They're false, of course," denied the man, "this is purely a psychiatric condition. So we advise that if you someone you know has this to lock them down in a safe room, call 911 and wait for professionals to take care of them."

"Do you have a name for this new mental illness?"

"Yes," informed the psychiatric, "those patients that we managed to get a hold of tended to write down the same word after a while," the doctor paused to arrange his glasses. "We call it, the Croatoan Syndrome."

.

It was afternoon when they arrived at the Bunker.

"Go and unpack," said Dean, "I'll make dinner."

Cas grabbed his bag while Sam grabbed both his and Dean's , and both hunters went to their respective rooms -Sam making a stop to drop Dean's bag on his brother's bed-. The eldest of the two brothers walked to the kitchen in silence, a pensive look in his features. He was facing a problem that he couldn't ignore anymore, a problem with blue eyes and a deep voice.

It had been a long time ago when he could still deny what he felt, what he wanted. He missed those days, denial was easier. But knowing what he felt and trying to ignore it, that was hard.

Three months ago, he would had sworn that Cas returned his feelings. He remembered the spark of certainty he had felt lying on the hospital bed with Cas on his side. He also remembered the rejection at the vampire's house. It didn't surprised him though, Cas may have some feelings for him and it was to expect that he hated him for it. Who would want to have any kind of romantic crap towards him? No one.

His self-hatred was such that he ignored the fact that just the day before he had learned the reasons for Cas' behavior. When he felt the tears that had started to gather in his eyes, he blamed them on the onions he was cutting.

"Dean," Sam called him while entering the kitchen. When his brother turned to look at him, and he noticed the red eyes, worried he asked. "Dean, have you been crying?" a hint of disbelief in his voice, because his older brother didn't cry, at least not that much, not enough for his eyes to be swollen red.

"It's the onions, you dumbass," Dean patronized him.

Sam sighed. He kind of wished that his brother had actually told him he'd been crying, just so it meant that he had stopped running away from his feelings.

"Stop avoiding it," commanded Sam with little patience.

"What do you want me to stop avoiding? The Apocalypse?" asked Dean, his voice rising. "Because that's pretty hard to ignore even if I tried."

"Stop avoiding your feelings for Cas!" shouted Sam exasperated.

Whatever possible comeback that Dean had thought was lost, he hadn't expected such a frontal approach from his brother. Dumbstruck, his mouth gaped unable to find words to say.

"For God's sake, Dean! Don't loot at me like that, it's so obvious that it's exasperating. I can't stand it anymore!" said Sam.

"And what would you have me do?" asked Dean. His voice no longer harsh but low and sad. "What do you want me to do? Go on and confess my undying love to him? Just so he can reject me again? No, I don't think so."

Sam was about to answer him when the totality of Dean's words reached his brain. He stared at Dean for a while and then pried into.

"Again?"

Dean cursed himself for his slip, but considering that the cat was already out of the bag, he may as well say it all. "That- that time in the vampire nest," he begun telling. "We- we almost kissed," he said blushing. "And he pushed me away," he finished dryly.

Sam remained in silence for a moment, until his brain did the math.

"Wait, that was the first case since you've got out of the hospital, right? Dean, don't you get it?" he asked holding his hands in the air, "You should have seen Cas when we brought you to the hospital. He was broken, Dean. And- and- he blamed himself and... For God's sake, Dean, he loves you!"

Unshed tears shone on Dean's green eyes. "It doesn't matter," he said with a raspy voice. "He deserves better."

"Dean, don't..." begged Sam faintly shaking his head, not wanting to see his brother sinking further into his self-hatred.

"Call Cas, tell him that dinner will be ready in five," ordered Dean giving his back to his brother while he flipped over the burgers on the frying pan.

.

They ate in silence, save for the usual praise to Dean's cooking. When the hamburgers were done, Dean took the dishes and started washing them. He liked doing it because it always gave him time to think. Sam's words kept resounding in his mind, threatening to tear down the walls he had so carefully built.

He went back into his memory and revised his whole history with Cas. The sacrifices, the looks, the words, everything until it reached a point where it was undeniable. Cas loved him, and that was the truth.

"But he keeps leaving," said a voice in his mind that was remarkably similar to John's.

"But he keeps coming back," thought Dean with his own voice. "And he stayed."

He remembered what it had felt like to have Cas dying in his arms. What had felt like to lose every single possibility for a future with him. Everything gone, nothing left. No more Cas. He thought about the chance of losing him again, how it would be like to be with him and then lose him, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to bear it. But then, he wouldn't be able to bear it if he lose him even without ever getting together. Something cracked then inside Dean. He no longer cared if he was unworthy of Cas. He needed a closure for better or for worse. He wanted for once to be selfish for selfish reasons. He dried his hands with a towel, took a deep breath and he walked towards Cas' room.

"Cas, you awake?" he asked standing at the door, a sudden nervousness taking over him.

"Yes, Dean," answered Cas slightly opening the door of his room.

"Cas I- I need to speak with you," reformulated the hunter.

Cas fully opened his door and stepped aside to let Dean in. "What is it?" he asked.

The impulse that his epiphany-slash-resolution had given him, had wore off quickly, and he begun to stutter. "Look, Cas, I- I- I've noticed some stuff- And I- wanted to ask- no, know if..." Dean sighed and got absorbed once more by those deep blue eyes, and in them, where he could get glimpse of who Cas actually was beyond Jimmy's body, he found his resolution again. "I _need_ to know where are we standing. Because I-" the hunter stared a few seconds at the floor before raising his eyes with all his emotions in the open. "I can't hide it anymore."

"Dean..." said Cas, that single word carrying more meaning than a thousand words could.

"No," Dean warned him, "I know that tone. It's the tone you use before you say some crap to me and then zap away six ways from Sunday. You can't fly anymore, but you still aren't going to hide from me this time, not anymore," he paused and softened his tone, though it was still demanding. "Where are we?"

"In the Bunker," was Cas first answer, but Dean's stare told him that he couldn't play clueless. "Dean, I-" pain leaked trough Cas' voice.

"Talk to me, Cas."

"I can't do this," said the ex-angel retreating.

"Why?" implored Dean, taking a step closer towards the fallen angel.

"I don't-" stuttered Cas stepping back until his back hit with a thump the wall, his eyes were wide and scared, as if Dean was taking him once more to lose his virginity with a whore.

"Did I imagined this?" cried Dean mere inches apart from the other's man face. He took Cas by the shirt, that disgusting gray hippie-shirt, and let his other hand rest on the wall. "Was it all a lie? Was it-?" unable to continue, he took away his gaze from Cas blue eyes and drop it to his lips.

"No, Dean, I-"

"Dammit, Cas!" he needed answers, and he needed them yesterday. He couldn't stand anymore this swaying between yes and no. He needed for once in his life a straight answer. So he demanded it in the one way that it occurred to him that he would get one. He drove his head forward and kissed Cas hard on the lips. The former angel wanted to say something, but whatever it was lost even to him because as soon as he opened his mouth, Dean took the opportunity to insert his tongue and kissed him with the passion of five years of holding back.

Cas remained unresponsive for a few seconds, but then it was to much for him. He drew his arms around Dean and kissed him back hard. All the love that they held each other was out there in the dance of their tongues, on the frantic touch of their hands pressing them hard together, trying to fuse them into one. It was clear then to Dean, and then it was clear to Cas too. When what they were doing truly sank in, he panicked.

He shoved Dean back, pushing him with his two hands in his chest.

"No, I can't," he exclaimed.

"Why?!" shouted Dean, the too familiar sting of rejection once more aching in his heart.

"Because I don't deserve you!" Cas yelled back.

The confession hanged in the air for a few seconds before it broke down.

"You- you stupid dumbass," said Dean pushing Cas back against the wall. " _I_ am the one who doesn't deserve you."

"Dean..."

"But you know what? I've grown tired of the whole crap of who deserves what. This time I just want to take," he paused. "You with me?"

Castiel looked at the green eyes of the man in front of him. He saw the need, the want and the love. And he found himself unable to deny himself anymore. This time was Cas who drew in for a kiss first.

Dean couldn't help but to moan when their tongues came into contact again. The kiss tasting differently now that Cas had been the one to initiate it, more enthralling. This time the hunter held the sides of Cas' head, burying his fingers in the dark hair, while the fallen angel held him close with a hand on his neck and the other one on his back.

"Cas..." breathed Dean when they parted, pressing their foreheads together.

"Dean," Cas said back and then moaned loudly when the hunter begun kissing his neck.

Dean then trailed downwards, tugging at the shirt to access Cas' collarbones without separating his lips from the angel's skin. Growing impatient, he took a step back and took out the gray shirt. Before it had landed on the floor, he had shoved Cas back against the wall and was kissing his chest passionately.

Cas moaned and trembled under his ministrations. It was only when the tugging of his own shirt became too insistent, that he moved back to Cas' mouth and helped him removing his shirt. With their naked chest, they pressed together and moaned in unison when their clothed erections rubbed together.

"Cas... bed... now," Dean whispered lustfully. There were actually to many things that he wanted to say. But the thoughts rushed together in his mind and the words came to him in dibs and drabs, so his speech was reduced to a Tarzan-style.

"Yes," moaned Cas, figuring out where this was heading to, and eager to get there.

Kissing all the time, they moved together towards the bed. Dean guiding Cas' movements until the bed hit the back of the ex-angel's legs and they both fell with a dry huff. Dean laughed and Cas smiled back one of his barely-there smirks, however the remaining smile in the hunter's lips turned into a groan when the fallen angel pushed up his hips against his.

So it was back on, and so was Dean's mouth on Cas. The kisses now less coordinated while they climbed better onto the bed. Cas' hands roamed all over the upper part of Dean's body, and when they found the hunter's nipples, Dean had to stop kissing the ex-angel and buried his head between the other's neck and shoulder while he grunted in pleasure.

"Cas..." panted Dean, surrounded by the warmth of Cas' body already, even when their pants were still on. Cas would have said something back, but his mouth was already busy sucking a hickey behind Dean's ear, the sound of the human's uneven breathing encouraging him on.

When he was able to overcome the assault on his senses, Dean put a hand over Cas' groin and started massaging the bulge there. He rejoiced in the startled gasp that the ex-angel emitted that had fast transformed into a moaning and panting. Sending subtlety over the board, Dean quickly removed Cas' shoes and pants and fondled with Cas' cock with just the thin fabric of his boxers as barrier. The former angel was moaning so loudly that he was on the verge of screaming. With trembling hands he fought against Dean's belt in an attempt to remove the pants. But he was too lost between the waves of please and the lust to do it right.

Finally, Dean took pity on him.

"Wait. Here," he said removing himself from over Cas' body and dealing with his own shoes and pants. When came the turn to take out his underwear he started feeling self-conscious, but Cas put his hand over his and, with their eyes locked into each other they removed it together. Cas then, stared in awe at Dean's cock and took it in his hand softly. Dean hissed at the first contact. When Cas attempted to remove his hand, he shook his head.

"No," he breathed. "Go on, please," his voice was slow, barely above a whisper.

So Cas stared moving his hand. His strokes were doubtful at first, but Dean's pleading moans increasing in frequency and the words of encouragement kept pushing him forward, his grip became tighter and his movements faster. When he brushed with his thumb the head of the hunter's cock, he made Dean actually _whimper_. He whispered against the other man's ear.

"You look beautiful like this, Dean," Cas said with his blunt honesty. Dean taken by surprise had to react fast and grip the base of his cock to not come right there.

"Wait," murmured Dean with a broken voice.

He debated for a second if to remove Cas' underwear completely or if to just handle the waistband down and take Cas' cock right there. Deciding that this was the fallen angel's first time and that he had to do it properly, he took his time and finished undressing Cas, throwing away the last garment to the floor.

Cas cock stood proudly against his stomach, and Dean licked his lips imagining it in his mouth. Yet, he was too far gone, he wouldn't last long, so he decided that if he was going to give head for the first time, he had to do it with his head more into the game. It would be next time _. Next time_. Dean shuddered, the fact that now he and Cas would be a thing now filled his heart with a hope he didn't want to consider.

He then kissed Cas once more, the dragging of lips and tongue too sweet, too dangerous. So he drew apart and pressed their foreheads together and locked their eyes in a profound stare. Without missing a bit from Cas' expressions, he took Cas' cock in his hand. The fallen angel's face contorted in pleasure and his fingernails scrapped the flesh of Dean's shoulders.

And Dean loved it.

With determination, he put everything he ever loved and enjoyed from a handjob in the work that he was doing to Cas. He relished on the broken sound of his name falling from Cas' lips over and over again. He sucked and scrapped with his teeth the skin of Cas' neck. Until he couldn't take it anymore and it wasn't enough. He put his and Cas' cock together, created a passage with his hand and trusted into it.

"Dean!" shouted Cas digging his nails in Dean's arms hard enough to draw out a few drops of blood.

But it didn't matter to Dean, who grasped out "Cas!" right before the other man grabbed his head and dragged him down for a bruising kiss.

Soon, Dean had found a rhythm and no long after, Cas realized that he could move too and started thrusting up against Dean's cock. The room filled with moans and groans, and the sound of two labored breaths.

"Yeah, just like that," exclaimed Dean at an specially hard thrust from Cas.

"Dean, I- I-" cried Cas feeling like the pleasure running in his veins was going to make him explode.

"Shh, I got you. I got you, babe," whispered the hunter against the fallen angel's ear.

" _Dean_ ," whimpered Cas like he was lost and scared in a cascade of sensations.

"It's okay," said Dean staring in the blue eyes that were black from lust. "I got you," he repeated because he wasn't ready to say the other word. "I got you."

However, Cas got the true meaning behind those words, and that love that he felt coming from that precious soul that he had rescued from Hell all those years ago was enough for him. "Dean!" he shouted while his world exploded into waves of pleasure and his world faded to only lust-blown green eyes and freckled skin.

For Dean what made it wasn't the feeling of Cas' come dripping out through his fingers, but the blissed out expression in _his lover's_ face and knowing that he had made that. That he had brought an angel of the Lord, a warrior of Heaven, his best friend, _Cas_ , to this.

"Castiel," he cried expelling his release between their stomachs.

.

The first thing he felt when coming down from his high was the raising and falling of Cas' chest underneath him. Then he noticed Cas' hand drawing soft lines on his back. He started to raise so his full weight didn't crash Cas but the other man held him down. So he complied, resting his body over Cas' and kissed his shoulder.

"That was..." begun saying the fallen angel but he could find no way in any existing language that could explain what had experience.

"Awesome," finished Dean for him hiding his head in the crook of his lover's neck.

"Yes, it was," agreed Cas smiling for the over-simplicity of his beloved.

They remained in silence, just feeling each other's breaths. Dean caressed with his thumb the side of Cas' arms, concentrating on the sound of his heartbeat. He would have remained like that longer if it hadn't been that he felt their come drying between their bodies.

"Not that I don't love cuddling, man, but this is starting to get gross," he said reaching to the floor and grabbing the first cloth that he could find. He felt no small satisfaction when he discovered that it was Cas' ugly shirt. He cleaned them and toss it back to the floor. He then climbed under the sheets of the right side of the bed.

Now that the passion had wore off, Cas had reverted to his old stiff-in-the-butt self, like he didn't know how to share the bed. Though Dean was feeling a bit awkward himself now, he was having none of that. Lying on his side, he took Cas left hand and took it to his chest.

"Good night, Cas," he said holding the fallen angel's arm close.

"Goodnight, Dean," and although unusual, the contact was enough for Cas, who relaxed and soon was falling asleep.

.

Awareness came slowly to Cas. Even after almost five months, waking up was still a confusing process. The first thing he noticed was that he was lying down on the bed, the pillow was soft against his cheek and that he had had the best night of sleep ever. When he opened his eyes, he saw green ones looking at him. A soft smile curved his lips.

"Hey," said Dean, smiling at him.

"Hello, Dean," he answered with a low sleepy-voice. "I thought that staring at someone while they slept was considered 'creepy'"

"And now you take note of that?" answered Dean amused. "Oh, how the tables have turned!" he mocked him, but then a blush crept into his face. "Well, it's not creepy, if they- if they both are..."

"A couple?" offered Cas as end of the sentence.

"Yeah..." said Dean getting lost in the blue eyes of his... lover? Partner? _Boyfriend?_

They stared at each other for a while till Dean broke the silence.

"You snore," he said.

"I do not snore," complained Cas.

"Yeah, you do," laughed Dean grabbing the other by the hips and dragging him closer.

They both remained in silence again, just staring at each other. It was like no matter what, they always ended up in the same place. Falling in love with each other over and over again with just a look.

With slow movements, Cas grabbed the back of Dean's neck and closed in the remaining distance between their mouths. The kiss was slow, their tongues caressing each other. In a way, it was more intimate that everything they had done the night before. When Dean moaned, the sound dragged out. After a while, Cas was half lying over Dean.

When they separated, there was a silent agreement to go on to where this was headed to. Cas' hands roamed lightly along his arms, because this time it wasn't about lust like last night, this was about a whole different thing. This was about _love_ and _intimacy_. And it scared Dean, it was too soon, it was too much and he wasn't ready.

"Dean," whispered Cas, "I love you."

"Cas..." complained Dean.

He was at war inside him. A part of him wanted to rejoice on it all. The other part, the part that was now screaming inside him, wanted to run away from it. However, when his eyes locked with Cas', and he saw all the love and awe in them, he realized that if there was someone who he could share this level of intimacy and trust, it was Cas.

"Yes," he said and Cas understood.

Cas kissed Dean once more, their tongues pressing softly against one another. The former angel then moved to the hunter's jaw, and then to his collarbone, his chest and then he finally enclosed his lips over the left nipple, the one over his Righteous Man's heart. He sucked, while caressing the other nipple, until it was into full hardness. Dean was moaning and whimpering constantly, but he was beyond the point of caring. Specially, when Cas begun kissing his stomach and continued going downwards. Was Cas... was Cas going to really do it?

Dean was panting hard by then, until he gasped sharply when he felt the first sweep of Cas' tongue over the head of his cock and then his lips wrapping over it. Yep, Cas was really doing it.

"Cas!" shouted Dean, his voice breaking into a whimper when the fallen angel begun going up and down along his shaft.

He was inexperienced and the technique was sloppy, but this was the best blowjob he had ever received in his entire life. Because this was Cas. Cas going down on him. Cas with his lips around him. Cas with his blue eyes never breaking down the staring. Cas, Cas, Cas...

Dean clutched to the sheet on his sides. He was barely able to look down, with the threat of coming right there hanging over him.

The wave of pleasure that he was riding through was broken when he suddenly felt Cas' finger touching his entrance. For a second, memories of Hell came back to him. Memories of what was done to him there, how he had been tortured and humiliated in every way possible, and for a brief second, he panicked. But then he opened his eyes and looked at the eyes of the being who had rescued him from Hell. And yes, he could do this. He could do it for Cas. He could do it _with_ Cas.

"Wait!" he exclaimed, and Cas who had continued blowing him and caressing the outside of his entrance stopped all at once. "Lube. We need lube."

"I don't have anything resembling that," grimaced Cas.

"I do," said Dean. He had it from the times when he still did one-stands, in case the girl agreed to do anal. He hoped that it hadn't expired. Did lube even had an expiration date?

With a mix of dread -he didn't want to get away from Cas- and excitement -he very much wanted to go on with the next part, specially if it continued involving Cas' mouth-, he got up from the bed. He searched between the clothed on the floor for his jeans and he put them on just like that. He ran through the hallway, and got into his room as fast as he could, closing the door behind him. He didn't want for Sam to run into him wearing just jeans. He was sporting a big tent in them and his exposed chest was covered in hickeys.

When he was opening the zipper of his bag to grab the lube, he paused. Was he really going to do this? Was he really going to have full-on gay-sex with Cas? One thing was what they've done so far, and another one was being on the receiving end of... Well, having a dick inside of your ass was probably as gay as you could get. So, was he really crossing that line?

Dean hesitated, holding the lube in his hand. He thought of Cas and those blue eyes that showed them the true nature of the angel. He still didn't dare say the L word, not even to himself, but he knew it to be true.

The sensation of how Cas' dick would feel inside of him came to his mind, and he moaned. Yeah, he wanted that. His erection that had begun to flatten regained its full hardness.

The hunter looked at the condoms inside his bag, but he didn't grab any. He hadn't slept with anyone since Cas' last healed him and he knew that he was Cas' first, so they were both clean. Besides considering that they already had oral sex, it was a little late for thinking about protection now. And anyway, he thought blushing, if he was really doing this then he wanted to feel _all_ of Cas.

God, he was really turning _so_ gay.

.

He had barely had time to close the door of Cas' room before the ex-angel had him pressed against it.

"You took to long," said Cas and then his mouth was over Dean's.

Dean was expecting a harsh, passionate kiss, traced with desperation and a fast-burning lust. Instead the kiss, though still passionate, was slow and deep, and the lust, instead of all-consuming, melted everything away till all Dean was left with was an aching need that threatened to drown him. He moaned loudly.

"Cas," he whispered and he let himself be guided to the bed, where Cas accompanied his fall.

The ex-angel took away Dean's jeans, gave a few strokes to his hard cock and massaged his balls, all while kissing his jaw, before moving to his perineum. Dean hissed and Cas calmed him right before he moved a finger to caress Dean's entrance.

In a moment that was lost to Dean, Cas had taken the lube and spread it through his fingers, so when the digit finally pushed and came in, it was slick. Dean gasped and his body made a strange involuntary movement, trying to get away and closer to the finger inside his most intimate part.

"Dean," Cas called him.

His eyes were wide, and the blue from his irises was almost entirely gone, like he couldn't believe that he was doing this with Dean, to Dean.

"Go... go on," instructed the hunter with his voice turned into a broken moan. He emphasized his point with a roll of his hips.

The sound that escaped straight from Cas' chest was something akin to a growl, warning and possessive. He then begun moving his finger, in and out, the pace was slow but ruthless. And soon Dean was writhing and begging for more. When Cas added the second finger he was gentler and the rhythm had fallen into this sweet search for the spot that would made Dean see stars. And when he found it, oh, when he found it. Dean shouted his angel name, his back arched on the bed, his hips moved down and his hands flew to hold of Cas' arms.

"There...! There...!" he moaned and he definitely did _not_ beg.

With his breaths coming in fast, sharp gasps, Cas kept moving his fingers, hitting Dean's prostate over and over again. Until the hunter felt that he was coming close, that this was going to be over and it had barely begun for God's sake!

"Cas, now!" he demanded. "Do it now! For the love of God, just do it now!"

"You're not fully prepared yet," the tremble in the fallen angel's voice contradicting the well-constructed structure of his sentence.

"Cas, _please_!" ordered Dean, or that he would have liked to believe, because if he was truly honest with himself, he was just begging... just begging.

Being the ever-stubborn mule that he was, Cas still added a third finger. Yet he worked them quickly, stretching him and working him open until he was satisfied with it. Or until he couldn't resist it anymore. He grabbed the lube once more and poured some on his cock, hissing when the cold substance made contact with his heated flesh. He pressed the head of his cock against Dean's entrance and he paused to stare at the green eyes.

The trust and love which with Dean was staring back at him was enough to melt Cas' heart. The fact that such a Righteous Man as Dean Winchester was trusting him and loving him so much, and confiding in him with such an act -that Cas knew well enough what its true ramifications were- was extraordinary. When he fell, the one thing that he had regretted more was not being able to look upon Dean's bright soul anymore. But in that moment, in that precise moment, he could swear that he could see it again in those beautiful green eyes.

If he could sing, like they used to in Heaven. He would sing an Hallelujah. A high, fevered, cold and broken Hallelujah.

Slowly, he pushed into Dean.

For a moment, the pressure seemed too much. As if Cas' cock couldn't make it into Dean's body, and the hunter was about to tell Cas to stop, that he'd been wrong and that he wasn't near ready. But before the words could get out of his throat, he felt Cas' balls pressing against his rear and that was it.

He opened his eyes that he hadn't noticed that he had closed, and saw Cas' eyes fogged with lust, his brow knitted together in concentration, holding back. The whole image was just so _Cas_ that Dean's heart melted and he brought down the man's head to kiss him deeply, while he willed his muscles to relax.

When he had adjusted to the presence of Cas' dick inside him, he whispered into the fallen angel's ear.

"Move," he asked, and Cas whimpered but complied.

Ever so slowly, he drew out until only the head was inside. He then bottomed out at the same maddening pace. Dean moaned, the friction in the most intimate part of his being bringing pleasure that he had never known before. This was Cas, Cas inside him, Cas moving at a slow but secure -damn too secure for a guy topping for the first time- rhythm. Cas' dick in his ass. Cas' chest against him. Cas. Cas.

"Cas, Cas," he was saying out load, in whispers that dragged out as long as Cas' strokes.

" _Dean_ ," Cas' voice was wrecked. "You're so perfect."

"No, Cas..." complained the hunter, this was still getting into far more dangerous territory that he was willing to go for the first time. This was the land of feelings and confessions and words that he was not ready to say out load. And that brief determination had dissolved between his insecurities.

But Cas didn't reply, instead he kissed Dean, and made him feel like a fool. Because the L word was already there, and this had passed the point of no return long ago. So he could only surrender to the sensations overwhelming. And for once in his life, just enjoy things. So he did so with a loud moan, when the kiss finally broke.

Cas kept moving, driving on instincts and feelings alone. He needed to pour out all that he felt for the beautiful man under him. And he did so with soft touches into Dean's hair, with the sweet drag of his lips, with small kisses along Dean's face and searching like a drowning man for water those green eyes.

When their stares locked together, it was too much and he couldn't resist it.

"I love you, Dean," he breathed. "I love you," and his voice came out like a sob.

"Cas!" groaned the hunter, arching his back to press harder against the other man's body.

The former angel drew an arm around Dean's waist to hold him in place and although he barely fastened the pace, the strokes were firmer. The new angle allowed Cas to hit Dean's prostate in almost every thrust.

Dean was seeing stars and felt like his limbs were made of melting butter, having to hold harder to Cas, like his life depending on it. He felt so full, so complete, so overwhelmed. The sweet friction of Cas' cock inside him was flooding him with wave after wave of pleasure. And every time that the angel in his arms hit that spot inside him, he feared that he would get drown in the feelings of ultimate bliss. The muscles in his ass clenched to Cas' cock like it was a lifesaver. He was crying and moaning, even screaming, like a cheap porn-star, but he didn't care in the slightest. All he cared about was the cock in his ass and the whimpering figure in his arms.

For Cas, this had gotten beyond the point of just plain overwhelming a long time ago. He was lost, completely lost, in the feeling of the tight passage that he was thrusting into, in the sounds that emitted the man underneath him and in the feelings that kept flooding his heart. He had only came once in his life, so he wasn't very familiar with the sensations but if it he was right then he was getting truly close.

"Dean, I- I-" but he could barely speak.

"No, Cas! Wait, wait!" the hunter didn't want it to be over, he was loving every second of it, and he wanted it to go on forever.

"I c-can't!" cried Cas, grasping Dean even closer to his body. His eyes closed in pleasure.

It was getting to much for him, after all this was barely his second rodeo. His hips had lost any traces of a rhythm and were pounding erratically into Dean's ass. His senses were quickly being repleted and suddenly, everything exploded into white. And with a loud shout of " _Dean!_ " he came, his cock spilling white inside of Dean's passage.

Dean had felt like it wasn't going to be enough. Even with the added help of the friction of their stomachs on his cock, he had felt that his orgasm was still not near. That's why when he felt Cas coming and shouting his name, his climax had taken him by surprise. He cried out Cas' name as he came and he went completely oblivious of the way that the word had turned into something resembling a sob.

He came back to his senses with his eyes on the ceiling and hugging Cas' body close to him. He was still floating in the after-waves of his orgasm, when he had the most terrifying thought of his life. It was a realization that filled him with fear and insecurities. Before he could help it, his chest was moving up and down in aborted movements, and he was crying.

Worried, Cas removed his head from the crook of Dean's neck and asked. "Dean, what's wrong?" but the hunter couldn't answer while he continued crying. "Dean, what's wrong? Talk to me, please," the fallen angel's voice was laced with concern.

As Dean seemed incapable of speaking, Cas decided to comfort him as well as he could until such time came that the man was ready to talk. So he covered the hunter's face with soft kisses, all along the tallest man's forehead and eyes and lips. However, those comforting touches were not helping Dean, and if anything they were making Dean cry harder.

Right now, Dean wasn't anymore the most feared hunter in the world. He was as a small child who needed his mother's hugs to send away the night terrors. Because Dean was scared and terrified, and he needed someone to tell him that it was going to be alright, and most importantly, he needed to believe it.

"Dean, please, talk to me. Please," begged Cas, caressing the hunter's cheeks, getting scared, "What's wrong?" he repeated.

"I'm- I'm happy," Dean managed to say.

"I don't understand," replied Cas.

Dean chuckled between the sobs when he saw the dark haired man tilt his head.

"Don't you get it?" he cried. "I don't get to be happy," he explained. "I'm going to break you and lose you and I-"

How could he explain to this ex-angel of the Lord that this was the happiest he had ever been in his life. How could he explain that everything he had ever had with Cassie or Lisa paled completely in comparison with this. That with Cas everything in his God forsaken life made sense, that all the broken pieces fit and that every moment of suffering was now worthy.

"I can't-" the sobs wouldn't let him continue. "And I'm going to- But I can't- I won't resist it."

Cas understood it then.

"I won't leave you," he said.

"Don't you get it?" asked Dean in a hysteric sob. "The Winchester don't get to have happy endings! That isn't us! It isn't me! I'm going to lose you in some horrible way and I just can't lose you!"

" _Dean_ ," complained Cas, the single word trying to bring some sense into Dean. "Everything I've tried to do in my life lately has ended in disaster. I can't promise you that the future won't bring us dire things. And until last night I had deemed myself unworthy of any shreds of happiness. But now," he paused and put every ounce of love into his eyes, "I've regained hope, and though I've long since accepted that my Father has abandoned us and doesn't care for us, I do believe in miracles, I believe in _you_ , in _us_. And I'm asking you, Dean, to believe in this with me. Will you?"

The hunter stared at Cas, and slowly, very slowly, with tears still shining in his eyes, he nodded.

.

A couple of hours later, they had rested enough from that sex-marathon. Although, it had been more than just sex, it had been an emotional draining that had rendered both men exhausted. They had dozed off clinging to each other, both needing the emotional security. They would have remained longer in bed if it wasn't that Cas' stomach had started to grumble.

Kissing each other senseless every few minutes just because they could, they took a shower that took longer than it should. And if they didn't go in for a round three, it was because Dean's stomach reminded them that they needed food to continue. Laughing -well, Cas just smiled, but it was big enough to be considered a laugh for him-, they dressed with the same clothes that they had the night before. Save that Cas had to take a new shirt from his cupboard.

They were having breakfast in the kitchen, when Sam came in to grab a snack -it was almost midday after all-. If the noises from last night and this morning hadn't been enough, he had to just look at his brother and his friend to know what had happened. Their necks, both sported hickeys and they had this sort of dopey-smile and relaxed muscles that spoke of good sex.

So Sam had two choices. He could either be a good brother and acknowledge the change in Dean and Cas' relationship respectfully and with maturity _or_ he could be a good brother and mock Dean senseless. He pondered the two options for less than a second. The opportunity was too good to let it pass.

"So, Dean," he said, "did you fight with an over-affectionate octopus last night?"

"Sammy?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"Shut up."

A few states away, a hellhound was being killed and his black blood was spilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I had the majority of this episode planned since August last year, that means that I had the chapter in my mind for like 8 months, more specifically, the sex scenes.  
> Now, you may think "How, you promised me an angsty end!verse-like fics. What is this happiness??". So I shall say. To break something, it has to be whole first, right? *evil smile*  
> Now, really, I hope you enjoyed and that you forgive me how much it took me to update. And yes, the happiness won't last long as you may have guessed by the plot poking his head in this chapter. I also hope, that you think it was done right. I went through many headaches trying to figure act the right behaviour for each action and reaction. Staying in character is the thing that I tried to do most. That's why like 8-months of planning and like 3 months to write this chapter. Really, having emotional constipated characters is a pain in the ass. A huge pain in the ass.  
> As I see it the only way this could happen is because of season 8. I mean, in a full end!verse something like this would have never happened, and my guess is that it did not. However, taking into account the huge character development of Dean in season 8, I think that there was space enough in that development for this to happen.  
> Now, for those who may have caught the mention of the title of the fic in the chapter. Well, there you have why this fic is here. It all started with this. "Cas has fallen, can't look at souls anymore. Ergo, he can't see Dean's soul anymore, he gets sad. They get together, they have sex, Cas can see Dean's soul in his eyes. The end." And then there was a whole plot and this monster arised.  
> Now, if this fic, stays like this (do not consider this chapter like the rule) then it's going to end up being a 68k fic, and OMG I've never wrote so much.  
> Anyway, hope that you can forgive me, I'll bring next chapter as soon as I can, and I SWEAR that it won't take another three months. I SWEAR ON DESTIEL BECOMING CANON!!!


	10. Sweet child of innocence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay, I know that I have actually not excuses good enough because I had the episode done for ages, but finals people and my worst month at university... But I'm back again with the turn of the tide. And yesterday was a year since I started writing this fic... Wow.

Cas' vision was blurry. He tried to focus for the twentieth time on the same sentence, before his mind gave up and his head fell down. When his neck couldn't bend anymore, he jerked awake suddenly, only to star drifting off almost immediately. Not even all the coffee he had ingested in the last couple of hours was enough to keep him from falling asleep. A hand in his shoulder shook him gently.

"Come on, Cas," whispered Dean softly. "Let's go to bed. We'll continue tomorrow."

"No, we can't continue dragging it anymore. We need to find a solution," insisted Cas stubborn as ever, his voice raspy with tiredness.

They had been reading book after book of all the lore that the Men of Letters had about angels or Heaven. With Kevin gone and out of reach -he had deserted them the night the angels had fallen, probably deciding after translating the third trial that it was enough- and with the angel tablet lost -Dean hadn't been thinking clearly when he killed Crowley before getting the intel from him-, they didn't had much to go on about how to reverse the spell that Metatron had cast. The Men of Letters were their last hope, but they didn't had exactly much on angels and Heaven. And if they did, then it was clearly lost between the thousands of books and archives that they had. Whenever there wasn't a new case on the horizon, the three hunters spent most of their free time researching. But the task was frustrating.

"I know," Dean humored him, "but there's nothing that can't wait until you have slept a few hours. Come on, even Sam's called it a quit and he's the research freak."

"Hey!" called Sam, "I heard that!"

"As if it wasn't true, Scully," commented Dean with a huff.

Sam barely had time to move the muscles of his face into a bitchface expression, when a loud crash was heard and one of the bookshelves fell down. A litany of curses in both English and Spanish came from under it. The three hunters grabbed their weapons. However, when Cas and Sam saw that it was Eugenia they lowered their blade and knife respectively. Dean remained with his gun pointing right at her chest.

"What are you doing here?" Dean asked darkly.

"Yeah, hi," said Eugenia looking at the gun. "You should know that that can't kill me," she informed to Dean, pointing at the weapon in his hands. "It may hurt but like, that's it. It won't kill me or anything."

"It's worth the try," responded Dean still aiming the gun at her.

"As you wish," sighed Eugenia, her eyebrows raised in resignation. "Anyway," she said turning to Sam and Cas, "I've come to help," she smiled.

"Okay, now I've had it, bitch," said Dean putting away his gun and taking the angel blade from Cas' hands. "So you've come to help? Where were you when I prayed to you to come and heal Cas about a month ago? I didn't see you helping then."

The hunter took several steps towards her, ignoring Sam's hand in his shoulder, and Cas calling his name. Eugenia, now looking truly frightened stepped back, not taking her eyes from the blade.

"Yeah, about that... I wanted to help you, but I couldn't."

"Like Hell you couldn't!" he said jumping on her. He grabbed her by the front of her shirt and pressed the blade against her neck.

"No, Dean, wait!· shouted Cas. "Let her go!"

"This bitch has some explaining to do," he said boring his threatening gaze onto her.

"No, really, I wanted to, but I couldn't. Remember that I'm _half_ -angel. My wings are small and I fly slowly, barely faster than a car. It would have taken me like three hours to reach you. Why do you think I crashed when I arrived? It wasn't for fun. I've got all these powers and no one to teach me how to use them. And Gabriel doesn't fit exactly the best big brother role," she stalled. "Besides," she said when Dean relaxed a bit his grip on her, "I can't heal people. I can barely heal myself as it is."

"You can't?" asked Sam astonished, while Dean let her go, although not entirely convinced.

"No," she said straightening her clothes, "I can't heal others. I can only heal myself slowly, if he shoot me well, like an instant kill, well, he _could_ kill me. Though, is an hypothesis that I wouldn't like to test."

"You said t wouldn't kill you", complained Dean still glaring dangerously at her.

"Well, you didn't had to know that, right?" she said rather disdainful. "Anyway, want to know why I came?"

"You were going to help us?" asked Sam with curiosity.

"Yeah, well, it isn't _help_ help, it's more like a lead. Well, no. I mean- It might not work at all. Like, it can work, be a waste of time or go _really_ wrong," she stalled once more.

"Speak clearly," demanded Dean, "What are you talking about?"

If glares could smite, then Dean would had his eyes burnt out already.

"I found a spell to summon Death," said the half-angel.

"Summon Death?" Cas repeated calmly, though with an edge of concern.

"Well, it's more like we respectfully tell him that we desire to speak with him and that we would be very pleased if he could grace us with his presence," she explained.

"Why would we need to talk to him?" asked Sam.

"We could ask him to take us to Heaven," said Dean, a strategy starting to form in his mind. If someone could take them there, in a way that it didn't exactly involve dying, then it was Death.

"Exactly," Eugenia grinned. "We can go to Heaven, kick Metatron's ass, make him tell us how to reverse the spell and we could even find Cas' Grace."

At the mention of Cas' regaining his Grace, something was tore down inside Dean. He knew something like this would come. That there would be a day when Cas' would stop needing him. For a brief moment, he wanted to boycott everything, to screw every plan to go to Heaven and force Cas to be human and to _stay_. Instantly, he realized what he was thinking and wanted to kick himself in the gut. He couldn't be such a selfish bastard.

Well, he thought, it had been good while it lasted.

"There's something I don't like," his face lacked any emotion. "You keep using the word 'we'"

Anger was safe. Anger was good.

"Yeah, I'm coming," stated Eugenia, "I'm the one bringing this, so I'm putting the conditions and you could us my powers, scarce as they are. Besides, Garth is not even answering his phone so it's not like I've got anywhere else to go."

"What happened to Garth?" asked Sam worried.

"I don't know," said Eugenia dropping her shoulders, her concern evident. "After the whole 'You're a wizard, Harry' I needed some time alone. When I returned home he was gone and I couldn't contact him since."

"That's not like him," commented Dean.

"I know," agreed the woman.

In the silence that followed, where everyone wondered what could had happened to Garth, Cas yawned, unable to contain himself.

"Although I am worried about our mutual friend, and I'd very much like to proceed with summoning Death, I need to rest first."

"Yeah, me too," agreed Sam, distorting his sentence with a yawn of his own.

"Let's go," motioned Dean.

"Wait," said Eugenia to Sam. "Can I borrow your computer? There's a lot of Doctor Who that I need to catch up too."

.

Dean undressed in silence. He barely covered himself with the sheet, and he lied with his back to Cas. He didn't caress Cas' cheek with his thumb, nor did he kiss him goodbye or clang to him like and octopus as he did nearly every night. On the other side of bed, Cas took of his clothes with caution as if Dean was a deer that he didn't want to scare off.

"Dean..." he called. There was dread in his voice, if it was for Dean or his relationship with him, he couldn't say.

The hunter didn't answer. Definitely not wanting to talk about how Cas was going to leave him as soon as he got his wings back. The fallen angel called his name again, this time grabbing him by the shoulder and shaking him softly.

Since coming together, they had fought. They were broken men and sometimes their broken pieces had edges and crashed together. However, after some shouts back and forth, and sometimes a scolding from Sam, they had always came through it. They both worked hard on their relationship and little by little, they were fixing each other. But this time, it didn't seem like it was the case.

"What do you want?" barked Dean.

The sharp unfriendly tone hurt Cas more than he was expecting to. Had he done something wrong in their relationship? Had he screwed up? The thought of losing Dean terrified him.

"Dean," he said and he sounded so hurt, that the hunter had to turn to look at him.

Cas was looking at him like a wounded animal, and Dean couldn't stand that, couldn't stand the thought of him being the reason of that expression on Cas' face. So he grabbed his boyfriend's head with one hand and kissed him with all he had. He was determined to fiercely kiss away that hurt from his face. He pressed his tongue viciously against Cas' lips until he opened them. Dean covered every single corner of the other man's mouth with his tongue, eager to melt Cas.

And Cas couldn't help but moan under the hunter's ministrations, needing the intimacy and the reassurance. He hold hard onto Dean, as if he was afraid that he would melt into oblivion if he didn't. It had been a month now, but sometimes, more often than not, it felt too much for him. When they drew apart, he was breathing hard, but Dean didn't let him recover before he was stripping him of the few clothes that he had on.

If he was going to lose Cas as soon as he got his Grace back, then Dean was to take as much advantage as he could of Cas still being his. Cas being human, Cas still needing him.

Undressing himself was harder. He didn't know if it was due to Cas barely letting him go or to him not being able to drew apart from Cas' warmth for more than two seconds at the time. He didn't care though, when the full length of their naked bodies finally pressed together and their cocks slid against each other. Dean hadn't finished moaning before he was reaching for the drawer and grabbing the lube. He spread some on Cas' fingers and then took him by the wrist and guided him to his entrance.

At first, their sex had been vanilla. But as they started giving into the intimacy, their true natures started to emerge. Dean liked to be dominated in bed, to be held down while as Cas fucked into him. It was what outside of bed he couldn't do, give himself completely over to another person, to relinquish total control to someone else. And as Cas gained confidence in himself regarding sex, he begun growing bolder. He discovered that he loved dominating Dean, about being responsible of how much pleasure the other man would get. And of course, the amount of trust that Dean put over him.

Yet, this wasn't like that. This was like fighting, but instead of punches it was rough caresses, instead of angry shouts it was ripped moans, and what before had been a wall it was now a memory foam bed. They both knew the beat of this, it was something they had practiced over the years.

"Do it," panted Dean. "Just do it."

Cas recognized the words, he knew them well. They stirred something in him, a primitive growl came from Cas' chest. And this time he didn't hesitate.

He pushed his whole finger inside Dean. He barely gave him time to get used to it, before he was moving it roughly. Soon it was two, and three fingers inside. He didn't even bothered to search for Dean's prostate, hitting at it randomly by chance.

The hunter's eyes were black and reversed to a primal state. He took Cas' hand out of him. He barely had the presence of mind to add some lube on Cas' cock before he was impaling himself on it on just one go.

"Fuck, Dean," cursed Cas, his hands getting a held of Dean's hips.

A shiver run trough Dean's spine when he heard the swear come out of the ex-angel's lips. He then moved up, until only the head of Cas' cock was still in, and slammed down again. He set a ruthless pace that made his dick bounce and hit against Cas' stomach. When the room had begun to fill with moans and groans and pants, Cas started to thrust up hard.

The sound of the slaps of skin against skin was heard all around the bedroom. The force of their combined movements was threatening to break them apart. And Dean felt like he was going to start shouting his pleasure, but he couldn't have that. So he started talking, trying to break Cas down.

"You like this, don't you?" he purred. "You like it rough, you dirty angel. You love it when I ride your cock this hard. You just love fucking my brains out, don't you?"

"Dean, shut up," though his voice trembled, the command was clear.

The submissive side of Dean wanted to obey, but the rest of him, that side of him that was hurt, angry, and scared wanted to be rebellious. And he was about to do so, when he got caught by the lust-blown eyes of Cas. So now they were also having eye-sex, like they've done for so long, the same practiced beat. But this time it was different. This time it was as rough and merciless as their fucking.

Soon their rhythm started to falter and they both had to look away and close their eyes. They could feel their own orgasm coming close and neither of them wanted to be the first one to come, the first one to surrender. Dean was practically screaming his pleasure, but he was way beyond the point of caring now.

"Fuck, Dean," exclaimed Cas after the hunter shoved down particularly hard on him.

That was it. With a raw scream of "Castiel!" Dean came hard. His cock spilling his release over Cas' chest, some of it even landing on his chin. The fallen angel thrust four more times, each thrust accompanied by a "Fuck," and then he was spilling his hot seed inside Dean's ass.

When the adrenaline and endorphins wore down on both of them, the previous angry tension was replaced with awkwardness. And the strain that had been floating in the air before things turned hot, came back at full force.

"Dean," and the hunter knew what question was coming, so he shut his eyes, and shifted over the ex-angel chest, as if that would free him from having to hear it. "What's wrong?"

Dean raised his head, supporting himself on his elbow to look at his lover in the eye. Part of him, that part that worked hard over the past month with his relationship with Cas, wanted to answer. But his old-self was trapped in abandonment issues and felt ashamed. He tried to gather the words on his mouth, but they all died before even reaching his throat.

"I- I can't," he said and dropped his head, shoulders bended in defeat.

Cas understood that it wasn't a refusal to give an answer, it was the inability to put into words feelings that had been bottled up for years, so he accepted it. "Alright," he whispered and caressed softly the blond man's head.

.

When morning came, and after a few kisses that promised that they would fix whatever was between them both, they went to the kitchen to find that Eugenia had cooked breakfast for all of them.

"Morning," she greeted them with a smile so big that she could barely contain herself, noticing the clear signs of the morning after.

"What's got you so happy?" asked Dean still sleepy, his tone didn't come out as mean as he intended to because the pancakes smelled good. And okay, if it tasted as good as they smelled she might get a chance to start getting into him.

"Oh, nothing. Just that I have angel powers now and I can hear _everything_ ," she said with her back towards him, working on the last pancakes, but her smile was still visible on the way her cheeks curved.

Okay, scratch that, she was obviously still a dick. After all, the food wasn't _that_ good as to giver her a chance.

"You don't need angel hearing for that," complained Sam.

"You heard us having intercourse," stated Cas, "I apologize."

"I'm not complaining," answered the woman.

"I am," said Sam.

"Anyway," she said turning around with a blush on her face, adding the last pancakes on the table. "I've gathered all the ingredients for the spell, and got some fast food for when Death arrives."

"What's gonna take?" asked Sam.

"Nothing. It's just mixing the ingredients in the right order, drawing a circle and one of you has to say the words," explained Eugenia.

"'One of you'," repeated Cas. "You can't say the spell?" Cas questioned her with honest curiosity.

"No, the spell only works with humans, and I'm half-angel," she said. "I can't perform it."

"How convenient," exclaimed Dean.

"Dean, you don't trust her, we get it, I do. Move on, it's getting old already," argued Sam.

"Yeah, I don't need a constant reminder, having a blade pressed to me twice is freaking enough, thank you," her tone was dry, but her eyes were soft when she looked at Sam in gratitude for the support. "Well, just tell me when you're ready."

They continued eating in silence. Dean was set to remain angry the rest of the day, but when he got hold of Cas' eyes, he remembered why he shouldn't. This may be his last moments with Cas. Today he might get his Grace back and decide that the hunter wasn't enough for him. So he should cherish these last moments with Cas, right? Because of that, he didn't care what would others think about it -even himself-, he grabbed Cas' hand.

Even though he was practically lost in those blue eyes that still stared back at him after a month with something akin to awe, he noticed Eugenia's immediate smile.

And just because he knew that she would get it, he said without looking at her. "Shut up, Becky."

"Hey, low blow, dude!" complained Eugenia.

.

It had been three hours, going on four, since they had set the spell and Dean had read the words -because after the trials he wouldn't let Sam read any other spell. The circle on the floor had shone, but that had been it.

"Are you sure we prepared the spell correctly?" inquired Cas.

"I think so, the ingredients were the right ones, the words were pronounced well. I don't know," sighed Eugenia. "He's supposed to come when he wants to... _If_ he wants to."

"But it's been over three hours, how long is he going to take?" huffed Dean.

"You are too impatient for someone barely bigger than a bacteria," said a slow voice from behind the hunter's back.

Dean turned around with terror. "S-Sorry, Your Highness. I-I didn't- know-"

"Save your apologies, Dean," said Death walking towards the table where the burger with fries -still warm wants to Eugenia's mojo- was set for him. "You summoned me here to ask something from me, am I correct?

"Y-Yes, sir," said Eugenia more bravely than how she truly felt.

"Interesting," commented Death looking at Eugenia. "It's compelling to see the face God will have the day I finally reap him."

A heavy silence set on the room. The woman's face had gone white and all three hunters were looking at her with weary expressions. Death let the air got thicker a while more, before speaking towards Dean and Cas. "Incidentally, congratulations on the new status of your relationship. It took you both long enough to... catch up to the plan."

"H-How?" stammered the hunter.

"Bacterias, Dean, bacterias, remember?" answered the former horsemen rolling his eyes.

"Thank you," Cas said cordially. "We summoned you to ask for your help," he communicated.

Despite the lack of angel powers that would allow him to protect the Winchesters, Castiel felt like it was his responsibility to speak with Death. Should they anger him, better let his wrath fall on him than on the boys. But angel mojo was useless against Death, and the Winchesters had faced worse.

"We- we were wondering... if you could take us to Heaven," Sam asked nervously moving his hands awkwardly on the air on an attempt to explain himself.

"And why would you require me to do such a thing," wondered Death.

"Because I don't know if you heard, ma- I mean, Your Highness, but an angel named Metatron expelled all the angels from Heaven and- and he's locked up up there and we'd like to restore a bit of balance," said Dean trying to be respectful.

"Oh, I found out about the angels. After all I did have to pick several fallen angels. Most of them didn't have kind words to any of you," he said looking at the three men in the room. "Save for one," said Death turning exclusively to Cas, "she said she was sorry for what she's done to you and that whenever the time comes she would help in Heaven."

"That's gr-" Sam begun saying, along hopeful looks from the other people at the Bunker, before he was interrupted by the powerful being in the room.

"However, I cannot help you in that regard, nor can I take you to Heaven. The only way you could go to Heaven is the old fashioned way. And we all know that it is not your time yet."

"But wh-?" Dean asked dismayed.

"Because I already made an arrangement and a promise to an old friend," explained Death.

"So you won't-" begun Dean and didn't even bother to finish the question.

"No, I won't," answered the ancient being.

"So you won't help us at all?" asked Cas, dashed hope was in his voice because he had wanted, that for once, he would be able to help his people. And atone for his offenses against them.

Death took the last slurps of his drink, and with a tiny glint of amusement -or as mush as he could ever show, that in reality, that was next to nothing- he answered.

"Oh, I'm going to help you," he said, "but the you isn't in plural," very slowly he tilted his head towards Eugenia, with a spark that some may confuse with curiosity. "You had a personal reason to summon me. Speak."

The three males first stared dumbstruck at the woman. When they reacted, Sam and Cas felt betrayed. It took a second more for Dean to react, and when he did, he exploded in anger.

"You fucker!" he screamed charging towards her.

"Oh, allow me to get us some privacy," said Death. He raised a bit his cane with his two hands and knocked the floor once.

Eugenia and Death vanished instantly.

"That bitch! I'm gonna kill her when I see her!"

"Where did they go?" Sam asked confused moving his head in every direction, as if he expected to see the half-angel and the former horseman hiding behind a cupboard.

"I don't care! But I'm so gonna kill her!" Dean continued shouting angrily.

"Dean, stop," Cas commanded him.

The hunter stopped half-way through a breath, just before going into another anger fit and looked at Cas. Those blue eyes pinned him down, and the mere fact that Cas was still at his side soothe him. He wasn't going to leave him, not yet.

He released the remaining of his breath and spoke. "I'm still gonna kill her though."

"Dean," Cas warned him, but there was no harshness in his voice.

.

It had been no longer than five minutes when Eugenia appeared out of thin air. She seemed to be in some kind of shock, and it wasn't until Sam grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her that she came a bit out of her stupor.

"Hey, you okay?" asked the tall hunter. Eugenia nodded absentmindedly. "You have some explaining to do then," he said kindly but still not leaving any room for a refusal. He let her go.

"I- I wanted some answers," she said barely above a whisper, her mind half-way between there and far away.

"You fucking used us," snapped Dean, his tone a lot less angry than it should have been thanks to Cas calming him down earlier.

"Hey, I didn't know Death was going to refuse," Eugenia tried to defend herself.

"You still fucking used us," stated the hunter.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Cas asked her.

"I was afraid," confessed Eugenia, "that you wouldn't let me."

"Hey, I'm not such a dick, you know?" Dean huffed.

"I know," whispered Eugenia with a sigh.

"What did you ask?" Sam approached her with concern.

Eugenia raised her head and stared at Sam directly into his eyes. Her eyes pleaded silently for some kind of comfort that she seemed to not be able to find. "When God is going to claim my body," she said.

"Hey, hey," Sam lulled her, "this is us you are talking to. We have a track record of not being the vessels that they'd have liked us to be."

"We'll help you," agreed Cas. Even Dean nodded.

Eugenia's eyes filled with tears.

"Any other supernatural being and I'd believe you," she cried, "but this is God we are talking about. Do you think he even needs my consent? Consent is a formality."

"We'll find the way," Sam reassured her.

"Of course we'll do. We are the Winchesters," huffed Dean.

"No, stop it. Don't you see it?" she cried. "I was raised into being who I am! All he has to do is push the right buttons. And he knows what those buttons are because he bloody set me this way! I was raised like a damn lab rat!"

And the irony that she had been studying molecular biology and using lab rats didn't escape her.

"It doesn't have to be that way," asserted Cas.

"You truly think it is that easy? I know how you train a lab rat. You give them enough of a certain stimulus and they'll react how you want to, until the response is engrained in them! And what do you think he did? Why do you think I had so much superhero stuff thrown at me since I was a toddler? I wanted to save the world since I was six years old!" she shouted. Then, the air seemed to be missing from her lungs, and with a low breath she spoke. "All he has to is hurt you or Garth, or send the world to shit, and I'll even beg him to come if it means a chance of things getting better."

"Hey, I might not like you, but it doesn't mean that you are not worth it. Don't give yourself away," Dean told her, seeing himself reflected on her. And a part of him understood how others saw him and how he saw himself.

Eugenia gave him a sad smile. "You think I don't know it? I know I deserve a happy ending, but... The good of the many outweighs the good of the few, or the one, right?"

"Eugenia, don't," said Sam with a few tears shining in his eyes.

"Too late," she said and with a flutter of wings she was gone.

"Well, that was dramatic," commented Den trying to cut the tension left in the air.

Sam just stared at him, before leaving to his room. With a hand on his waist, Cas guided Dean towards their bedroom. The familiar sensation of the weight of trying to change an impossible fate over their shoulders made him want to be closer to the man that taught him that destiny could be changed. And Dean needed it too. The warmth of Cas' body pressed to his under the sheets, calmed him down as anything else could not.

Unbeknown to the boys or Eugenia, Garth freed an innocent soul from Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so as always it was hard to write a chapter with Eugenia in it. She's a dangerous character as she can easily fall down into the lines of Mary Sue, and I don't want that. I also grow tired about how to write her relationship with Dean. At first, when I created I hadn't meant it like that but then it happened so... Anyway, it has a bit of a point, you know the fact that she gets along with one brother but no the other and stuff like that. I don't know if I'll be able to include in later chapters, if not I'll explain it later in the notes.  
> I still hope you like Eugenia, and don't worry anyway she only appears in two chapters more. Very briefly in the next one, and in the 14th, where she does has an important role but I won't talk about it anymore here.  
> And well, I gotta admit that the sex scene came out of nowhere, as it wasn't included at first when I had my brief idea of what this chapter was going to be about. But then, it fit. You'll understand later but this sex scene has a bit of foreshadowing to later events and...  
> But then again, smut. Smut happens.  
> And things right now, are still kinda happy. Our Team Free Will is kinda of better than what they were when Dean was in a hotel killing little girls. But I guess, that just as things get worse before getting better... things get better before getting-- you know.  
> Anyway, thanks for your extreme patience.  
> Really.  
> I really hope that I won't take so much with the next chapter.  
> Oh and yes, now you can guess what next chapter is going to be about.


	11. Dust in the Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, first of all, I don't know why, AO3 didn't let me know of your comments.  
> Secondly. thank you very much for your patience.  
> Warnings: Canon character death.

The silence of the night was broken only by Garth's labored breath and the not-so-distant screams of the demons chasing his tail. Word had gotten out and now every demon in the nearby area was after him. A big coughing fit got hold of the hunter, bending him over. His vision was getting dizzy but he knew that he couldn't stop. Using the last of his strengths he got up and continued running. The demons where close now and couldn't afford that.

He stampeded through the door of the abandoned church that had become his headquarters. He threw some more salt to reinforce the line that had been weakened by his coming through. Garth had barely finished salting the door when he fell to the floor. He was safe for now, so maybe he could rest a bit. Just a few seconds, nothing more.

"You're not going to make it," said the demon that he had captured and chained to a chair. "You're going to die before you finish."

He's right, thought Garth through the fog of his fever, but nothing is lost in trying, isn't it?

And with that last glimmer of optimism, he fainted. He remained lying on the church's floor. No one was there to take care of him.

.

They were in a motel room in Norfolk, Nebraska. Two motel rooms actually, upon Sam's insistence, Dean had complained for budget reasons and "Come on, Sammy! We're not bunnies, we know how to control ourselves." But Sam had won. Later Dean was pretty much thankful for it. There had been a werewolf case and everything had turned out fine mostly until the creature had jumped over Sam. Before Dean could react, Cas had drew out his own gun -chosen specifically for this case with silver bullets incorporated- and with a cold and calculating expression had shot the werewolf in its head with perfect aim. After over four months as a human Cas had reached again that level of perfection with his aim that made him Castiel.

Dean had stayed gaping at him like an idiot for several seconds, because though he knew that he shouldn't like the sight of Cas with guns -too reminiscent of a future he still was trying to avoid-, man, it was hot. After making sure his brother was fine, he had driven back to the motel room as fast as he could. He hadn't said anything about how he had changed his opinion about having two motel rooms. But much to his mortification, Sam could have a pretty good guess considering what he'd heard through the thin walls of the motel.

"Guys," Sam called them knocking at their door, his laptop in hand, "You awake?"

"Yes," groaned Dean.

"You have your clothes on?" asked Sam.

Before Dean could complain once more to his brother that they were not in fact bunnies, Cas said, "Just allow me to take my lips from your brother's dick."

When Dean opened the door bursting in laughter he found that Sam was red as a tomato. After checking that there was no fellatio going on, Sam spoke. "You're a bad influence on him, Dean."

"He's just learning from the best," said Dean. Cas was sitting innocently in the bed, nothing betraying his expression save for the small smirk curving his lips.

"So get this, this place has been reeking of demon omens for the last six hours," said Sam setting his laptop on the nearby table, and showing them the different sites he'd been surfing through.

"Brandon, South Dakota," read Cas.

"Shit," cursed Dean, "that's close to Jody's."

"I've already called her," Sam told them. "She's fine and she hasn't seen anything strange in Sioux Falls so far. But she says she'll keep an eye in there and in Brandon until we arrive."

"Awesome," deadpanned Dean. "Come on. Let's go," he ordered getting up and pulling Cas' shoulder so they could pack their bags. "See you in ten at the Impala."

.

"Nice to see you guys after so long," Jody greeted them when they parked for once in front of an hotel which the sheriff had given them the address.

"Nice to see you too," said Sam hugging her.

"Are you still growing, boy? Just determined to make an old lady like me feel small?" Jody teased him, petting him on the shoulder after they drew apart.

"That's because the Sasquatch keeps eating his vegetables," commented Dean while it was his turn to hug Jody.

When they drew apart, the woman stared at the hunter for a while. She was trying to decipher, in the way only a mother could, what had changed in Dean. She gave up when she realized couldn't figure out if the changes were for good or for worse or both. She broke the moment.

"'s nice to meet you," she said to Castiel. "Heard a lot about you."

"I've heard a lot about you too," said Cas shaking her hand warmly.

"All good I hope," and then Jody turned to Dean with a big grin on her face. "So, congratulations, right?"

Dean froze. "W-who- How-?" he babbled.

"Sam told me," explained the sheriff.

The hunter glared at his brother.

"Hey, it's not like it's a secret," Sam defended himself.

"Oh, you're such a school girl, bitch," Dean scoffed at him.

"You're the school girl over the moon for a guy, jerk," Sam rebutted.

Cas watched the exchange between the two brothers in silence. Jody shook her head. "Boys, boys," she scolded them, "I thought we were here on business." The brothers glared at each other a few seconds more, and then turned their attention back to Jody. "So demons, isn't it?"

"Sadly, it is," Sam sighed.

"We just need to find out where they are and what they want," said Dean.

"And send them back to Hell," added Cas.

"And send them back to Hell," repeated Dean, some tiredness etched in his voice.

So Jody briefed them on all the missing cases of the nearby towns and Brandon. She told them of the most weird cases they got going at the Brandon's police office, for once they didn't had to sneak their way in and they could get first hand information. They wondered what demons could want in such a small and uninteresting town. They didn't had much to go on, but they decided on interviewing the few leads they've got, the most recent missing person cases that seemed to point out to demon possession. Sam and Jody went to interview Kurt Logan's husband, while Dean and Cas went to interrogate the daughter of Miriam Hurley.

.

Sam and Jody had left using the sheriff's car. They had just climbed into the Impala, when Cas confronted Dean.

"Are you ashamed of me or our relationship?" he asked, not one to beat it around the bush.

If Dean had been drinking something, he would have spitted it all.

"What?! No!" he said way too quickly and too defensively.

Cas' look told him that he couldn't get off the hook that easily. Don't screw it up, Winchester; thought Dean.

"No, Cas, I'm not ashamed of you... or us for that matter. It's just that-" how could he explain the intrinsics of the society they lived in to an angel that had took years of learning the concept of sarcasm even after being mostly in the Winchesters company. "You're the first guy that I'm with and... I mean, I've been told my whole life that there are certain things a guy doesn't do. And I- I know- that being with a guy doesn't make you any less of a man, but..." he sighed. "There's a difference between knowing and truly believing it, you know?" he hoped that that would be enough.

"I've been told, trained and created to not feel emotions, yet I'm not ashamed for what I feel for you," stated Cas, the harshness of his statement absent in his voice but more than implicit in his words.

"Then fucking congratulations to you, Cas!" exclaimed Dean hitting the wheel. "It's not the same, okay? You don't have society judging you and thinking that you're a pussy just because you like to take it up your ass!" he shouted in frustration.

"All my brothers and sisters think I'm a traitor for choosing you and humanity over them. Not even when I had my Grace, they thought I was worthy of being considered an angel for what I felt for you. They hate me and they want my head."

Cas' eyes bore into his soul and Dean just wanted to cry in frustration. But he didn't because he was a man, and that was the whole point, right?

"No, I- God, I don't deserve you. I don't-" the words got caught in his throat and he couldn't put his thoughts into sentences. Not without sounding like a jerk. "It just- This stuff is ingrained in me. I know, I shouldn't care but I do and- I'm working this stuff, okay?" he sighed and stared deep into those blue eyes. "You deserve way better than me."

There was a shift in Cas' eyes and the next thing Dean felt was Cas' hand at the back of his neck and lips against his. The kiss was deep and soft, full of emotion and reassurance. Dean moaned into the kiss when their tongues brushed together. Soon he was holding to the sides of Cas' head afraid to let go.

"Cas..." he breathed debauched when they drew apart.

"You're everything I ever want, Dean," said Cas staring deep into those green eyes. "And more than what I deserve already."

"Cas, don't," Dean whispered and all he could do was kiss Cas again because words had never been his fort.

It wasn't long until he was straddling Cas, his hips moving on their own, bringing sweet friction between them.

"You know," whispered Cas against his ear, "we never had sex in the Impala yet."

Dean whimpered. Flash images of all the positions that he would like to try with Cas in the Impala came to his mind and he couldn't settle with one. Using the distraction, Cas turned them around, Dean's legs around his waist. He rolled his hips deliberately to elicit moans out of Dean.

Cas was turning into such an expert when it came to sex. He knew exactly what to do, where to caress, what to say to bring Dean apart. Maybe it was because after thousands of year as a virgin he had discovered the wonders of sex and was marveled with it. Maybe it was because he was enthralled by Dean, and like the stubborn mule he was, he was set to learn every single corner of Dean's body and turn him into a moaning mess. Maybe it was both.

Whatever it was the result was still the same and Dean as achingly hard.

"We need to- the hunt-" stammered Dean, barely able to speak coherently with Cas kissing his neck.

"Thirty minutes top," breathed Cas with his voice lower than usual.

Dean was not hard to convince -or maybe he was too hard- as he was soon trying to get rid of Cas' shirt between kisses and moans. They stumbled to get undressed in the reduced space of the car, and somehow they found themselves naked in the backseat of the Impala, Cas holding the bottle of lube and two condoms in his hand. It wouldn't do for Dean to do the interrogations with come dripping out of his ass -though the idea was tempting- and smashed all over his stomach.

"If we weren't so short of time," chuckled Cas, he watched as Dean put the condom in him and stroked himself a few times while he waited for the fallen angel to settle between his legs.

The dark tone full of promises sent a shiver down Dean's spine. His angel's eyes were dilated with lust and a mischievous spark run through them when he grabbed his hips. Strong hands raised his ass from the edge of the seat into the air. Before he would even whelp in surprise, Cas was licking his rim so when he did whelp, he whelped for a complete different reason. The fallen angel alternated between teasing the sides of his puckered hole and eating him out.

"Cas, Cas..." Dean moaned brokenly. This time he didn't had sheets to hold onto. All he had now were strands of dark hair and leather that wouldn't budge under his clumsy hands.

Dean cried out when Cas' tongue finally entered him. The feeling of being stretched open was always to much for Dean, but the fact that it was Cas' tongue made it hotter. It felt like an special kind of intimacy that Cas would want to kiss and suck his most private part. He felt too good to be ashamed when he whimpered when Cas removed himself from his ass.

"You're so addictive," Cas said softly hovering over Dean and kissing him, so the hunter could taste himself in his mouth.

A lubed finger entered him and Dean gasped at the burn. It moved fast inside him, and he moaned wantonly at it, clinging to Cas' for dear life. By the time, Cas had three fingers in, Dean was downright begging him to fuck him. Nothing drove Dean as desperate as a good rimming as foreplay.

"Please Cas. Fuck me now. Fuck," he needed more, so much more.

Cas first penetrated him with a deep stare while he rolled the condom over his dick. Without tearing his eyes from Dean, Cas pushed into him in one move. It burned but the feeling of fullness compensated for it. His nails were scratching new marks on Cas' back, but the fallen angel didn't care. He was too focused on not starting to thrust wildly and selfishly into the tight heat surrounding him.

"Move," implored Dean when he got used to the presence inside him.

Cas complied immediately because he was barely holding it together. At the beginning, he tried to go slow but soon the pace had become brutal. Cas was growing more and more addicted to the moans and groans coming out of Dean's mouth, addicted to the fact that it was him who could make his precious hunter let go so much. He tried to hit on Dean's prostate as many times as it was humanly possible to him. He kissed and sucked Dean's neck, Dean's face, Dean's lips. Dean. Dean.

"Dean, Dean, Dean," he said out load.

He stared at those green eyes that still reflected that beautiful soul and he was getting close.

And Dean was getting close too, overwhelmed by the love shinning in those deep blue eyes. This was home, this felt right. His angel inside him, around him. Both of them together trying to fuse into one. This was where he belonged.

"Cas," cried Dean.

He understood what his hunter needed, so he begun to jerk him off. He watched avidly how Dean felt apart until he came shouting his name over and over again, eventually fading into a whisper.

"Dean," and the name was a broken prayer on Cas' lips as he came too.

.

They were still recovering their breaths, when Dean's phone started ringing. He wanted to let it go to voicemail, but this was his brother calling during a case, so he better pick up.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, Jody and I found a lead," said Sam. "Are you done interrogating Miriam's daughter?"

"Hmm... We still hadn't got to it," answered Dean unable to find a proper excuse.

"How lon-" but Sam stopped abruptly when he did the math. "You guys are bunnies," and Dean could practically hear the bitchface through the phone.

"So you said you got a lead?" asked Dean trying to divert his brother's attention from his sex life.

"Yeah," Sam affirmed, also glad at the chance to change topic. "The conversation with Logan was a dead end, so we went to the police station. Jody found a report that someone made a few minutes ago about strange noises they heard in an abandoned church on the outsides of Brandon. It's worth checking out."

"You owe me!" Dean heard Jody shout to the phone.

"Yeah, yeah, tell Jody that we'll take her out to dinner later," answered Dean.

"She said that she'll hold you to it," Sam sighed. "Sadly, you now have to come to pick me up so we can all go to that church."

"Go with Jody," Dean suggested disdainfully.

"She can't go," his brother told him, "she has to go back to her station."

"Sorry, boys!" Jody shouted once more. "If you're still at it tomorrow I'll help you! But I have to go back for today."

"It's okay, Jody, don't worry," said Dean. He waited until he was sure his brother was back on the phone. "So wait there. We'll be there in fifteen minutes."

.

They had said goodbye to Jody with the mandatory hugs. Dean had promised over and over again that they would indeed take her to dinner. Cas and Sam had to promise her also that they would make sure that Dean would choose a nice restaurant for the four of them. Then, the youngest hunter was only convinced to travel in the Impala once they had swore to him that the passenger seat had not been victim of any devious activity.

When the bullets had impacted the Impala, perforating the metal and shattering the windows into a thousand pieces, it was only Dean's superior driving skills that stopped them from crashing and spinning into the roadside.

"What the fuck?" Dean exclaimed angrily, "Sam? Cas? You fine?" he asked with his back curved trying to hide most of his body behind the metal of the Impala, but in a way he could still see the road.

"Yea, yeah, I'm fine," answered Sam.

"No apparent wounds," informed Cas.

When he peeked out again to the sides of the road, Dean saw about a dozen persons surrounding them. A single one was standing in the middle of the road.

"So the Winchesters are in the middle of it as always," the guy that was talking was far away, and as night was closing in, his face was covered in shadows. But Dean had enough training to recognize the black eyes of a demon even in the distance. "Why am I not surprised?" said the demon.

"Okay, this is going to turn into a damn GTA," Dean announced.

He pressed the accelerator and went forward with his car. When the demon hit the hood of the car, he winced for the damage his baby was sustaining and all the repairs that she would have to endure.

"The church," said Sam.

"What? You want to confess or something now?" asked Dean.

"No," Sam pointed, "either the demons are protecting something there or they want to get in there for some reason."

"We need to get there, nevertheless," added Cas.

Dean parked the Impala right in front of the church's door to give them some cover from the demons -as well as a fast escape in case the church was extremely crowded with demons-. Despite the rush, it didn't escape to his senses the old van parked a few meters away. One thing was sure, they had company.

In cue, when they were about to kick down the doors, they opened and Garth's face welcomed them.

"I was hoping you guys didn't find out," he said while he stepped aside so the three man could come in. He closed the door after them and turned to face them. "You are Castiel, right?" The ex-angel nodded. "Nice to finally meet you," he said and proceeded to hug Cas.

Garth's eyes were closed, welcoming the warmth, and his smile, though wide as always, had a certain sadness attached to it. Dean stared at Garth and payed attention to his aspect. He noticed the bags under the hunter's eyes and how the skin of his cheeks was sucked against his bones. He got worried about the gray color that adorned his face and that was accentuated by the dim light of the church. He then saw the demon chained to a chair in the middle of the church, and the marks on the demon's neck.

"Garth, what have you done?" his voice was slick with worry.

"What had to be done," shrugged Garth, stepping away from Cas.

Sam looked around and did the math.

"No," he mouthed.

"It's almost done now, anyway," said Garth.

"Garth, you don't have to this. You can stop it now, it's not late," Sam told him, almost as if he was begging him to stop. As he saw it, this was his responsibility, he was the one who started it in the first place and who didn't go through it.

"The doors of Hell have to be closed," stated Garth shrugging with a care-free attitude, as if he was talking about dishes having to be washed.

"And what turns it into your responsibility?" asked Cas who had never met Garth personally. But Dean had told him about the scatter brain hunter. And he knew how Dean was actually fond of him, though he'd never admit it.

"Why not?" said Garth, an edge of sadness appeared in his eyes. "It's not like I matter."

"No, Garth, you matter, believe me, you matter," Sam said, desperate for Garth to believe him, and to stop this madness.

"It's not like anyone needs me," and the true sadness that he had always carried inside him was now fully visible. "You guys have each other, Kevin left and is done being a prophet, Eugenia left too as soon as she was angeled up, and I have no friends. There's no one to miss me."

"We'll miss you, Garth," said Dean, scare to lose yet another friend. This was his fault, he had stopped Sam, he had made the selfish choice. It seemed that no matter what, he would end up losing someone for the cause. "You're my friend."

Garth's smile to Dean was warm. "You'll get over it," he said softly.

"Besides," he added after a while, "I've made it alive this far because of sheer luck. Well, and my mum." When he saw the question forming in the Winchesters' eyes, he continued. "She was a hunter I was seventeen when he ran into yellow-eyed demon's business. Mum traded her soul for me to be safe..." he trailed off. "She's in Heaven now," he added with a smile.

The demon groaned in the chair, Garth checked his watch.

"It's time for another shot," he said.

.

Sam had called Eugenia in the meantime, he wanted her to come to help them convince Garth to avoid committing an insanity. She was in Peru, but she had swore that she would fly her wings off to get there. Sam hoped that she made before it was too late.

The time for the last shot was up.

"What have I done?" implored to know the demon, "What kind of monster I am?"

"I won't let you do this," Dean threatened him, his voice slow and heavy with the warning.

"What will you do, Dean? Tie me down?" asked Garth tiredly.

"If I have to," Dean said angrily.

"Garth, please, don't do this," begged Sam. "You deserve way better, please."

"Somebody has to do it," Garth simply stated.

"It doesn't have to be you," said Sam.

"Why not?" asked Garth, grabbing the syringe with his blood.

"We can find another way," offered Cas.

"This is a way," answered the hunter walking towards the demon.

The demon offered his neck for the shot, seeking to be human again, and maybe, a way towards forgiveness too.

Dean had slowly sneaked behind Garth. Using to his advantage that the hunter was distracted while he attempted to give the demon the blood shot, he was about to raise the hand that held his gun to hit Garth in the head with it and knock him out. However, Cas held his arm, gently, but hard enough that he wouldn't let him move it without a bit of a fight that would alert Garth.

The window of opportunity was over then. Garth smiled one last time to Sam, then turned around to direct his smile to the other two. He then injected the blood to the demon and covered it with his hand that he had previously cut. He looked away and said the final words that sealed the spell.

Screams were heard outside, and something alike thunder was heard. Every demon was sucked back to Hell, and the Gates were closed behind them.

On the floor of the church, Garth lied lifeless.

"What have I done? What have I done?" cried the demon now turned human. Dean tore apart his eyes from Garth's body and looked up slowly towards the ex-demon. His eyes were cold, filled with anger and hurt. "Is there anyway that I can seek redemption?" the ex-demon asked looking back at the hunter with desperation.

"Yes."

Dean aimed his gun at the ex-demon's head and shot.

And just like that, with the death of a friend and the seal of a bullet, all the cracks in Dean's soul that had been repaired in the last months reappeared. He had become once more a man without hope.

Dean turned his cold stare towards Cas.

"Why did you stop me?" When Cas didn't answer immediately, he repeated himself. "Why. Did. You. Stop. Me? Why didn't you let me knock Garth out?"

"It was his decision," answered Cas.

"'It was his decision,' says the little puppet from Heaven. Like you didn't manipulate enough people's lives. I don't remember you caring so much about people's decisions when you opened the door to Sam so he could free Lucifer, or when you went all God-like," Dean said with so much poison in his every word.

"How dare you?" Cas' voice didn't raise, just slowed down with anger. "After everything I've done to redeem myself, after everything we've been through, after everything I've done for you, do you still think of me in such fashion?"

"You shouldn't have left Heaven," spitted Dean.

"Guys..." Sam called them, there were tear tracks on his face.

"We have things to take care of," said Cas.

There was poison in the looks he send to Dean. He understood the hurt and anger that the hunter felt. But there was a big difference between understanding and knowing. Knowing that Dean still resented things he long thought to be closed hurt. He had barely known the man named Garth, but he was sorry for his death. Despite not being an angel anymore, and so having lost the capacity to see people's souls, he had gotten good at noticing them in a person's eyes. And he had seen that Garth had a gentle soul. Most importantly, he had been Dean and Sam's friend, one of the few who had been still alive. But after screwing it up for so long, he had learned to respect people's choices. A lesson that Dean still had to learn.

Dean ignored his boyfriend when he bent down to pick up Garth's body. Anger was easier than sorrow.

.

Eugenia arrived when Dean was carrying Garth's body across the doors of the church. She helped to prepare the hunter's funeral in silence. She did not spoke when Dean threw disdainful comments at her, nor when the flames started to consume her friend's body. It wasn't until the fire was starting to die, that she finally spoke.

"It's my fault," she confessed, and before Sam could tell her that she shouldn't blame herself, she continued. "I was the one who told him how to do the trials. I didn't thought there was any risk. I told him everything about the show, how it had started and how last season had ended. Everything. I mean, I was just new at this and I just wanted to know that I hadn't imagined it all back then. I just needed him to listen and-"

"But you weren't there when he needed you," Dean interrupted her sharply.

"I know," sighed Eugenia.

"What were you doing in Peru?" Dean demanded to know.

"I was on my way to- It doesn't matter now. I found the answers I was looking for."

"What answers?" Dean continued to press her to speak. He wanted her to find her guilty not just of Garth's death, but also of his fight with Cas, and of every damn thing that was wrong in his life.

"The answers don't matter when you don't even care about the questions," sentenced Eugenia, and she didn't speak again for the rest of the night.

Dean was about to say something more but the look that Cas sent his way made the words die on his mouth. Maybe because he didn't want to make things worse with his boyfriend, maybe because he was tired of fighting, or maybe because he just wanted to mourn his friend in peace. He said no more.

When the last flame finally died and there were only ashes where Garth had been, the three men left. Eugenia stayed, standing in front of the rest of the pyre.

Sam sat on the passenger's seat. Inside the car, neither Cas nor Dean said a word to each other, which considering how angry at each other they still were, Sam thought it was for the best. When they drove past Sioux Falls, Sam said nothing.

Jody never got her promised dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BLOODY EDIT: So I was just re reading chapter 3 after a few minutes of posting this chapter, and I remembered that Garth had already met Cas in chapter 3. Therefore I have a continuity mistake, so if you read this before I get to correct it just think that Garth got to hug Cas first and that's it. Keep in mind that I wrote chapter 3 like a year ago. I'm allowed to forget somethings. *insert gif of Gabe saying that he hates continuity errors*   
> Okay, so this is truly the end of the happy times. No, it isn't the end of the smut (there's still a bit more in store) but yes of the happy times. Things are definitely wrong from here on. Again, this sex scene appeared out of nowhere, but suddenly it was there and again, it fit. Up to this point Dean was still talktive, wanting to do things right. Is was something that I had to acknowledge. Dean had grown during season 8, I destroyed him a bit during this fic, but he was temporary fixed after he started beign with Cas. But all that has been destroyed now.  
> Jody wasn't meant to appear in this fic. But again, suddenly she was in. And I must admit, that when she came out of the story I sighed in relief. I like her, so I'm glad she's out because that means I can't kill her (or so I hope).  
> Now, Garth. When I pictured Garth in this fic, over a year ago, I pictured him with this in mind: "The happiest people are also the saddest." And maybe, I'm just projecting but I always had this feeling of Garth. Now, while I was writing the handwritten version of this chapter Robin Williams killed himself, reinforcing what I thought. So, Robin, this episode is dedicated to you, thank you for so many laughs.  
> I tried to approach this from the point of view that Garth's depression finally won over him. He's tired from fighting every day to see the bright side so he gives up. In a way, he's comitting suicide. He's sacrificing himself for the greater good, but he's still killing himself. I hope I represented it well. (I'm not tagging it as suicide, but if you think I should, let me know).  
> So now, there are only four chapters left. So it means that it's the beggining of the end. This goes very much into a four-chapter ending. All this 11 chapters have been leading to Endverse, and in the next chapter, the Endverse begins.


	12. Carry on my wayward son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a horrible person for not updating in so long and I deeply apologize. Good news, next chapter won't take so long because it's already written.
> 
> Warnings: Homophobia and child abuse. Not a John Winchester friendly chapter, [ click here for spoilers](http://angelsarewatchingoveryoudean.tumblr.com/post/119141531095/spoilers).

Cas' hands roamed over his body. They went through his back to his arms, to his chest, where Cas' teased his nipples. He swallowed down the whine that had threatened to escape his lips when Cas skipped his aching dick to start caressing his tights. But his instructions had been clear.

"Don't move," Cas had ordered, and he intended to obey.

So all he could do was clutch to the sheets that slid between his fingers while he endured the slow and torturous assault of Cas' hands on all fours. The slow pace with nothing strictly sexual was easier to tolerate when it came to the ex-angel, years of the angelic training and having "no emotions" helped him to be able to tease Dean while still sustaining a pretty hard erection. Dean, however, couldn't help it when Cas finally inserted a lubed finger past his rim, to shove back against it.

"I said 'Don't move'," Cas reprimanded him withdrawing his finger and holding his hips still. "Will you behave, Dean?"

"Y-yes," he complied in a broken cry.

"Good," said Cas and inserted his finger again, moving it in and out of Dean's ass.

Dean had to hold out more moans. He needed this. He needed Cas to be inside him, he needed him over him and to hold him down while he fucked into him. He needed it. Since Garth's death he had become nothing more than a shell of a man, and he had given up on everything. He had given up on trying to distinguish between the different shades of gray, and it was all black and white now. If they found a monster, then he killed it no matter what. This brought discussions with Sam, who didn't agree on his view of the world. Eventually, Dean had given up on his relationship with Sammy too.

He had also given up on hope. There was no room for it. Not since he saw the news. There were fucking Croats roaming again and the Croatoan virus was on the loose. Oh, people didn't know it yet. They thought it was just a disease, a psychiatric condition. But he knew better, and he could see the truth. All his worse fears had become true, all he had to do was to hold on tight and endure the ride while it lasted. So there was no point in holding onto anything save this. He couldn't lose this. He couldn't lose Cas. He had lost him many times before and he couldn't stand it once again. He'd hold on to Cas until the very end.

Cas was already three fingers inside him, but he was in no way fully prepared but he didn't care.

"Now, Cas, please." He wanted it this way. He wanted it to hurt and he wanted it rough. A reminder that he was having something that he didn't deserve.

Cas didn't want to enter Dean yet. He missed making love to Dean instead of just fucking. But since they fight after Garth's death this was all he was getting. And he would always just take whatever Dean was willing to give him. The first week after their fight had been hard. Dean had kicked him out out of his bedroom and he had more than happily agreed to go back to his old room. They had barely talked to each other during that week. Sam had tried to shake things up a bit by bringing easy salt-and-burn cases. But things remained the same, even after the ghosts were gone.

It had been the night after watching the news and seeing how the Croatoan virus was taking place once again. He had been alone in his room, getting ready to sleep, when Dean had entered his room. Without uttering a single word he had walked in and kissed him hard. Dean had undressed him, and then he had ended up on his back with the hunter riding him. Dean had cried after they both came, and they had held each other for a while. Then without saying a word Dean had left and gone back to his room leaving a confused and unsatisfied Cas behind.

The next day, Dean had kissed him as soon as they were alone and they had ended up fucking against one of the washing machines. And just like that, everything had returned to normal and Cas had gone back to sleep with Dean. Except that it was not the same. Dean wouldn't hold his look for more than a few seconds, they didn't kiss goodnight and they didn't hold hands while watching TV anymore.

Cas was left with a void inside of him. A void that he was desperate to fill and didn't know how. Because this fucking wasn't enough, but it was what Dean wanted, so he would comply.

"Cas!" screamed Dean in pain and pleasure when Cas entered him in one single thrust.

Dean didn't bother to hold back the moans this time when Cas started moving, pounding mercilessly into him. He didn't even had to push back, as the fallen angel was firmly holding his hips and moving them to match every single one of his thrusts.

Cas tried to lose himself in the tight familiar heat that surrounded him and to fill his void with the gasps and moans that came out of Dean's mouth every time he hit his prostate. But it was not nearly enough. So he grabbed Dean by his chest and he pushed him until the hunter's back was against his own chest. He teased Dean's right nipple while he sucked a hickey on the left side of his neck.

Meanwhile, Dean had let his head fall back against Cas' shoulder, overwhelmed by the ecstasy. The new position allowed Cas' dick to be in a constant contact with his prostate, and each thrust had him gasping and moaning. He threw an arm back to hold on to one of Cas' tights, while the other grabbed his neck. He was in for a whole ride.

They were both too into it, their skins too hot to notice the sudden drop of temperature. All they cared about was the slick slide of their bodies together. And the angry yet distant shout of "Dean!" that reverberated in the room was lost to the constant stream of "Dean, Dean," that fell from Cas' mouth like a prayer.

The temperature rose again and the moment went unnoticed.

"Cas, Cas, I'm close," begged Dean his voice was horse and repeatedly broken by moans.

"I've got you, I've got you," whispered Cas while one of his hands went down to stroke Dean's cock.

The moan that Dean emitted evolved into a scream and he began babbling a litany of incoherent words. Lost in pleasure as he was, with his self-hatred being buried deeper with each of Cas' thrusts, all he needed was to be closer to the fallen angel. He didn't care anymore if it was something he didn't deserve, all he cared about was the want coursing through his veins. So he turned his head, and using the hand on Cas' neck, he pushed him in for a kiss.

It was the kiss what made it for Cas. The desperation and need for closeness that he could taste in Dean's mouth. It told him that the hunter still cared. It wasn't nearly enough, but for the moment it would do. Somehow, Cas was able to continue the kiss even as he came.

Dean didn't stand a chance. The grip that Cas was having on his dick became tighter, and after a few more strokes, he came with a shout.

They stayed in the same position for a while, panting while they recovered their breaths. When he felt like he could move again, Dean disentangled himself from Cas and went to grab the paper tissues from his night from his nightstand. He cleaned the come from his stomach and the one that had started dripping from his ass. He offered a couple of tissues to Cas so he could clean his duck and turned off the light. Without uttering a word, he positioned himself better on the bed and covered his naked body with the sheets.

At his side, Cas tucked himself in bed silently and turned off his light too. Dean turned his back towards the fallen angel and Cas had to contain the sigh. There was no more cuddling, no more sleeping together hugged to each other, no more sweet words or caresses and no more good-morning kisses. The void in Cas' chest swelled bigger. For the way that his breath constricted in his chest, he knew that he wouldn't make it for long without filling it with something. Anything.

.

Sam had woken up early to do his daily-run. However, he was only human and he couldn't function properly with at least some coffee in him first. So with his hair still a mess -he hadn't even bothered to run his hands through it- and his eyes still half-closed, he went to the kitchen to brew some coffee.

He first felt the drop of temperature in the cold coffee that touched his lips, he then felt it in his skin. His breath froze in puffs in front of his face while he stood up with all his hunter senses suddenly sharp.

"...brother..." came an angry voice in the air "...waste..."

Something was eery familiar to Sam about the voice.

"...should kill him..."

Okay, that was it. He sprinted towards Dean's room and didn't even bother on knocking. There would be time for the mind bleach later, they had quite a situation in their hands now.

"Dean!" he called him as he entered the room.

"Dude, what?" asked Dean. As soon as his brain cells started to work he checked that the sheets were in fact covering him. "What's your problem with knocking?"

"No time. There's a ghost in the Bunker, Dean," Sam rushed to say.

"It doesn't make sense," said Cas, his face barely visible between the sheets and with a serious case of bed-hair. "The place is warded against ghosts. A ghost can't get in, and the only way for there to be one is for them to have died inside the Bunker or for us to gave brought in an object to which a ghost is attached to."

"Well, tell that to the ghost in the kitchen," said Sam.

"Isn't that great," Dean exclaimed angrily, the one safe place they had and it was haunted.

"Dean," Sam called him, "the ghost spoke, he sounded like-" but the hunter couldn't finish the sentence, the idea was too far-fetched.

"Turn around if you don't want to be mentally scarred for life," Dean ordered to his brother.

"A bit late for that," commented Sam, but turned around nevertheless to give some privacy to Dean and Cas to get dressed.

"What's a friggin' ghost doing in here anyway?" Dean asked while he zipped up his jeans.

"I don't know, we should check the death records," replied Sam.

"No, first we need to arm ourselves."

.

They had went to the garage where the Impala was parked to grab the salt shotguns from the truck and a couple of bags of rock salt. Then, with their guns hanging at their backs, they went to the Bunker's library to try to find something in the records as to who must have died in the Bunker to be haunting it now -despite it made no sense for the ghost to have remained quite for so long.

Cas had gotten separated from the brothers while he pulled out old leather books and checked them. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and before he had time to react, he was pushed against the shelves. Several books started falling over his head, one of them hit him with more force than that given by gravity. Before his consciousness started to slip off, he managed to scream Dean's name.

He heard a shot, and then worried hands were picking him up from the floor.

"Are you alright, Cas?" Dean asked concerned, a hand resting on the ex-angel's cheek.

Before Cas could answer a book hit Dean in the back.

"My son won't be a faggot!"

Dean turned around and briefly saw the figure that had appeared. It dissolved after Sam came with his shot gun and shot it.

"Dean, was that...?" Sam asked unbelieving.

"That was dad," Dean whispered as astonished as his brother. The surprise didn't let the words that John had shouted to truly sink in.

"...a disappointment!" John's ghost shouted in the distance where a shelve exploded and sent books flying in every direction.

"Dad calm down!" Sam shouted while he tried to aim his gun at his father's ghost.

"I didn't went to Hell so my son could turn into a damn sissy," said John reappearing a few meters in front of the boys. He was as they had last seen him alive, but his expression was angry, with a certain madness attached to it. His eyes were fixed on Dean.

"Dad..." the hunter exclaimed brokenly. His father's words reopening old wounds that he thought they had been long closed.

John moved fast, with that speed only a ghost had. He grabbed Dean by the neck, cutting his oxygen supply. "What are you going to do? Are you gonna start crying like the fucking pussy you are?" he said with a kick to Dean's stomach.

Dead did want to cry, but if it was for John's words re-enforcing what he had always felt or for the way that his lungs fought for air, he didn't know. An entire life of feeling like he wasn't enough and a lack of hope, made him think that maybe to die wouldn't be such a bad thing.

A single shot from Cas made John disappear.

"What a disgusting man," he commented.

"Dad's ghost is in the Bunker I don't know how, but we gotta get our of here," said Sam while kneeling down to to help Dean to get up.

"'ust ge' to the Impala," coughed Dean.

Dean wanted to drive but one stern look from Sam had him in the passenger seat with no more than a few complaints. He wanted to drive because it always helped him to clear his thoughts. This way John's words kept drilling his mind and mining what little self-esteem he had. He coughed in a poor attempt to fix the damage that his father's choking had produce into his airways. He knew ghosts after a while went mad but the fact that his father had tried to kill him wore him down.

His father had tried to kill kill him.

He was not stupid, he knew that John had never been the poster boy for father of the year. But he had never wanted to hurt him so badly as to having his life in the line. Not even when he was a kid and John would return to their motel room drunk and angry at life and had taken it out on Dean.

So now his father wanted to kill him? And for what? Just because he was with Cas? Because he had held on to the one good thing that had happened in his fucked up life? John could shove his disappointment right down his ass.

"Fuck you, Dad," he exclaimed under his breath.

.

They decided to stay over at a motel at the other side of Lebanon. At what they thought was a reasonable distance, outside the range of any ghost residing at the Bunker. They registered in one room and the receptionist wished them a happy New Year's Eve while he handed them the keys. Dean had tried to shake off the supporting arm that the fallen angel had over him, but Cas, the ever-stubborn mule, had won.

Sam closed the door and turned to Dean.

"Are you fine?" he asked concerned.

"No, Sammy, we ain't having a let's-talk-about-my-feelings talk. So drop the ball now," Dean answered angrily, his voice still hoarse.

"Dean..." Cas warned him.

The angel could say a lot of things with just his name and a tone, and Dean always understood them.

"What do you want me to say, huh? You want me to cry about how my father called me a faggot and tried to kill me? Or how the kicking ain't something new? Because I won't cry, Sammy, I'm not a girl."

"He kicked you before?" Sam asked horrified.

Before Dean would have protected Sam from the truth but he was too damn tired to care.

"Kicking, hitting, punching or whatever he felt like whenever he was pissed and drunk," admitted Dean.

"You never told me," Sam said on the verge of tears.

"You were a kid," was Dean's answer.

"So were you," Cas intervened, "he didn't have any right to hurt you."

"Well, he didn't get the memo," Dean said nonchalantly.

"He deserved Hell," Cas sentenced with his eyes full of hate.

"Hey, don't talk like that about my dad," Dean warned him, his shoulders tensing.

"He was a horrible man," stated Cas.

"He was my dad," insisted Dean.

"And you're my-" Cas held his tongue. In the more than three months that they have been together they had never defined what they were. They hadn't done it when things were fine and they new side of their relationship was still tender. Even less after Garth had died and has taken away the more beautiful aspects of their relationship. So Cas didn't dare to put a name to what they were, he didn't want to say something wrong, or worse, to actually find out.

"I'm your what?" Dean demanded to know.

And in the need of an answer Cas went with what he knew was safe.

"You're my family, not by blood but by choice," he said. "I've seen and held your soul in my own hands. No one deserves what he did to you, especially you."

But Cas couldn't cure with words alone what years of self-hate and a bad uprising had done.

"And what would you have me do? Admit that it was unfair and that I was screwed ever since the very beginning?" and his eyes got filled with tears that he refused to spill.

"It wouldn't hurt you for a change," said Cas.

Dean tried. "I can't, I can't," he cried and a treacherous tear fell down his left cheek.

"You were always a sissy faggot," John Winchester said appearing at the doorway of the room.

"What the Hell?" exclaimed Sam turning around and cleaning the tears that being witness to his brother's pain made him spill.

Somehow, John's ghost had followed them, meaning only one thing, he was attached to something that they had carried with them. Sam didn't have a clue what it could be considering they left most of the stuff at the Bunker. But he didn't had much time to wonder what it could be when the ghost of his father was focused on seriously injuring his big brother.

"You won't hurt him again, Dad," he thought while he grabbed the small rock salt shotgun he had in his bag. He had always known that Dean's childhood hadn't been perfect. He had known that his brother was at the receiving end of John's anger. And he had always resented his dad for it.

He hadn't been able to be a witness to that, and he couldn't stand watching his dad abusing his brother, and worse, his brother taking it and accepting it, making excuses for his father. That's why he had ran away at every chance he got. He just couldn't stand it. But he had never known that the abuse had been more than just verbal. Or maybe he had known, but for the sake of his own sanity or conformity he had elected -subconsciously or not- to ignore it.

Well, time to correct that.

"Come on, Dean, let's go," he said grabbing his brother by the arm and dragging him out of the room. "Let's clean the car. We leave everything that he may have attached to here."

"What about the people in the motel?" asked Dean.

"They're safe from Dad, you aren't," Sam said leaving no room for discussion.

The brothers emptied the car, while Cas stayed vigilant in case John Winchester decided to appear. Thankfully, the sight of a white man holding a shotgun wasn't rare, though Cas "hippie" clothes gave an unfitting contrast. But the sight of two men carrying varied and many weapons into a motel room was. When they were over all that was left in the Impala were some candy wrappers, some recipients with fuel, rock salt and a couple of iron sticks that they had acquired from the Bunker, and thus, they were safe. Dean has to even leave behind his favorite gun.

They drove until they were outside of Lebanon and until they could feel that they were safe, and they could breath easily, the tension slipping away a bit. Dean parked at a side road and sighed. Neither of them spoke for a while, and no one said a word when Dean stepped out of the car. He closed the door and leaned over the car. He looked at the horizon where the sun was slowly starting to set. Cas stepped out of the car some time later. He leaned next to Dean.

"I always tried to please him, you know?" Dean said. "But no matter what I did it was never enough. I didn't look after Sam well enough, I wasn't man enough, I wasn't responsible enough... Hell, even when I did everything as he wanted it wasn't enough."

Cas said nothing, he knew that Dean didn't need advice or anything of that kind, he just needed someone to listen. Sam got out of the car to listen too, and even though Dean noticed it, he didn't care and continued.

"I tried to be a good son. I did everything I could. But I couldn't, it wasn't enough," and tears had started to fall from Dean's eyes. "He never told me he was proud of me. Only when he was about to die," he paused the confession aching in his heart. "Sometimes he would come depressed after a hunt, and I tried to comfort him, to be a good son. Sometimes it was enough, but sometimes it wasn't, so he would go to a bar and come back drunk. That was when he beat me. I locked Sammy in the bathroom or I'd make sure he was asleep, and I took whatever it was without complaining. Better me, than him, right? And for many years I believed him, I thought it was my fault because I wasn't a good enough son."

"And when Sam went to Stanford things got worse. He didn't beat me up anymore, but he still lashed out on me. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave him alone. I guess part of me was still waiting for his approval. I was never strong enough to stand up for what I wanted."

"The worst part is that after all this time, I'm still looking for his approval. I know he's a ghost now and that ghosts get twisted. And it shouldn't hurt this fucking much, but it does!"

Dean begun sobbing and Sam couldn't take it anymore, he walked around the car with tears in his face and hugged his brother. He wanted to fix all the years of abuse. He wanted to repair all the emotional damage. But he knew his brother couldn't believe his words, so he just said the most obvious thing.

"I love you," whispered Sam against his brother's ear.

Dean laughed in a broken sob, "I know."

When they drew apart, Cas held Dean's hand between his. A look was more than enough. With his brother's hand in his shoulder and his angel's in his hand, Dean felt a bit better.

But once more, the temperature dropped suddenly.

"You won't turn Sam into a faggot too!"

John Winchester hadn't always been a horrible man. There was a time where he was a normal kid who had lost his father. Had Mary not died, then he would have been a normal husband and father. He would still not have taken the award for father or husband of the year, as he had already had a tendency for getting drunk and leaving home to be with his friends. But the damage he would have inflicted upon his children wouldn't have been so great.

As it was, after Mary's death he became a broken sick man. He focused on revenge and he neglected his sons. He over-cherished Sam for being the last thing that Mary had left him and being the baby for whom she had died for. And though he had always loved Dean, he had resented him. He was too alike his mother. Not only physically, but also emotionally. The same sensitive soul, the same way of caring for others. Maybe if things had been different he would have accepted more those sides of his son. But this way, those were characteristic he had to crush. So he slapped Dean into what he thought a real man was. But Dean never stood a chance, because when he saw his son imitating him, he begun to resent that mirage of Mary being lost.

So Sam became the golden boy and Dean the scapegoat where all his frustrations went. He had thought he was doing well, what was best, but his was a broken and mentally ill man.

Being a ghost made everything worst.

"Keep away from him, you pervert!" if he meant to address it to Cas or to Dean, no one knew, but Dean's heart clenched nevertheless.

Sam was shocked, they had left everything behind so how could then the ghost had followed them here. When his brain did the math it took him a while to catch up, he turned to look in distress at his brother.

Dean didn't notice, because that last stab of pain had been the last. He wouldn't stand it anymore. He walked a few steps towards his father and he shouted at him.

"Why won't you leave us alone?! What's more is gonna take!? Can't you leave us in peace?! We got rid of everything and you still follow us to nag into our lives! Fucking let us live!"

"Dean," Cas called him who had also figured out what it was.

"Dean, we didn't get rid of everything," said Sam. "We bought the-" but he couldn't be the one to give the news to his brother.

It took Dean a few seconds. "No," was all he said.

It was too much, too hard. His father had gone too far. He was taking from him one of the last good things he had. It wasn't fair, no!

John Winchester was attached to the Impala.

They knew what they had to burn now.

"You damn son of a bitch," Dean said, he wasn't screaming anymore. He was far too angry for that. "You damn son of a bitch. You just had to- take away- you just had to," he spluttered under his breath while he walked towards the trunk of the Impala and opened it.

"You aren't good enough for that car," spat John.

Dean's hand closed tightly around the hood of the trunk while he coiled in anger. He turned around slowly to face his father.

"Fuck you, Dad, fuck you! I didn't deserve any of the crap you put me through, any of it. I always did everything I could to please you, everything. But it was never enough. I didn't deserve to be your punching bag, I didn't deserve to be the recipient of all your frustration."

"You always were a good for nothing. I raised Sammy well, but you were always a lost case," even as a ghost John knew that he didn't need punches to do harm.

"No, Dad! You didn't raised Sam, I did!" snapped Dean. "It was your responsibility, but I did it! I was four years old! I deserved a childhood, not to became a father! But you were too absent to do your fucking job!"

"I was looking for the demon that destroyed our family!" replied John screaming, glitching in his anger.

"No! Azazel killed mum, but you destroyed our family!" Dean corrected him.

That seemed to be the final straw for John, who disappeared to appear right in front of Dean and tried to carve his heart out. He only had to scream in pain for a few seconds before Sam slashed him with an iron stick that he had took out from the open trunk.

Sam hated his father at the moment. He hated him for what he had done to him and his brother, he hated him for what he had done to their relationship as brothers and he hated him for all the traumas he had caused. He hated that they had to burn the Impala, because of what the car meant for him, but especially for Dean. But above all he hated the fact that he was so alike his father, it scared him. But he was a better person than John, wasn't he?

"Let's get over with it," said Dean taking the large cans of fuel.

"Are you sure?" Cas asked him concerned.

"You got a better idea?" he sighed. "I just want him out of my life."

Sam took the can from Dean's hands. Dean took another can and Cas did the same. They were going to do this together, as a family.

They threw fuel over the seats and the display, even the motor and the trunk. Then they threw rock salt and Dean took a set of matches from his jacket. John's ghost reappeared at the other side of the car.

"Do it," and it wasn't a challenge. For that brief moment he was just a father wanting the best for his son. And he knew the best was him gone.

"Sir, you're a horrible person and you clearly don't deserve Heaven," said Cas.

John ignored him and just stared at Dean. The hunter didn't part his eyes from his Dad either.

"Go to Hell, Dad," he lit the matches and threw them into the Impala.

The car caught fire immediately the flames rose high thanks to the fuel and soon there was the smell of burnt leather. John's form glitched a couple of times and then disappeared forever.

Dean said to himself that it was just the heat of the fire stinging in his eyes, but he wasn't such a good lair. Truth was that the Impala had been his home since Mary had died. It was the one place that he could always return to. And now he was watching it burn.

A lifetime of memories where being lost under the flames. From a childhood spent in the backseat with Sam to nights watching the stars. From defeating Lucifer to sex in the Impala with Cas. And while he watched a place that he called home burn for the second time in his life something broke inside of Dean.

Sure, confronting his father had set many things right. But this was a man without any hope left losing yet another thing he loved. He wanted to fall to his knees and cry but he wouldn't do it, he couldn't. He would behave like a man. Not for what his father would say if he saw him, but because it was his default mode when things got to hard to deal with. And things had passed that point a long time ago.

The flames hadn't died yet when the clocks all around Lebanon pointed at twelve and the year 2014 begun.

It was a long walk back to the Bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, despite that I do have several excuses that kept me away from writing, I don't have excuses for taking so logn to update because I had this chapter almost ready since the beginning of the year. So I'm extremely sorry.  
> Now, regarding the chapter, I don't know if I wrote it a bit too far off with John. I don't think that John was this homophobic when he was alive, the point is that being a ghost incrases all of your charasteristics, so John's homophobic side is trul increased.  
> I tried to give Dean a somehow cathartic experience. A part of him will be healed by facing John, but another part of him is destroyed by seeing the Impala burn.  
> And as you may have noticed this chapter has a special name, it's the begining of the four parts of the finale, so I guess that I can say...  
> WELCOME TO THE END


	13. There'll be peace when you're done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I just want to say this, I know that there's a continuity mistake in this chapter. Is something short, that would be fixed by adding/editing one or two sentences, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was and I took too long already in posting the chapter. I can't remember if it interfers with already established fic or with future chapters. If I remember what it was I'll edit it, and if you find it don't hesitate to let me know.  
> Warnings: Rape, torture and use of drugs.

Sunlight entered into the room and illuminated the bed mostly. He could have shifted so the light didn't hit directly into his face, but his body lay too comfortable in bed. Not because the cheap mattress of the motel was comfy or the sheets were soft, but it was the fallen angel laying in bed with him. An arm rested around his waist and his warm weight pressed against his back. It was only in these kind of moments when he allowed himself to have such peace. He and Cas did no longer touched each other, save when it came to sex or the stolen moments of waking up in the same bed.

Cas was a weak point. Something that made him vulnerable. One more thing that would leave a hole in his heat when he lost him. If he didn't push Cas away and said it was over, it was because he had promised to himself that he wouldn't screw this up. And he couldn't lose Cas beforehand. He knew that behaving as the jerk he was being consisted as screwing things up. But he was the master of denial, so he hid that in a dark corner of his mind and didn't think about it.

Meanwhile, they would fall asleep separately. No kiss or caresses after sex. And even thought they started the night on separate sides of the bed they would always find their way back into each other's arms. Only in their sleep, when the conscious was not awake to whisper poisonous words of self-hate. But the spell only lasted until Dean opened his eyes.

Cas never complained, he just accepted what he could take from Dean and was grateful for it. Sam had confronted him about it, saying that he didn't deserve to be treated as a doormat.

"Dean loves me, and I love him. It's just... he's in a bad shape now. He needs me..." he had said.

"And what about you, Cas? What about what you need?" Sam had asked him, imploring him to understand. "Who takes care of you?"

"I need Dean," Cas had replied cuttingly. "I've been alive since before humanity existed, I can take care of myself."

"Wow," Sam had said. "You truly are a Winchester now."

Cas, in his sleepy state, let the memory wander off, leaving no traces behind. He sighed and pressed closer to Dean, knowing he had the "still asleep" excuse.

Dean, who was more awake each second, tensed when his lover moved. Specially, when he felt Cas' morning wood. Not because the prospect of sex, particularly with Cas, was not good. But morning sex meant lazy sex, and lazy sex meant making love and that was something that Dean couldn't afford. Not when it was 2014 and all his worst fears were coming true. The image of his beloved Impala burnt keep mixing with the image of the rusted Impala he had found in the 2014 of Zachariah. He knew where all was heading, and it seemed Lucifer had been right all along.

With no delicacy, he untangled himself from Cas' arms and headed to the bathroom, to clean his body from the rest of come, sweat and guilt. When Dean closed the door after him, Cas sighed. He curled on the bed for a few seconds, trying to keep the warmth that Dean had left behind a little longer. But it was a hopeless battle against the laws of thermodynamics, and soon the warmth went away and was replaced with coldness. However even in the cold Cas' erection remained firm in place. He still needed Dean, but he knew that Dean was not going to be there for this.

So he took his dick in hand and he gave a soft first stroke. He repeated the motion a couple more of times, thinking about Dean's eyes looking at him with trust and love that first time they had made love, until a few drops of precome had come out. He moved his hand around the head of his dick to use the drops of semen as lubrication, and he started to jerk himself in earnest. He remembered all the times that Dean had stroked his dick, and that had been more than just a release of tension. He pretended it was Dean's hand the one jacking him off. He imagined that Dean was lying next to him, caressing his hair and whispering sweet nothings that were greater than the world to his ear. He imagined Dean telling that he meant everything to him, that being with him made everything that they've been through worth it.

Cas whispered and bit his lip trying to hold back the moans. He didn't want Dean to see him like this. He was afraid that if Dean found out how much he actually needed him that he would leave him for good. And Cas was afraid that he wouldn't be able to endure it as human without Dean. Sadly, he thought, he was afraid that he may get to know if he would be able to or not soon.

The Dean in his mind kept whispering to him, telling him not to worry, that he would never leave him. That he needed him far too much to even think of leaving him. And as Cas begun to reach his edge he felt as the Dean in his mind was about to say those three words that he had never said to him before.

When they got together Dean wasn't ready to say them, and Cas had had no problem waiting because he wasn't ready himself to say them either. As time went by, Cas got ready but Dean wasn't yet. But he would wait for him forever if necessary. Then Garth died and Dean closed himself. Cas now knew that waiting was hopeless.

"I love you," said the Dean in his mind.

Cas came with a small shout that he muffled with the pillow. He panted trying to recover his breath and he ignored the few tears that had made it down his face. When Dean got out of the shower, he commented nothing about it.

"We leave in twenty. Take a shower if you want," said Dean.

.

When Cas stepped out of the shower, Dean was gone, he had probably gone to see if his brother was awake. On the bed, the bag was already packed, and next to it there was a neatly laid set of clean clothes. Cas dressed himself with a little more warmth in his heart, it was this kind of details that told him that Dean still cared for him.

With his bag in hand he closed the door and went to the reception where Sam had already handed in his key.

"Here you have," he said giving his key to the receptionist.

"Thank you," the receptionist replied. And Cas couldn't explain why, but something tingled in him when he met the cold stare of the man behind the desk.

"How much do we owe you?" Dean asked taking out a credit card under the name of Steve Walsh.

"Hmm, how about... your soul?" the receptionist asked and his eyes turned black.

Cas cursed himself for not noticing it sooner. Most importantly for not having his grace. With it he could have seen the demon's actual twisted face, he could have got the Winchesters out of this in the blink of an eye. With it he could fly away and leave behind the constant pain in his chest. Right now he didn't even had a weapon to protect himself.

A door opened behind the counter and several dangerously-looking people came out. They were not fully surrounded yet, but it was the only thing in their favor they got. But they have done well in worse situations than this with far less. If they were demons an exorcism should work, and if they were fallen angels their bare fist would work more than well.

"No, no, no," said a male voice coming from the open door behind the counter. "That's no way to treat our guest, isn't it?" said the man finally coming out from the room, his blue eyes spoke of danger and his smile of evil. "After all, we just want one word, right Sam?" asked Lucifer.

"No," Sam exclaimed faintly, seeing the face that haunted most of his nightmares.

"Haven't you missed me, Sammy?" Lucifer mocked him. "We had so much fun."

The boy with the demon blood, the boy who had set Lucifer free, the freak, the monster boy. Everything that he had been and labeled with came back to Sam. All his weakness all the times he hadn't been good enough. A demon blood junkie, a constant failure, a disappointment to Dean. Seeing the red-spotted face of Lucifer brought all back, rushing to the surface. Cas had gotten rid of the insanity that the time in the Cage had brought upon him, but he hadn't gotten rid of most of the emotional damage.

Sam spared a brief look in Dean's direction. The look of pure terror on his brother's face was enough. He wouldn't be a failure anymore, not again. He then crossed a look with Cas, the angel that had remained with them no matter what. He knew that he had Cas' support, even against the devil in person.

They had defeated him and Michael once, they could do it again.

"Whatever you came looking for," Sam said, "you won't get it."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Sammy," replied Lucifer. He looked at his companions. "Seize them."

The demons attacked. They charged against them fast and with decision. A demon attacked Cas with a rustic kitchen knife. Another went against Dean an angel blade, so maybe it was a fallen angel. No, his eyes went black. So possessed fallen angel, maybe? It didn't matter, Dean killed him anyway. A female one came by his back and grabbed his arm, twisting it into an awkward position. It wasn't anything Dean hadn't dealt with a thousand times before. With a well-practiced move he threw her away making her roll over his back. He then stabbed her in the heart. It was a good moment to check on how the others were doing.

Cas was managing well. He had a red gash on his left cheek, but it seemed superficial. Nothing to worry about. Despite not being an angel, Cas still retained certain angelic grace when it came to fighting. There was something about him that deserved respect. He slashed a demon and locked eyes with Dean. He was fine.

So Dean turned his attention towards Sam. His brother was in the middle of the fight. But all the demons were with their backs towards him. They were all either facing Dean or Cas, but not Sam. His brother killed the demons, attacking them by the backs, but they still wouldn't turn around to face him. Lucifer walked towards his true vessel nonchalantly. The demons fighting Cas and Dean kept them busy, preventing them from doing something about Lucifer. The devil stopped one step away from Sam.

"I think we have unfinished business, Sam," he said. Lucifer raised two fingers and pressed them against Sam's forehead.

In a blink, they were gone.

"No!" screamed Dean.

It couldn't have happened, it couldn't. But it had. And everything he most feared had became true. Lucifer had Sam. Lucifer had Sam to do as he pleased and force him into saying yes. Because he knew his little brother. He would fight and resist. But Lucifer had created Hell, was the master of torture himself. Sam had already spent years in the Cage, and he had barely made it through with his mind in one piece.

The most selfish part of Dean begged that if he couldn't find his brother in time, then he better say yes. It didn't matter if it meant the end of the world, he better say yes.

He continued fighting with renewed intensity, until every demon, fallen angel or whatever had made this possible was dead.

"Let's fucking go," said Dean, taking his blade from the last demon he had killed.

He looked around the room. The were only dead bodies and blood covering the floor. His eyes then found Cas that was looking at him with wide eyes. There was fear in the way he gazed at Dean. And the hunter could relate to it, fucking Lucifer himself had Sam. The end was coming.

 _No, he fears you,_ said a truthful voice in his mind. But Dean ignored it and send the thought into a far away part of his mind along all the other warnings that told him he was walking into a too familiar path.

"Do you know where he's taking him?" Cas finally spoke, his voice was guarded, afraid the wrong word might set Dean off. If he was afraid that Dean would either explode in sobs or anger, he didn't know.

"Detroit," Dean said drily. "He always said that it was going to happen in Detroit."

"Detroit is a big place," Cas contemplated.

"I know."

.

His hunter instincts didn't leave him despite the panic he was feeling. Sam looked around assessing his situation. Considering the lack of windows and the humidity, he was probably in a basement of an -luckily- abandoned house. Which left him with only one escape route. Even if he managed to get out of Lucifer's grasp, there was still the no small matter of the demons guarding his only exit.

"No, Sam," Lucifer said as if he was reading his thoughts. "The only way you'll be able to leave this place is whit me inside of you." Lucifer looked at him coldly. "Now kneel," and with a movement he forced Sam onto his knees.

"I'm never going to say yes to you," Sam declared. His voice was firm in spite of the fear he felt.

Lucifer started to walk around him. "You and me both know that it isn't true. You like to play strong for a brother that sees you as a child, but you're weak and you know it." The devil came to a stop in front of him and met his defiant stare. "If you're so strong then tell me, how come I was released the first time. Oh, yes. You just couldn't resist to get your hands on demon blood and a demon chick. You're nothing but a junkie."

Doubt flickered in Sam's eyes. Lucifer was clever, he knew what insecurities to poke at.

"You'll say yes, Sam." Lucifer grabbed Sam by his chin and put his face centimeters away, where Sam could feel the devil's cold breath in his face. "You'll beg me for it." Lucifer moved his head and whispered next to his ear. "And I'll gladly comply."

Sam trembled. He knew there was more than one meaning in Lucifer's words. He wished that Cas had taken his memories as well as his madness. But he knew exactly how he'll beg and how Lucifer would complain. Against his will, a tear fell down his cheek.

He was terrified.

.

"You're leaving Colorado State. Thanks for visiting," the sign next to the road mocked them.

They were traveling in a blue two-doors '68 Mustang. They had stolen the car when they were on their first case after burning the Impala, when they were away from Lawrence. It was a muscle car so Dean wouldn't feel ashamed driving it, and it was blue so it wouldn't remind him of the Impala. Or at least, that's what he told himself.

They had gone to Colorado to check on a possible lead about Croatoans. It turned out that despite all their efforts to stop it, Jehoel had succeeded. The virus was on the loose. They had managed to kill off the first infected in the small town they were staying, they had even be able to warn most of the town people. But it had been too late for several of the other towns.

Dean wasn't stupid. He glanced at Cas sitting shotgun and wearing those stupid hippie clothes. The angels were gone, Lucifer was running the show and Cas was human. Even if some details didn't fit it was all too similar to the future that Zachariah had showed him. He had broken the promised he had done to himself. Breaking a promise to himself was no new news, but this was the one promise he couldn't afford to break.

It filled him with anger. He was mostly angry at himself for letting everything happen. He couldn't help but to lash out on the people close to him. He spared a glance at Cas sitting next to him. He knew how close he was to become that broken version. The question was, what would be first? Drugs or orgies? Dean's own self-hatred made him ask to himself if it was his fault. A hateful voice in his mind insisted that it was, but as most things that he didn't like he shoved it away.

Enough of Cas. There were more important things to worry about. Like, for example, his brother in the hands of Lucifer. His brothers that was most likely being tortured as he drove.

No matter how many speed laws he broke there was a drive of fifteen hours between Colorado and Detroit. And that considering that they didn't stop at any moment. Almost an entire day before they could start _searching_ for Sam in Detroit. It was plenty of time for his brother to say yes. No, Sam was stronger than that. But the mere thought of his brother being tortured made Dean nauseous.

Cas, who had not spoken any word since they got into the car, looked at the way Dean's hand clutched at the wheel and spoke. "We're going to find him." His voice firm, any other possibility was unthinkable.

"Cas..." breathed Dean, and for that second it took to say his lover's name he allowed himself to show his vulnerability. It only lasted until Cas opened his mouth to say something more. "Don't," he said steeling himself once more.

Cas said nothing.

.

Sam had lost the notion of how much time has passed. It could have been days, weeks or even years. He was chained, suspended by his wrists. His entire skin felt on fire and his insides hurt as if they were slowly melting -which may be actually happening. His throat was sore from screaming, he long since stopped trying to keep them back. A demon came close to him and sliced him along his stomach, piercing a sharp scream right out of him. He could literally feel his guts falling to the floor from the slash in his flesh. He sobbed, there was no dignity to lose.

"Oh, Sam, are you hurt?" Lucifer mocked him. "Let me kiss your boo-boo better."

The devil grabbed him with cold fingers and kissed him on the chin.

The pain was gone and his body was good as new. He almost laughed from the relief but he knew it was temporary. He already wanted to keep crying knowing what was in store for him. He wanted to cry for help and beg for mercy, but nobody would help him and the devil knew no mercy.

Maybe Dean would come and save him, or Cas would come and take him out of his personal Hell as he already did once. Maybe that was it, maybe he had never left the Cage. A brief and weak illusion of success to further weaken his spirit.

This time the fire started to consume him from his insides.

"You never told me, Sam. Did you enjoy my little present?"

The hunter said nothing, but his mind started shouting in confusion. A different kind of screaming at last.

"Tell me, Sam, how was it seeing your father again? I gather it was a merry reunion, right?" Lucifer's tone was calm, if slightly tainted with satisfaction. He smirked when he saw Sam's eyes widen in surprise. "Oh, are you gonna tell me you never made the connection? Come on, Sammy, you're supposed to be the smart one, aren't you? Or did you leave your brother with an abusive and alcoholic father for nothing?"

The pain had retreated, allowing the fog in his mind to disperse, but Sam still was at a lost.

"I thought I was being obvious. Did you never wondered about my choice of wardrobe?"

Sam paid attention to Lucifer's clothes. He had a brown shirt over a brown-greenish T-shirt and jeans. A simple outfit that was the exact same that John had been wearing when he was a ghost. In a sudden flash of clarity he remembered that it was also what his father had been waring when he escaped Hell.

"John Winchester's soul has been mine all this time," Lucifer whispered against his ear, "and soon the body of John Winchester's son will be mine," he finished dragging his tongue along Sam's cheek to end up sucking a hickey in his neck.

Sam knew better than to squirm, though he wanted nothing more than to crawl away. His mind was getting into a state of shock, both to protect him from the new information as from what was about to happen next. He was beginning to miss the physical pain.

"Tell me, Sam," Lucifer begun as he dealt with Sam's belt and trousers, "was your father proud of seeing into what kind of sissy-girl his eldest son has turned into?" the devil walked behind Sam and put his head over the other's shoulder to whisper in his ear. "Was he proud when he found out that your brother was some angel's bitch?" Sam heard the sound of Lucifer opening his own trousers.

No, please, no, he screamed in his mind. But he knew that there was only one way to stop Lucifer, yet the price was too high.

Lucifer entered him in one thrust.

"Oh, Sammy, what would John say now if he could see you being my bitch," he said and he begun fucking him in earnest.

The pain was high but the humiliation was bigger. He tried to move his mind away from what was happening to his body. He thought of Dean, trying to gain strength from the image of his brother but with each thrust Lucifer's words sank further into him. The image of his brother soon turned into this broken shell of what Dean had become.

Silent tears went down Sam's cheeks. Soon, not even the thought of his brother would help him.

.

They arrived at the limits of Detroit at the same time night did. Dean's eyes were rimmed red both from exertion as worry. An entire day of his little brother in the fucking hands of Lucifer. He was going out of his mind. He had failed and there was no way to fix this. But he will have to find one.

"We should stop," Cas said suddenly, startling Dean and driving him out of the dark place his mind had become.

"What?" he asked.

"I said that we should stop," repeated Cas. "We should find a motel to rest."

Dean got close to hit the breaks all of a sudden just to make a point of what a crazy stupid idea it was. "You're kidding me, right?" He stared at Cas in utter disbelief. "Are you out of your fucking angel mind?"

"I'm only suggesting the most logical course of action," Cas claimed with an infinite patience that was wearing thin. "Detroit is a big place to search for your brother and you've been driving almost non-stop the whole day. Even if we did find Sam some time soon we wouldn't be in any condition to face Lucifer."

"So you're saying that I should leave Lucifer to use my brother as a fucking toy for an entire night?" Dean questioned him, not caring that he was being rude towards the only ally he had.

"What I'm saying is that if we want to have any chance of success _at all_ then we need to rest," Cas stated, he was not in the mood to play defense with Dean.

"What do you even care?" part of Dean knew very well that he was being unfair, but then the other part of him just wanted to go guns blazing.

"Sam is my friend," Cas said, this time he left no room for discussion in the tone of his voice. "And I won't let you just stroll in a suicide mission when there's the smallest chance of succeeding and saving him."

Dean said nothing, accepting the logic of what Cas was saying. Mostly he was doing it because it allowed him to ignore the elephant in the room. They had no way to find Sam. Unless some omens appeared there was no clue. And once they found Sam... How were they supposed to fight the devil in person and come out alive? Dean had no idea.

Maybe they were always meant to end this way, he thought pessimistically.

Dean stopped the car in the parking lot of the first motel he saw, named "Valiant Motel". He asked for a room with a king bed, if this might be the end of the world -or _his_ world at last- then at least he would spend his last night in a good bed. Which seemed pointless considering that he couldn't stop pacing in the motel room.

After ten minutes, Cas couldn't stand it anymore.

"Dean stop it," he commanded.

"How?" Dean asked almost desperately. "When-?" but it was pointless to say out load what they both knew well.

"You won't accomplish anything wearing a hole in the ground," Cas told him.

"I know, but I can't just-" Dean voice broke down. For a moment all the vulnerability he tried to hide from the entire world came to the surface. "Not when he has Sam, Cas."

"I know," Cas said standing from the bed and putting a supporting hand on Dean's shoulder. He would like to show him his support and comfort him in so many ways, but he knew it was off-limits now. He then went to his bag and took out an orange pill bottle from it. "Here," he offered.

Dean's blood had turned ice-cold in his veins.

"Since when do you have that?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Maybe it was a thread of angel-awkwardness that remained inside of Cas what made him answer with total honesty.

"Since John's ghost appeared," he replied.

"Why?" Dean asked in the verge of tears.

But the angel-awkwardness remaining inside of Cas wasn't enough for him to answer with the entire truth. "They help me sleep," he said. Which wasn't a lie, but he would never admit out load the reason why he couldn't sleep at night. The void he felt inside that kept him awake ever since Dean's touch had turned cold.

Dean took the bottle in his hands and looked at it with dread. They were sleeping pills. Not some kind of recreational drug, just sleeping pills.

 _But they're still pills,_ said a poisonous voice inside his head. A poisonous voice that spoke the truth.

Almost an entire month of Castiel taking these pills and Dean hadn't noticed. He looked at the stubble Cas had after an entire day inside the car, the gray shirt he was so keen on wearing and the resemblance to that Cas from 2014 was uncanny.

Cas was broken and it was his fault.

In that moment, Dean fully understood that he wouldn't be able to save his brother. The year 2014 had truly arrived and it had come to stay.

Not tearing his eyes away from Cas, he took a pill.

.

Pain, everything was pain. A breath. But that only meant more pain. Try not to breath. But that brought pain anyways.

A laugh in the distance. Lucifer's laugh. Humiliation, pain. That's what that laugh usually went with.

"You're not going to last long. You know that, don't you Sammy?" Fear, that was what the voice brought. He would have thought that he couldn't feel more fear than what he already felt. But so he had thought about the pain.

A breath.

"You make a good bitch, Sammy. It's a pity I have to wear your body, otherwise I'd have you as my pet." Steps. A breath over his ear. "Didn't you enjoy it, Sammy? Maybe we can have another go so I can make you scream as the whore you truly are. What do you say, Sammy?"

Humiliation. No, please, no. Please. Tears went down his cheeks, not that he cared. Not again, not again. Please.

"No? Well, I guess there's others way we can spend the time."

Pain. Pain so intense. Focus on something else. Strength. Dean. Brother, dear brother. Hold on for him. Pain. Dean. Pain.

"So what's gonna be this time, Sammy? What's your answer?"

Pain. Dean, Dean, Dean. Strength. Pain.

Broken.

Broken Dean. Broken Cas. Nothing, nothing to hold on to. Only pain and broken shells.

Dean, I'm sorry.

"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter was kinda hard to write because I hadn't originally intended to put Sam through so much, but it was the devil and suddenly it took me there.  
> The characters are all going Endverse and there's still one turn more to the worst that needs to happen. Next chapter is proving to be the hardest to write ever.  
> I also never intended to add more smut into this chapter, I was done with it. But again, suddenly the story took me there and hey, who could know that Cas mastubating could be so sad.  
> Anyway, I hope you liked it.


End file.
